B-Roking my world

Hypocrites. Ain't we all?

2007-11-04T18:32:00.000-05:00

Well..this is a touchy topic ain't it?

First off, I'll declare that i do not mean anybody when i'm talking about hypocrites. Not anyone i know, not people i come into contact with, not even the Pharisees in the bible. I mean myself, and from there, i point the question to everybody.

I've been doing a series of teachings on the sermon on the mount [banking on the resources of City Harvest Church], and so far it has been everything that Pastor Kong has promised; it's a spiritual X-ray machine, and the first one to go through it is myself. And it's a painful process.

For someone who professes to be a Christian, who believes in certain values, i'm pretty spineless to keep them. I don't even do enough to keep myself sanctified/holy by any standards, much less God's standards. And yet we are all called to do that, and specifically, i am telling others to keep by the standards that i am preaching to them, and yet i am the one most in need of the message.

Yet, i know this message is important and they[my cell group mates] need to hear it, irregardless of whether i am righteous to say the words, irregardless whether i am a hypocrite for saying these words.

However, we are all fallible humans, frail to begin with, with wills that shatter like porcelein. Yet we try to maintain Godly values that allow us to pick ourselves up and bring the shattered pieces to God. And yet like children, as soon as we are mended, we run away and hit something hard again and come back to God for help again.

How long must i dwell in such meaningless level of maturity? How long more must i bear with my sinful nature, to repent and recurr endlessly? If only there was a way to keep clear of my particular sin, and truly turn to God with Godly sorrow and repentance, shall i truly be able to fight to keep my salvation.

And so i pray for myself.

Small Dark Room

2007-06-01T09:27:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Hmm..in case you guys din realise, the song that i posted on my other blog is written and sung by plain old me..Hence the lousy vocals and simplistic strumming and even lousier recording [courtesy of Creative MuVo Slim..it actually has a microphone] Needless to say, the pickup is poor, and i had to tape it on the back of my chair so i dun have to balance it on my guitar while i play and shout into the small hole to make my voice heard.

Anyway, it only took me a couple of hours to write either song, and record it satisfactorily. Which is not easy, considering that you have no one else singing it before you so you cannot remember how it really goes. Freedom comes difficulty anyway..

And here is this song that you're hearing. It speaks a lot of what i am going through right now in my walk with God, and hopefully you can recognise that i AM singing it to God, not to a lost lover or something..haha..

Here is the Lyrics

Small Dark Room [Music and Lyrics by Bwee]

Verse I
I stand alone / in this small dark room
My arms raised up / seeking you in this crazy world

Chorus:
All I see / Is this small room / where I am seeking you
All I want to feel / is your loving touch / in this wide crazy world

Verse II
Why do you pass me by / As though you don't know me
Am I not broken enough / Do I have too much pride [supposed to be in..i missed this line..haiz]
Did I study too little / Do I think I know too much
Did I not leave the door open / To let you in my life

Chorus:
All I see / Is this small room / where I am seeking you
All I want to feel / is your loving touch / in this wide crazy world (x2)

Bridge
All I wanna see is you / All I wanna hear is your sweet Word
All I wanna seek is you/ is you / is you (x2)

Chorus:
All I see / Is this small room / where I am seeking you
All I want to feel / is your loving touch / in this wide crazy world (x2)

Ending verses:
I don't wanna just dream of you / If so I don't wanna wake
I don't wanna know it's all a lie / I don't wanna know "I don't know you"

Enjoy!

P.S - If there's a urgent request for me to take my ugly voice off the web please do let me know..haha..so i can find other less harmful ways to vent my creative streams..

Serving God

2007-05-27T09:55:00.000-04:00

Kinda hit on this topic when i was talking to a friend, and found it rather interesting.

As you guys probably know by now, i'm someone with very wierd views that will seem very controversial. But hey, i AM entitled to my own views right? And i trust that you as my readers do have your own ideas and opinions as well. Or you would make me guilty of improper influence of funny ideas..haha..if there was such a crime

Anyway, the topic was about serving God, and not the world. And i kinda realised that the whole point was to remember that we love God, not the world, not the marketplace where we operate in.

And when we talk about the marketplace, our pastor broke it down neatly into a few sectors that every civilisation would have: Education, Business, Government, Church, Entertainment, Welfare and something else i can't remember. But the point i wanted to use is that Church is one of the marketplace sectors.

And since the topic was about serving God, i was fiercely [okay..maybe only mildly loudly] pointing out that it was possible to love church more than God as well. In many ways too. For example, if you desired to be in church more than you desired to do good deeds, you are loving the church more than God.

I do believe that everyone has misused the term "serving God". What does it mean to serve God? Does God need serving? Isn't He almighty? How does anything that we do serve Him?

The truth is that we cannot. There is nothing that we can do that would serve Him. Only when you bring the Kingdom of God in to the world, can you be considered serving Him. And the kingdom of God is where people live in peace and love and people live righteously. If you spread love and joy around, you are serving God and putting a smile on His face. If you show people that you can care for them with no strings attached, you are demonstrating God's love, even if you are not a christian.

Anything other than that is either self serving or sector serving. Think carefully; does your work serve God? Or does it serve some other purpose?

And the church is NOT God. And neither is God restricted in the walls of the church. God can be found on sundays in service within the church, He can be seen moving amongst the people on other days as well. God is omnipresent and all powerful.

And it IS possible to love the church more than you love God. And it IS possible to be serving the church rather than serving God.

I'm not trying to say that anyone is NOT serving God. I'm just listing down facts, and hopefully you become clearer as to what things are. Of course, God DO recognise services rendered to the church. But we should not discount other forms of service as well. One does not NEED to serve in church to serve God. Our lives should be a form of service to God in a sense.

Stay blessed

Loving God, Loving the world

2007-05-24T09:13:00.000-04:00

To many christians, to be the friend of the world is to be the enemy of God. To love God, is to hate the world, and vice versa.

I beg to differ.

"For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten son."

The world is the creation of God, like man, it contains traces of His presence and identity and being. Interwoven in the creation of the world is God's signature and His love and effort.

Just like man. Just like man was the creation of God, so is the world. And anyone who claims that the world is not created by God cannot be a true christian. to claim that God did not have a hand in the tabloids, to claim that God was not the one to invent motor cars and aeroplanes or that He did not think of economic strategies that people could think of, is simply blashemy.

Just like how Lucifer started his life of rebellion when he refused to love what God had created

Are we going to hate the world in order to stay pure and 'to bring His kingdom on earth as it is in heaven?"

To want to bring the Kingdom of God to the world is to love the world. It means to love the people around us regardless of their background. Ruth was not a Jew; even if she was the wife of a Jew, even if she was a God fearer, she was not a Jew, and she will never be considered a Jew. Yet through her faith and her righteousness she was given the task of birthing forth a line of descendants that eventually brought Jesus to the world. Ruth to the Jews are like the normal citizens of the world to Christians.

Whoever mentioned that only Christians would bring forth the kingdom of God? Who says that only the believers will be used by God? Who says that God only touches those who believes Him?

God uses all. God loves all. And God is all-mighty.

I believe when you care for people around you, when you decide that you want to better the lives of others, when you give advise that brings people to a righteous life, when you mentor others to understand the morals and ethics behind a mature mind, you bring a glimpse of the Kingdom to earth. When you bring a smile on someone's face, you bring a smile on God's face. When you care for someone, you allow God to use you to care for people.

Love the world around you.

Cheers

Back In Singapore

2007-05-20T10:40:00.000-04:00

Hey Guyz

Well, i've been back for a couple of weeks already. So i'd think i can give a fair comment about how i'm doing back in Singapore, spiritually.

For one, things simply do not change just because of your geographic position. That much i learnt since i arrived in America and found myself pretty much the same.

Adapting back to church and cell group taks pretty much actually. I had not realised that it took that much. Some things feels natural, as though i never left it behind, while some things have changed. I guess that goes for almost everything else too..

One of the problems i foresaw was the practice of speaking in tongues in my cell group. For someone who had not practiced it much over 8 months, i feel that this worry is well justified, however, it proved to be the least of my worries, cos it feels like i've simply picked off where i left it last. Or to put it in another way, it's as awkward as ever.

Other conceptual problems/conflicts that i see now are much tougher to handle. Things like the concept of prayer, the concept of serving God, as well as the concept of being a christian.

I still believe in the same God, i still feel like i would want to contribute to a better world as God envisions it. I still believe that God is all powerful and that He does miracles in our lives everyday. But i also believe that He does so despite our praying, not because of our prayer.

I still believe that God does not need us to serve. That He has plans that are in place that we cannot understand, and that we should not be so prideful to believe that we are the key to bringing forth the plan.

And i still want to believe that being a christian means to be God fearing, not fear the world, and to live life as well as you can, guided by the teachings that Jesus gave us through the Gospel. That all God wants is for us to obey his Commandments, and to guide others to follow His commandments and appreciate what He has given them, regardless of whether they know that it came from Him or not.

And i guess that basically places me out of the christian denomination complete..haha..so wierd. I've grown out of the church that i was 'born' in. even out of any church out there. So perhaps i'm simply in the midst of finding my world view.

And hopefully i remain persistant in pursuing the truth and accepting it. And God willing, i'll be able to find it too. Within my lifetime. Kinda like a life quest. Yepps. So that's Brian Wang Chongyu back in Singapore. Confused, uncomfortable but complacent, and irresponsibly silent about sharing that except through this blog. Just like anyone else out there. Just more honest. i hope..

Cheers

What i want from God

2007-04-25T00:06:00.000-04:00

What i want from God.

Kinda difficult when i put it that way. I think that if everyone had just one wish they can make of God, they'd have trouble filling that up.

Sure, we do want many things in our lives, but they're not THAT terribly wanting [for lack of words].

i mean, i'm sure i want loads of money, no stress, all the anime i can watch, good food, car, a pet, a fit and healthy body. But these aren't really what i would pray to God for. Nope..Not even for good grades.

But if i had one wish i could make to God, is that He would walk with me, and let me know that He is doing that. It would just be so great if i could talk to Him and have Him answer back, like even play pranks on Him just to be sure that He is there.

Nope. I don't want money. i can do with pretty little. I don't want a good job from God; my life ain't defined by my job. I want friendship with Him.

And i'm pretty glad that i'm getting much of that in a way; when i have a friend who is around me when i need talking to, someone who would tour paris with me, someone who would take me to VivoCity for the first time, someone who would pester me to teach guitar to, someone i could visit at her booth to pass time, someone i could write letters to.

I still feel like the people around me are my greatest blessing. And that is coming from someone who hermits in his dorm studying or playing or watching anime who dun go out often. That says a lot. So you peaps who have loads of people/friends around you rejoice and give thanks!

"Our God is not a God of the dead, but of the living" - that means that God is not in your job, your car or your house; but the people in your life

Stay blessed
Brian

Being Christian [For myself]

2007-04-11T14:15:00.000-04:00

Well, it's kinda back dated, but i've learnt something from visiting a friend's church during easter sunday

That being Christian doesn't mean that we are perfect, but that we seek the perfection of Christ. And Christ is the only man who is perfect, the one who has 100% for every test, who knows just what to do, what to say in every kind of situation.

And we are just people who struggle and try to achieve that end, but realise that we can never.

And we sin because we fall short of that perfection, not just because we did wrong stuff.

And i guess being christian for me means to reason my way through with views, with facts and evidences, and tangibles. But i really thank God for people He placed in my life who do NOT do things that way, so i have my balance through people around me. People who experience His joy and love and share that with me are SO important in my walk, and i thank God for all of you.

Christians should be Christians

2007-04-05T23:30:00.000-04:00

Dear friends,

One day i was talking to someone, and we touched on the topic of Christianity (somehow) and he was asking me: "Are Catholics Christians?"

"Of course they are. We all worship Christ."

"But [unnamed] is a catholic and he says that he isn't a christian"

What a shock.

I'm not sure whether that is the right stand for a catholic to take, but i just feel it's so sad that there are such divisions in the religion.

In fact, one of the question that bug me the most is this: why is Christianity the most split apart faith there ever was? Is it one of the teachings? Is there a religious reason why there are so many different denominations in the world?

The answer to that is a very complex one, and I'll try to explain it, but i will not profess that it is the ONLY answer. OR that it's the RIGHT answer. It's just A answer okay? so cut me some slack here.

As we all know, the first church that was every established was the Holy Roman Church, which was the Roman Catholic Church. That was way back from when the 12 apostles started the underground church operation, up to when it became the official religion of Rome at the death bed of emperor Constantine, through the times when Roman Catholic Church was the one unifying factor over the different regions in Europe, through the splitting of power to different regions and princes..

To the point when Martin Luther King headed the reformation and established the Protestant while John Calvin established the Calvinist, and along the way Lutheran church came about, and then the Puritans left Europe and established their colony in America[not just puritans] and somewhere later along the lines Pentecostals emerged and Charismatics evolved.

And that's not even all of the different denominations there were.

I suppose that the fact that the denominations can be named and described to great detail shows that there is order in the separations, but still, separation is separation. And the wildest thing is that each denomination holds on to their own beliefs, even if the foundation of the truth is still the same. Kinda makes me wonder where long the line did we go wrong?

A few blog entries before i mentioned that we should all be careful especially when we try to interpret the word of God. We may think it's divine revelation, but sometimes it's just us with a wrong tangent. That's what i believe happened. Somewhere along the line, someone came up with a wild idea, and everyone hopped on the boat and split apart from the rest. It's become so ugly that now, no one knows which is the true faith anymore. And that should not be the case.

This was exactly what the early church fathers were afraid of, and from that fear came the persecution of the witch hunts and heresy trials. And the stark irony of it is that all that bloodshed didn't even avoid this catastrophe that we are in now.

I really applaud and appreciate churchs that have a no-denomination stand, that they accept everyone from different background, and that they try to tread the line where teachings go, but eventually they will still go back to some background and those who came from elsewhere will feel betrayed.

What i really wish would happen is that God would do something drastic and show us which one is the real faith. Like a movement that seeks to reconciliate all the denominations under one CHRISTIAN faith, and unite all the churches in the world into one huge conglomerate MNC that would rule the world..haha..maybe not rule the world..But i believe it will help give Christians an identity, and make it a whole lot easier to help the world as well.

Take for example in Detroit, there are no lack of church. While i was there, what struck me was that there was a church almost every other street; but each congregation was stuck with low numbers and mundane problems, like where to get funding from with the small church population, how to get their utilities going, windows fixed..the kind of things that would be fixed if they were a part of a bigger organization that funded them, so they can focus on working on the important stuff.

Imagine a huge Christian organization where the money is centralised and went out to help people and ministries where it is needed. I'm not talking about contributions, but about freakin funding and powering the ministry! If just any christian organization can 'boast' about some charitable deed, imagine if the organization was a whole lot larger; how much good we can do?!

Christians around the world have a huge untapped potential; it's not about us not wanting to help, it's not about there not being enough of us who wants to make a difference in the world. It's about us trying to do so from a million different directions to different ends. It's just plain ridiculous how so much goodwill is wasted.

Maybe we should all stop thinking about how different we are, and start thinking about how similar we are.

Just my wish for the world.

Cheers
Brian

Being Christian

2007-04-02T23:00:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

I dun suppose i am the best candidate to talk about being a christian. There are tons of people who are more suited, but this is my blog..

I guess being christian isn't all it's cracked up to be. Especially when you learn some hard history about christians, you realise that everyone, every christian has gotten it the wrong way:

The world don't owe us anything; we owe the world a lot.

There was an event once in america [i heard of it once] where in the middle of some busy place christians set up a confession booth.

"Presumably for people to go in and confess their sins" most people would think.

But when someone actually went in, the first thing that they heard was this:

"I'm sorry for all the things we have done." from the other side of the panel.

That is so so dreadfully true. Much as we would not want to admit it, we christians do many terrible things in history. In the name of God, we have committed crimes that are inhumane and hurtful.

Even right from the beginning, when Christian churchs first started out. When the Jews were writing polemics [kinda like slanderous letters] about Christians, what was the reaction? Christians fought fire with fire. Polemics after polemics were written, slandering each other in the most horrible sense of the word slander [especially in the context of religion], each seeking joy in the downfall of the other. Unthinkable? Here is a site which lists the anti-semitic stories that European Christians wrote in the past. http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/antisemitic.html

Slightly after, Christians were guilty of the worst anti-semitic acts. Around the 6th to 8th century, there was a case where the Eucharist was found missing; immediately the Christians pinned it on the Jews living in the district, and 15 Jews were murdered before the real culprit was caught: a christian who was suspect of heresy.

Even later, Christians were guilty of even greater bigotry; religious intolerance, which rose to murderous levels that left history bloodstained. The crusades were formed against heresy and muslims and thousands upon thousands were killed cold-bloodedly, in the name of the one true God.

Even amongst Christians we are guilty of the very sins we preach against. In the case of the Knight Templars, the Bishop and the king collaborated to plunge the whole order under the charge of devil worship and idolatry and heresy. The result? The Bishop and King dissolved the order that was growing too powerful, and came away with the riches of the Knights filling their own coffers. The Knight Templars were a monastic fighting order that was formed to protect pilgrims making the trip to the Holy City of Jerusalem during the crusades, formed a great army doing so, and pledged allegiance to the king, joining arms with him if there was a need. Yet they were betrayed, because they were growing powerful and proud.

Not to mention the witchcraft persecutions. Regrettably, the very people who were charged to love one another like ourselves, to forgive one another, and to do self reflection before accusing others of their sins, were the very people who persecuted innocents, dragging them through the most devilishly ingenious torture methods to obtain the confessions that they wanted. Not stopping at the confessions, they went on to force those who confessed to further feed the craze by naming others.

And those who perpetrated these crimes were the very ones entrusted with the faith and belief of the whole religion; the popes, the highly educated theologians, the ordained inquisitors and in cases, the kings. Indeed, the so called 'enlightened' ones were the one who were blinded in their pride and knowledge that they failed to see the act they were committing.

Even in the present, in parts of the world we still have Christians persecuting others based on their faiths. We have stories of people being dragged to slaughter by professed Christians. And on top of that, we Christians have been so good at dividing ourselves that we now have too many proud denominations that people actually care for.

We have Christian so full of themselves that they go around telling the world that Christians are going to heaven and the rest of the world is going to hell. We have Christians condemning the world to be full of sin while they claim that they are the ones doing things right.

Being a christian is what it's all cracked up to be.

And back to the story of the confession booth. If there is anyone out there willing to listen to me, i will tell them that as a Christian, i am sorry for all the things that we have done. I am sorry for all the persecutions that we have committed, all the false accusations, all the bigotry we are guilty of. I am sorry that sometimes we think that we know everything and act with pride and lack sensitivity and empathy. I am sorry that most of the time we do not practice what we preach. I am sorry that i am thinking of myself most of the time. I am sorry that once, we thought that violence hidden with hypocrisy was the answer to the world's problems.

Here is the punch line:

Most Christians do not realise that we have nothing to be proud of. Have we accomplished anything? If indeed the world commends the church for charitable deeds, remember that it is by Jesus's command that we love the world and the people who live around us. Those accomplishments belong to God and God alone. We however, have a part in persecuting those around us, either with religious bigotry or insensitivity. And it's not alright to be proud being a christian despite that.

Being a christian is not about being saved, or going to heaven. Being a christian is not about going to church and singing songs. Being a christian is about obey God's commandment to love the people, and care for them. Being christian is not primarily about bringing people to christ; being a christian is about loving people and caring for them, and by doing so naturally share what they are interested in.

Because Jesus did not ask any of the sinful people to worship Him; He ate with them and talked to them when the others would shun them; He washed their feets and taught them, He healed them and He gave them hope. He loved them, never demanding that they be Christians and worship Him. He loved them, and wanted them to lead righteous lifestyles.

Being a christian is not to be proud of nothing! But to understand that to be Christian, we must be prepared to be associated with the body of Christ, to be associated with the mistakes that as a body we have committed, and to be associated with the movement to set things right.

Kudos to you if you made it thus far. Hope you are blessed with this revelation i had.

Stay Blessed,
Brian

NOT Jesus's family tomb

2007-03-30T21:06:00.000-04:00

Hi guys..it's been while since i found a blog-worthy topic to talk about..this WILL be long, as far as i can remember what was mentioned to me during about this hoo-ha that attempts to seed doubt in our faith.

For people too busy to read the entire blog, just know that this claim is entirely disputable, and while chances are it may be real, the odds against it are too overwhelming for it to be really entertained. [Even in the scholastic world]

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The allegation now is about the archaelogical find that shook the archaelogical world [gasp] through the nosy journalist who thought he uncovered the world's greatest mystery.

A couple of months ago, a condominium construction company was clearing the way to build a condominium [duh] with bulldozers and dynamite one day. Lo and behold, a tomb is uncovered, and several Ossuaries were found, amongst which incriptions were read 'Jesus, son of Joseph' and amongst which other ossuaries read 'Joseph', what seemed like 'Mary Magdalene', 'Matya'. It looked terribly like a family tomb of Jews from the 1st century CE. And there was a mysterious niches empty that looked like it contained another ossuary that has gone missing...

And coincidentally, another ossuary was found some time before that read 'James, son of Joseph, brother of Jesus'

Now, from the bible, we know that Joseph had several sons, 2 of which is Jesus of Nazareth [Jesus Christ], and another was James the just [St James of the 12 apostle]. And amongst the ossuary there was one that read 'Jesus, son of Joseph', as well as what looked like 'Mary Magdalene', as well as an interesting 'Judas, son of Jesus'.

And we know for a fact that rich Jews who lived in the first century DID have family tombs dug out of stone and have their family buried in these tombs in ossuaries, where father, mother, offsprings and maybe grandchildrens in these tombs. This practice was discontinued after the destruction of the Jewish temple around the end of 1st century, so it had to be from that era.

And DNA analysis reveals that the bones in the ossuary of 'Jesus' and 'Mary' have no genetic relations. Thus they are unrelated, and for them to be in the same family tomb, 'Mary', could have been married to 'Jesus'. And there was the ossuary that said 'Judas, son of Jesus'.

Could it be that Jesus did not ascend to heaven, but instead stayed on earth and married Mary Magdalene and had a son Judas?

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To Debunk the reports

Apparently, this breaking news is made not by an archaeologist, or a scientist, but a journalist. And if that isn't enough, the journalist published a book, and in it he claimed that he had corresponded with several known authorities who knew their stuff, but had failed to report that they found his claim highly unlikely, and that he was full of himself.

If that's not enough to throw you off this trail, then please do read on.
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First of all, Jesus is a fairly common name in those time. Not only was Jesus Christ called Jesus, there was another impostor messiah who was known as Jesus the Galilean who tried to call down wicked punishment on the religious authorities but was later tried and tortured and discarded as a madmen. But needless to say, even now there are many people called Jesus, so we KNOW that Jesus is not an uncommon name.
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Secondly, the inscription that the journalist read as Mariamene the 'Mara', of which Mariamene is translated to Mary according to some of the christian writings[Acts of Peter] and Mara was Aramaic for Lord, and there were stories of Mary Magdalene being one of the key leaders of the early church, it was prematurely decided that the inscription did mean Mary Magdalene.

However, if 'Mara' was to be read in aramaic, then why was it written in greek lettering? In fact, 'Mara' is short form for Mary as well. And this 'Mara' and the 'Mariamene' were written in different hand, along with the connecting word may be read as 'and' too, so in all, it could have been simply 'Mariamene', and later when another Mary died, they entombed her in the same Ossuary and added 'and Mara'

So much for Mary Magdalene.
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Next, for the DNA evidence. First of all, we should ask why they simply tested the DNA of 'Mary' and 'Jesus', and not 'Jesus' and 'Judas, son of Jesus' and then 'Mary' and 'Judas' ? that way if Jesus WAS the father, and Mary was the mother, then it can be established that they are indeed married. BUT it wasn't done.

And the argument that they aren't related means that they are married are just preposterous; Mary or Mara could just as well be married to Judas, or Joseph, or anyone else in the tomb. The DNA evidence shows nothing at all.
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And the Ossuary of James is another question. Whether it's authentic is still debatable. Since James is the leader of the early church, and he was a christian, and Christians by teachings refer to Jesus as the Lord or the Messiah, why would He [or anyone buring James] refer to Jesus as Jesus? more likely he would have carved 'James, son of Joseph, brother of the Lord/Messiah/ Christ' as befits his title. And James would have long regarded Jesus as his Savior and Lord, and not his brother.

And in fact, the tomb of Jesus was uncovered AFTER the ossuary of James was found. Unless there was a hole somewhere in the tomb, it simply does not make sense that anyone could have stolen the bones without having the tomb found first. So the ossuary of James was NOT from the tomb of 'Jesus'
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And not to mention the awful handwriting on some of the ossuary that even the discovering scientist suspect isn't written, but are instead scratches that appeared due to the wear and tear of the material.
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And need we mention that Jesus's father was a poor carpenter, and that only the rich Jews could afford to have a tomb dug out of stone?
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In all, there are insufficient evidence to point that this family tomb is indeed the tomb of Jesus Christ, nor does it infer that Jesus died on earth instead of having ascended to the heavens.

Interesting enough, it seems that these shocking discoveries seem to happen just before Easter or Christmas, to shaken our belief. The last one was on the Gospel of Judas that happened the year before, which was another dubious source of 'information'. And do take note that these lies never last; they sparkle, and die out. But the bible lives on.

Cheers

brian

disclaimer: i did not come up with these findings so dun bug me if i misquoted anything..or if i mispresented the facts. But i daresay that it's 90% true, so if i do have mistakes, it's typo errors or translational errors by a layperson, but the arguments are valid. [In fact, just go Google 'Jesus bones' and you'll see loads of websites that argue against the discovery for the 'family tomb of Jesus'

Interpreting God's word

2007-03-21T18:10:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

It's been a while. Just wanted to update that i've finally got my internet back [long story..don't ask] and my bank account is happy too [ cos Dsta finally banked in the cheque..haha..] and my belly seems to be happy too [i'm not too happy with the waist line though]

And maybe i can share a little something that i learnt in class and church.

Disclaimer: when i talk about God's word below, i am talking about the written word, not the revelation that God may give you when you read; that revelation is to you alone, and it may even come from other sources[other than the bible].
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As we all know, God's word is like a double-edged sword. Wield it well and it will do all sorts of wonder and good. But when used wrongly, you could end up cutting what you do not want [ even yourself]

Someone once said that there is a very stringent requirement for anyone who wanted to be deemed worthy of lifting up the holy tome and opening the cover and reading what lies within. For it IS God's word and truth, not just any mere text book or history book to be read lightly. To do so without understanding and training would be sacrilegious and disrespectful of the original intent or the author, God.

Which i begin to understand why.

The first time i read the bible i was awed by the heavy reading and the amount of historical information that was recorded, as well as the rich content of stories and lore. The first time i went for a bible study, i realised that there was so much to understand between the lines as well. That each line in the Psalms can mean more than what is apparrent. I thought that it was like a literature text, in which meanings can be inferred as according to what you felt and what made sense.

Terribly dangerous way of treating the text.

Which is why i would exhort everyone out there, to read in context when you do read the bible. Especially when you intend to use it to teach someone else. Because the text can be read in so many many ways, some which may even be misleading. A common practice is to read the text before and after the verse in question, to make sure that you read in context. An even better way would be to do a little research and find out what other commentaries say about that verse, chapter. Most of these commentaries do talk about the historical background as well as the situation around the author as it was written.

For example, the opening of Luke mentions that there are other books[Gospels written] about Jesus, and that he writes the gospel according to St Luke so that we may not be mislead. It would be silly to understand that he was referring to the other 3 gospels [Matthew, Mark and John] but other gospels like the gospel of Mary Magdalene, Judas, St Bartholomew and the infancy gospels of Jesus.

Or that Jesus never did teach the Jews to pay tax; when he said 'give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and give to God what belongs to God', he was referring to the currency that the accuser held, which was a roman coin, a coin with the image of Caesar engraved on it. This form of currency violated the 10 commandments [Thou shall not make any graven images], and Jesus was referring to this violation, and not exhorting the people to pay the taxes.

Reason being that it was a trap laid out for him; to ask the people to pay the oppressors would be to betray the trust that he would deliver them, and to ask them not to pay would open Jesus to accusation of being a trouble-maker and revolter and he would be easily sentenced to crucifixion by Pontius Pilate.

And in the text i'm reading now, the Malleus Maleficarum [hammer of the witches] which explains why women are more open to attacks by the devil than men, and quotes several women in the bible and casts them in such anti feminist light that if i were to quote the tract, i would be accused of being a male chauvinistic. What is amazing is that how this 2 authors [of the malleus] manage to write such incredible 'crap' and annote part of the bible as justification for this twisted argument. It only shows how man can twist even the word of God to mean what they want to say.

And this is one of the reason i can think of to explain the many factions and denominations that have been birthed forth within christianity, and why we are so split in the body of christ. It is when man tries to enforce his will within religion in which only God should have domain over, that such a tragedy actually happens.

Sorry for such a long answer to a relatively simple question. The bottom line is, read carefully the next time you do open that bible, especially if you intend to teach and share knowledge.

God guide us all
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Trampling Temptation

2007-03-06T08:34:00.000-05:00

Once again, from http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb.shtml

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Mathew 4:1-11
Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted there by the devil. For forty days and forty nights he fasted and became very hungry.
During that time the devil came and saif to him, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become loaves of bread."
But Jesus told him, "No! The scriptures say ' People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God'. "
Then the devil took him to the holy city, Jerusalem, to the highest point of the temple, and said, "If you are the Son of God, jump off! For the scriptures say, 'He will order his angels to protect you. And they will hold you up with their hands, so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone.' "
Jesus responded, " The Scriptures also say, ' you must not test the Lord your God.' "
Next, the devil took him to the peak of a very high mountain and showed ihm the kingdoms of the world and all their glory. "I will give it all to you," he said, "if yo uwill kneel down and worship me."
"Get out from here, Satan," Jesus told him. "For the Scriptures say, 'you must worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.' "
Then the devil went away, and angels came and took care of Jesus.
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Well, obviously [to me at least] today is one of the least spiritual days i've had since the period of Lent started. I've made decision to make some sacrifices and stuffs that i wanted to give up for Jesus, but today was the second day it broke. Not even 2 weeks into the 40 days and i broke.
And somehow today the temptation came so heavily. What actually surprised me was that todays daily bread came just when it came early in the morning, and i thought that it would keep me in line at least for today. But apparrently later in the day it snapped and i forgot what i learnt in the morning.
Makes me kinda think that maybe i am not meant to be that holy after all. Or perhaps it takes progression; hopefully i am making progress though. But there's no way to know how much i can take, since i can be so holy and so brazenly sinful at different times.
But what is amazing is that just when i thought that today would be given to 'evil' and 'sin' and wrong doing on my part, near the end of the day i met 2 good angels who were on their way to their small group meeting. Karen and Michelle [hope i got the names right], you guys pulled me back and made me feel better loads. Thanks for just being there.
And that is my reflection; angels are there fighting the fight even as we struggle with our inner demons. And sometimes we have to just look outwards for strength in beautiful people around us all the while, perhaps fighting the same fight. Gives you strength, gives you companionship, gives you faith.

Stay strong people, and pray that i do the same.

Inner Turmoil

2007-03-05T09:32:00.000-05:00

Kay..Guys, i'm quoting from this website http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb.shtml where there is some daily bread we can all share on the bible.
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1Samuel 1:15
There was a man named Elkanah who lived in Ramah in the region of Zuph in the hill country of Ephraim. He was the son of Jeroham, son of Elihu, son of tohu, son of Zuph, of Ephraim. Elkanah had two wives, Hanah and Penninah. Peninnah had children, Hannah did not.
Each year Elkanah would travel to Shiloh to worship and sacrifice to the Lord of Heaven's Armies at the Tabernacle. The priests of the Lord at that time were the two sons of Eli - Hophno and Phonehas. On the days Elkanah presented his sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to Peninnah and each of her children. And though he loved Hannah, he would give her only one choice portion, because the Lord had given her no children. So Peninnah would taunt Hannah and make fun of her because the Lord had kept her from having children. Year after year it was the same - Peninnah would taunt Hannah as they went to the Tabernacle. Each time Hannah would be reduced to tears and would not even eat.
"Why are you crying, Hannah?" Elkanah would ask. "Why aren't you eating? Why be downhearted just because you have no children? You have me - isn't that better than having ten sons?"
Once after a sacrificial meal at Shiloh, Hannah got up and went to pray. Eli the priest was sitting at his customary place beside the entrance of the Tabernacle. Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord. And she made this vow: "O Lord of Heaven's Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then i will give him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime, and as a sign that he has been dedicated to the Lord, his hair will never be cut."
As she was praying to the Lord, Eli watched her. Seeing her lips moving but hearing no sound, he thought she had been drinking. "Must you come here drunk?" he demanded. "Throw away your wine!"
"On no sir!" she replied. " I haven't been drinking wine or anything stronger. But i am very discouraged, and i was pouring out my heart to the Lord."

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Well, you can go ahead and read what the comment was on the website, i personally dun agree with the interpretation, in that it made no sense and distracts us from the main point. One thing i glean from it is this:

Prayer does not make God see things as we see them; it helps us see things as God sees them.

Which personally speaks to me as i was struggling with prayer. What is the point of praying when God knows already what is in your heart, and always does what you need instead of what you ask anyway? These seem to contradict the purpose of prayer, especially when so many people use it to make requests to God as to how they want things to turn out.

So many times i prayed to God, filling it with words, and logical arguments that my mind came up with. And most of the times, God uses my own arguments to talk to me. It's like a time of self-reflection where God comes in with me and sorts things out. And sometimes it leaves me more confused as i think that God did not speak to me. But so many times it's just that i did not realise that He already did so.

DEETROIT

2007-03-04T20:08:00.001-05:00

Hey guys,

Might get a little confusing cos i may talk about this trip on both blogs. But anyway, the trip was fantastic. Mike Dempsey, who was our coordinator/link to Detroit and several of the organisations we were visiting, was absolutely magical in pulling rabbits out of the hat and giving us a fantastic stay.

For starters, he was able to get us 2 apartments [unfurnished] in a condominium that had a fantastic view of the river and Canada, and we just had to pay the cleaning fee after we left. And he gave us a fantastic tour of Detroit that opened our eyes to see the problems that the city was facing, as well as the efforts that are being made to better the cities, making Detroit suddenly more unique than just another city in USA.

And he was our 'ONSTAR' support for the trip, especially when we were lost and needed directions, just give Mike a call and he can direct us to where we wanted to go. This guy knows Detroit like the back of his hands!

I'm going to do a mini series kinda to review what this week meant to me, going day by day, but each day i'll do an entry so you guys wun get overwhelmed by the word diahorrea..ha..yepps. So this starts it off by setting the background to introduce Detroit to you people out there with big hearts who might just feel pain for what the city is going through.

Cheers guys!

Detriot

2007-02-24T09:36:00.000-05:00

Hi guys,

Well, now i have an official reason to be lazy to blog! hah..i'm going to Detriot! with no camera and no friend with cameras, so there's no way i can bring back photos, but hopefully i can tell you peops some stories of what happened back there?

For those who didn't know, i'm going Detriot for my spring break holidays with my church, to do the following:
- Visit 2 churches and attend their service there
- Visit a soup kitchen and help out there
- Visit a school and tag along a teacher
- Visit the school again and prepare for people coming in to help out with paint work.

and some other stuff i'm too lazy to remember..hah..but anyway, this trip i'm supposed to seek God as i do good works in His name [church's name], so i do hope that God will speak to me even more than He have over the past few weeks.

Take care and God bless,

100th post!

2007-02-20T23:17:00.000-05:00

Dear all,

Well, today was a less bad day after all! ha..God did come through, even though i kinda made Him say that..[i confess..he didn't say it after all..but he DID make it less bad.. :p]

Yepps. I did half of a homework, only to realise that it was due next next week, and i had my friend who told me he almost completed the shared homework we were suppose to hand in on friday, and i realised that half of my midterm on thursday is really peanuts [the other half may be a killer though..techinical writing..argh..]

Anyway, tuesday is the day i have my violin lessons. And i had a kinda performance phobia..as in i was worried i would not do well in the lesson, and earn myself disapproving looks from my teacher. Which never happened, cos she's so wonderful and encouraging. But i DID practice 1 hour yesterday [which was more than usual] and tortured the poor guy who was just fixing the lights outside the practice room [Oooh..what did he do wrong now..right place at the wrong time]

Yepps, anyway, i kinda developed a confidence in playing the instrument, which prolly will increase further now that i bought a mute for my violin so it'd sound less loud and hopefully less awful when i go out of tune. It's still loud and awful if i do go out of tune, but at least it's less bad. Oh wells.

surprise surprise. I din know that so many people din know i played the violin..okay. i kinda din make an announcement out of it, but i tot more people knew about it. I guess maybe that's how much they pay attention to me, or how much i remember telling people about it. haha..bad friend i am..

And it's the end of a less bad day! tomorrow will be EVEN MORE less bad! hah..so singlish-like i am. must practice before i get back to singapore! hah..wait i get culture shock there arr..har har..

Cheers!

Legs strained

2007-02-19T23:52:00.000-05:00

Haha..just to add to my good day, i finally went to the gym!!!

haha..now i'm one more gym day away from being a total fat slob. Maybe it's the winter breaking; i'm finally out of my hibernation where i just eat and eat and sleep and sleep..Even the sun is rising earlier now [and setting later] kinda worried, cos it means that one day i will have to subtract one daylight hour [which means 1 hour less sleep! on which ever day it falls on]

And the snow are melting. I'd say that the squirrels are finally out, but they have been out for a couple of days already. Absolutely adorable when you see they scrambling around in the snow looking for their buried treasures [nuts! And i also mean those they eat too!]

Yepps. Temperature is finally hovering above 0 degrees celsius and i'm going to say that i was sweating under my coat today..woohoo! think i'll just melt when i touch down in singapore. Maybe the heat of Paris will acclimatise me better. haha..till then!

Tomorrow will be less bad. God promised.

Cheers

Good Day, Bad Term

2007-02-19T12:20:00.000-05:00

Well, that pretty much sums it up..

Have no idea what went over me, but last night i called up a friend for breakfast. Out of the ordinary, except that we had a couple of breakfast together before classes sometimes over the time i was here. And it was a while since i met her, so i was thinking, why not?

And thus i started my day waking up and enjoying breakfast with a cute girl and good company.

Then when i rushed for the bus, on the bus was yet another friend whom i haven't seen for a while, someone who usually would not have taken that bus except she woke up late and snoozed for 1 hour before realising she was late. And i wouldn't have taken that bus if i did not meet my other friend for breakfast.

So it was a good day.

Then i got back my aero midterm and then it got ugly. I got only 70% for the paper, which could mean a B- or worse, and since it was because of stupid marking and stupider question and the fact that i [again] skipped steps in my answers that i got 70% when i was really expecting a 90% [my answers were right..i was marked down because of the steps. how ridiculous is that?!]

Well then the only consolation was that the class did not do well, and there seems to be moderation in store for us. The fact was that most of the class scored 30-60 with many people in the 30-40 range, and only 1 90% and 2 80+% so i guess i din really do that badly, but a 70 IS a 70. haiz.

And looking at the term, eng 100 is not looking well, aero 225 seems conceptually easy but the grader is a very careless one [once he feels your concept is wrong he doesn't look at your answer..why can't he be careless the other way and just check the answer?!], and i'm keeping my witchcraft class because i may be able to do better for it than Engine 100 [except i have to get through a 5-8 pages paper for the class] and math is the only pushover.

Ha..maybe i am stressing myself too much. I have been used to high scores that 70 kinda threw me off. On a technical paper that i have no concept problems with. Just because i like to skip steps. Well, that teaches me something now..

Grrr...

Wierd old me

2007-02-17T20:06:00.000-05:00

I've lived with myself for almost 22 years. I'm kinda sick of myself..haha..maybe i wished i would not live with myself for the 22 years, but i'm stuck with myself..

Anyway, back to the subject of wierd old me..

I remember so many times i complain that i am lonely, bored, and sometimes even, i make the remark that people only approach me with homework that they did not know how to do. [and sometimes i just shrug and say i don't know either]

But the point is there. all the while i say people avoid me, the fact is i avoid people too..

The point is not an apologetic one though..i avoid people for a reason, that crowds ick me, i hate crowds, much less crowdy places, much less a party where i'll be left sitting alone.

But i crave company, a friend or two, who would sit with me and talk to me, and make the crowd disappear. If i were at a party, with a good friend beside me, i would just feel like the room was empty and it's just the 2 of us talking.

Oh wells, strange old me.

And as i am blogging, strange old 22 yr old me is missing out on a block party [wad kinda party is a block party anyway], just as i missed out on a snowball fight yesternight, and wad nots. And wierd old me is going to church, alone, and feeling awkward in the church alone .. again..bored and same old strange old me.

Cheers

Joanna Fong May Tse forced me to blog

2007-02-16T23:18:00.000-05:00

So there..hah..told you i'd do it..now millions of people around the world are gonna wonder who you are that you can make me blog..

But i over extend myself.

I've been doing some thinking [what else is new] and i was wondering what i should blog about. What do people come on my blog to read? i can talk about my theology, my ideology, my philosophy, or just simple and plain what's going on..do people really want to read that?

Then i realised..they come to MY blog to read about me right?

Haha..me with an over-inflated ego here.

Anyway, i'm feeling good now, spiritual even, which is rare. Cos i just delivered 2 chapters out of a book that our cell group is doing now. We even have a name for ourselves, it's 'Anchor' and the core members are the founding members as well, the leader Ghim, and the rest of us, Zhi Jun, Wen Jie, Jean and Lora. And now Ephraim has joined us. Ha..and myself and Wenjie are the unofficial music/worshippers cos we know our instruments well enough to play for the group, which is a 'downgrade' for Wenjie, but a big upgrade for myself, cos now i finally have a chance to play for a group! haha..and it's great! [especially if i know the song..or else i'm just playing chords..haiz]

But anyway, we are doing bible studies on books, and currently we are doing on the book 'Drawing Closer' by John Bevere, which i kinda read before, which i kinda forgot, which i just taught 2 chapters to the group, which they also almost fell asleep. Ha..but i guess it's how much you pay attention that you learn the most.

But i hope i was clear, cos i am NERVOUS speaking, especially when people are paying attention. I can crap a lot what people dun remember what i say, but i sometimes stutter and forget my train of thoughts when i deliver a message.

Growing experience..i'm 21, but i'm still a growing boy in God's eyes.

Cheers!

[Will continue to blog more..I'll be BACK!]

Love y'all

Neighbourhood - Vonda Shepard

2007-02-04T21:44:00.000-05:00

album: Songs From Ally McBeal (1998)

Here's the photo I've been looking for
It's a picture of the boy next door
And I loved him more than words could say, yeah
Never knew it until he moved away

Faded pictures in my scrapbook
Just thought I'd take one more look
And recall when we were all in the neighbourhood

Here's a photo of the neighbourhood
Here's the corner where we stood
Here's a snapshot of dad's old car
Never got us very far

Faded pictures in my scrapbook
Just thought I'd take one more look
And recall when we were all in the neighborhood

And all those friends, where did they go?
Oh, I dont know
And all those friends we used to know
Oh, in the neighbourhood

Life is still good

2007-01-31T16:23:00.000-05:00

Hey guys

I've been doing some thinking lately, you know..the topic i always hang on to, the meaning of life, the meaning of life AS a christian and what it means to me, how i want to live my life as compared to what it is right now..

But i have no idea what i am talking about.

Who am i to say what life is about, or even just what MY life is about? i can come up with a definition now and later in my life it will change. In fact, i came to michigan thinking one way about my life, and now i can tell you that it has completely changed. Have i become stronger? i have no idea, but i know i am now older and wiser for it. And while i appreciate the vigor and conviction i had before, i now know better to keep my two feets on the ground and to keep my head from flying off to wonderland.

I have this friend, who is graduating soon. She has no idea where her life is going, but she has a couple of options that may be open to her, depending on a couple of things [if it happens] but the whole point of it that struck me was that she was going to emancipate from her parents, and not even live in the same place. And neither did she want to; she loves her parents, but she also wants to be independent even if it meant that she lives a difficult life.

Well, that IS life. Not that it's good, or bad, but it IS her life and her decision as to how she lives it.

And so we talked a while, and came to the conclusion that eventually whatever plans you can come up with, when events change you'll have to change it. Rather, if you face life knowing the options you have, but do not commit to any direction just yet, you'll find that it becomes more flexible. As the saying goes, the roads get straighter as you go down it, and you'll definitely meet problems, but for sure, when you do you most probably will have the solution at hands too.

Just the kinda wierd world we live in when God decides when or how you get the solutions in your life.

And who knows? i may have to serve my bond after college, but after that? i may just go to africa and work there to better people's lives, or go somewhere else to pursue my doctorate, or become a tutor/engineer, or a politician [highly unlikely]. All i know, is that when i DO get there to make the decision, God will be too.

Stay Blessed,
Brian

Tear Jerkkers

2007-01-25T00:01:00.000-05:00

I've never figured myself to be a weak dude. I can face blood, pain, even bad grades, these i can brush off easily. But there are some stuff that i may not come to terms with [kinda] without being a cry baby..Incidentally, these are the things that remind me that i am still human with a very emotional side as well as the 'dao' front everyone sees. So here's to me paying tributes to the emotional heartstrings that i must have pulled somewhat.

1. Feeling of lost
Not feeling of being lost, but the feeling of having lost something. I guess this is pretty vague: an example will do good here. Imagine you have a child you have had since he was born, and you've brought the kid up, taught it how you would live your life, your philosophy, thinking and idealogy. And when one day something irreparable happens and either the relationship you had cannot be the same, or that he is just lost to the world.
And imagine all the things you could have done together, that now can no longer be done. Think of all the things that you WANT to do with him now, but realise that he is no longer around.
*SadZ*

2. Desperation and impotency
Impotency NOT MEANING being unable to reproduce. I mean the actual meaning of the word, not the medical term. Being desperate for something to happen, but being powerless at the same time at bring forth that outcome.
It just seems that somehow no matter how much effort you put in, you can never achieve certain things in life. And i am not talking about materialistic goals. For example, making someone love you; sometimes you can do all in your power [or so you think] to sway that person to look at you but he/she just don't. OR some people have devoted their whole life to seeking God, and to come face to face with Him, but in events of difficulty sometimes it gets harder to see Him, and you do all that you can. You pray, you sing, you attend church, you talk to spiritual people, but you simply cannot find Him. Imagine running down all the roads in your life in circles looking for God like He was something that you lost, something that you know you cannot go on if you don't have Him.
Just to realise that he was in you all the while.

3. Music
It's no joke. Especially when the music conveys the above mentioned feelings. I have teared listening to Brian Littrell's songs before, i have teared listening to Hillsong and Delirious [All i need is you]. I have teared to songs like 'How did i fall in love with you'. Music plays a strong part in my life and i really hope one day i will be able to play a song that can bring tears to one's eyes, a song that can conjure such strong emotions; only a true musician can do that.

4. When the emotional problems are mine
Ditto

5. Boredom.
Which is the only reason i can think up as to why i am blogging about this. Ha..so guys, when you tear/cry, it's not because you are a cry baby, but because you are a functional human being with a healthy emotional life. Cry out loud! be proud that you can cry, cos the real time that is sad enough to cry about, is when you realise that you can no longer do so.

Stay Blessed and be loved

Brian

Dreaming with a Broken Heart

2007-01-21T23:51:00.000-05:00

Hey guys..

I am not implying what this title means..haha..i'm doing fine here, just that this happens to be the new blog-song i have on, so there..

Anyway, that being said, i just came back from watching a play, the Phantom of the Opera. [Haha..beat you to it!] And for most part, it reminded me of what i had missed, and what i had imagined.

I was a small kid when i first went to watch it, had no idea what the theme or idea behind the whole theatre, but it was a cultural exposure and i am glad for it, cos it had left behind a deep impression, and i've always wanted to watch it again.

But there wasn't the chance to, so i turned and sought to fulfill the unmet desire with the soundtrack that thankfully my parent bought. That, and my imagination, i enacted the play between the Phantom, Christine, and Raoul in my head.

Until even that died out and it was forgotten for a while.

So here i am, just fresh from watching the play 'for real' this time, and i have to say, i was captivated every moment of the play, even laughing out when i caught the parts where the new actors made fun of the language that was made before, but there is some lost value to it somehow. The play seemed more of a remembrance sake, a tribute to the great musical that was, and no where is it near right now.

Or it could all be that i had built too high an expectation in my mind as i played and replayed the cd in my head, imagining a perfect play.

Heh..actually, looking back on things, i guess i really have a lot to be thankful for. I've had 2 great weekends, a ski trip, and a musical. And i really dun deserve to be thinking that my life has been unfulfilling and boring [it is, by the way. Don't we ALL think that way?]

Reminds me of a philosophical question i heard in the most funny drama [Ally Mcbeal] where Georgia asks Ally 'What makes your problems all so big and important?'

'They're mine.'

I must apologise for me having complained so much these days without knowing how blessed i have been. Ha..even though that just means that i am human too, but since i know better now, i have to do better too.

And i get to prepare worship for our cell group this week! which thankfully has changed to friday nights so i can go for it, AS WELL AS small group with Kevin Armstrong! hah..just great. [means 2 nights where i cannot get any work done..but who am i kidding? i wun get any work done even without these anyway..haha]

Yepp, so i'm beginning to enjoy the christian fellowship with the singaporeans here, and even the praise and worship in church nowadays. And some of my questions seems to be answered too, so i'll have to come up with more questions! ahha..yepps, God is GOOD!

Oh, and a miracle kinda happened too. Or Karma. Or just that God knows what i want and what i need and he gives them to me without me asking for it. [Ain't He just generous?] Well, to cut the story short, i kinda lost my Mp3 player last friday before the ski trip..and i had no idea where i had lost it. SO i checked out the lost and found for a couple of days, it wasn't there, so i gave it up as lost. Then God smiled on me, made me go for toilet during math class [which was a miracle as to why i even went..haha..but me going toilet for class is rare enough] and lo and behold, beside the toilet [where i would not have went to otherwise] was the sign that went:

"If you have lost a Creative Muvo Slim 1GB Mp3 player, i found it"

to which a certain smart ass idiot added 'which means if no one lost it you did not find anything?'

But the whole point was that it was the last place i would have expected anyone to find it, or be honest and put up a sign for it. It's really a miracle, cos the person could have just took it for her own if she wanted to. Totally fantastic.

And it WAS my very own one! hah..totally cool..i half expected it to be not mine..ha..

And to be honest, i did that favour for someone else too..found something and gave it back..God is good AND fair! hah..so there

Stay Blessed!

brian

Backdate to New York

2007-01-18T23:17:00.000-05:00

Hey Guys...

Ha..it's gonna be quite a back date, since it's been like 18 days since i came back? sorta? haha..anyway, here are some of the photos that were taken, off daniel's camera cos i don't have my own..sigh..anyway, enjoy the photos!

And here is a cathedral near the rockefella centre in New York. Can't really remember what the name of this cathedral is, but just look at it..and imagine this in the middle of tall buildings that make up New York. It sounds so out of place, but when you see it, it just takes your breathe away. You'd stare at the high tips of the roof, the hugeness of the architecture, the beauty of the carvings and construct, the whiteness of the walls with the dark city buildings in the back ground and wonder how goodness is almost like a stain of white in the dark world we live in...

And oops, you realise that you are holding up traffic

And this is me looking all so small and ugly beside the beautiful sight that is the bird's eye view of New York city at midnight off the top of rockefella building. The view is fantastic, makes your heart forget to beat once [almost] and me with 3 other guys sharing this view..kinda makes me feel sad, but it IS a nice view..haha.. And here is the real bird's eye view from the top of the rock, looking down [as far as we dared to point the camera out] yepp..this shows you roughly how high we were off the ground.. And what can i say? the whole is so small! hah..Here we are, having dinner in a chinese restaurant where service is so poor, where they give us hot tea when we wanted cold water, where we had to sit with our stuff[shoppings] on our lap cos the floor was too dirty to place our stuff..but the food was great and the price is right..And here we meet Huiwei who had gone to UIUC where we have not met her since! hah..so cool to see you again! hope you're having fun now...haha..

Message in a bottle

2007-01-11T23:40:00.000-05:00

Dear God,

I write letters. I LIKE to write letters. Sometimes i really do express myself better through letter, where no one is here to interrupt me, where when i'm lost for words or when my tongue is tied no one really knows, where i have the opportunity to express myself as well as the person imagines it, rather than me spoiling it with quirky actions or bad phrasing. Well sometimes i listen more than i get to speak, so i do letters. Emails now that we have emails, but i still do letters. But somehow i haven't written one to you yet, so here i go, on this blog that was originally dedicated to you, i'll write one to you.

Somehow i wonder, if you have always been looking over my shoulders when i write to my friends. Somehow, i wonder if you have already known what i was going to write before i formed the words in my mind. Somehow, i wonder why it is, i always feel better after writing the letter, even though my friend have not read it, even though i have not received a reply.

Somehow or rather, i wonder if i have always been writing to you.

And you have always used my friends to reply to me.

You surely know the ways to reach me, the ways that i will listen and read, the ways that i will understand and believe. You made me. Remember almost 21 years ago? you made me who i am, with secrets that only you know, secrets that maybe i know something about but no one else knows about. Secrets between the two of us, but it's not fair cos you know more of it than i do.

Anyway, it's a new year, 2007. My friend tells me that churches have declared it a year of victory. To me, it's a year when i will meet new people, go new places, learn new things, try new stuff. To me, it's a year when i will continue to do things as i have always done, to love as i always have, to make mistakes as i always do, and to grow as you would me mature. To me, 2007 is going to be like any other year, and yet not like any other year cos the dates now end with 07 instead and sometimes i forget that. It's going to be a year when i will face-off with my first winter, when i face-off with emotions i struggle with, when i face-off with questions that i have in my mind that you have given to me.

God, why do you give us the freedom to not know you? Even when you stand right in our face we could just miss you and walk past, even when we see things that scream out your name we pretend that we do not see it. And sometimes even when you call our name we wonder if it's just in our heads. God, why do you give us the freedom to not love you? The world would be a much better place if everyone was born knowing you and loving you don't you think? You would want us to CHOOSE to love you and thus make us not love you to start with, then why do we keep wanting to be what you have not made us to be?

Why do we want what we never have, and never want what we have, why do we seek answers only to realise that at the end there are more questions? Why are humans designed to want what we don't need, and need what we don't want? Is that what you are like too? you want what you don't need and need what you don't want?

Why do you give us so many questions, and make us run all over the world before realising that only you have the answers?

Why do you make things so divided in the world, when you are the one who can be a trinity and a whole? why can't the whole world understand that we are everything and we are one thing? Can we understand religion as many different factions and as one single faith? Can we take a person to be so many different people under different situations but still one and the same?

Well, that's a whole lot of questions for now. Hope you have the answers for me soon, cos i'll be looking for you. Hope that don't put you off. Thank you God, and you have a great year too!

you know who i am

Witchcraft 101

2007-01-10T16:05:00.000-05:00

Hey guys,

I assume you all are kinda curious what i learn in my course..hahha..okay..lemme clarify..First of all, it isn't really witchcraft, but kinda like a scholarship into the phenomenon of witches in history, spanning from 400BC to 17th century. We study several different cultures to get a feel of what they understand by witchcraft/witches/magic, how they practice magic [or what they thought witches did], and hopefully eventually we will reach the part where we will study the intensive witch trials that took place in medieval Europe, the witch inquisitions.

To start off, magic was an essential part of most cultures. Remember in chinese customs there is the 'Da2 Xiao3 Ren2' where we have a paper figure with the persons birth timings and we keep hitting the paper with a clog? then we have the usual voodoo dolls where people poke pins and needles. Or there were specific spells where ancient greek/roman/egyptian/wadever were read to invoke certain kinds of effect onto some things. Example of which is a witch chanting a spell in a bowl of water, with the words describing an octopus, and afterwhich pouring the water on a vine and expecting it to sprout forth like an octopus sprouts off his tentacles.

Magic is done with an effect in mind, but the focus is on the process rather than the result. If say a spell was cast on a field to make it prosperous, and instead the crops failed, rather than blaming the magic, it was naturally reasoned that someone else with stronger magic had cursed the fields. Thus magic was not possible to disprove, and people chose to believe in it rather than doubt it.

In certain cultures, witchcraft instead had a 'scapegoat' effect in their lives, and was an answer to any particular failures that they met. For example, if a hunter took all the pains to ensure that he was not stepping on anything dangerous, but he still steps into a root and falls down, he will complain that he was fully aware of everything, but witchcraft had cursed his eyes to miss that root.

Other examples would be like if someone had made sure that he was 'magicked' against poison by the wiseman in the village, and made sure that he checked all the food before eating them, but still got poisoned, he'd cry that witchcraft was in effect rather than blaming the protection magics.

And as usual, there are the myths that spoke of witches that blew on brooms, gather at night for nefarious activities, including orgies, eating of children, cursing the community, or there are the other faction that believed that witches are sub conscious to their deeds, exercising their hereditory powers without knowing it, or there are those that believe witches are beings endowed with power from birth and are able to perform hexes naturally without spells and rites whereas magicians are those who specifically relied on rites and equipment and spells.

In conclusion, there are many different beliefs about witches and witchcrafts that differ from culture to culture, but it is generally held that the pattern of identifying witches are closely linked as to the social rules within the society, and that witches generally defied what was considered the social norms of that culture.

[mock prof] brian signing off..

Procrastinating Shrewd miser

2007-01-08T18:25:00.000-05:00

There is no such thing as a procrastinating Shrewd Miser. If he were shrewd, he'd jump on every good opportunity, and being procrastinating simply cancels everything out. so he becomes a procrastinating loser with a capitol L..

Which i am using to describe myself.

A few days ago when i just got back to Ann arbor, i took to visiting all the bookstores to scout out the prices of the textbooks, one of which is my AE 225 text book. At first glace it cost me 170USD for a new copy, a used one if i could find one would be only 100, and if i found one at the student book exchange it'll be even cheaper.

So Shrewd miser me waited for the book exchange.

So book exchange came, and i procrastinated..for a few days. Until God knows what activated me i went down for it just now to find the Aero section empty. Then i went back to all the book stores one by one..

All were sold out..

So poor me have to search online for a copy, paying through my nose [i haven't even found it online yet] and have to share a text book with a friend meanwhile..which is hard enough considering we have such different schedules..okay..it's me who is different from them..haiz..

so procrastinating non-shrewd miser signing out..

Stay blessed!

New School Term

2007-01-05T23:04:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, i suppose i owe you all a update on what i am going to do this semester? ha..not much to tell..

Basically the modules i am taking for this semester is the Engine 100 [required for all engineers to go through, it's kinda like a project work thingey], Aero 225 [Intro to gas dynamics], Math 215 [vectors and coord systems], and Religion 381 [witchcraft]

I'm actually kinda excited about 2 of these course, starting to dread one of it, and starting to get bored of the last one already..Aero 225 sounds really really technical but at the same time interesting, and the prof teachs well [i suppose], and the witchcraft class really got my attention now. Heh heh..so i go from a 'holy' course to a heretic one..hoho..kidding..

Engine 100 really scares me cos we have to gather in groups, which means i will be working with the local kids, and from what my friends told me, they had bad experiences working with some of them, either they ain't too motivated, or they have too much of a life out there. Somehow or another, i hope i dun end up with teammates who might drag me down. But then again, i am terrible at teamwork too..heh heh..so it's double kill..

Math 215 bored me today..ha..i saw the prof come in, and when she addressed the whole lecture group i half expected her to burst out in tears from the pressure or something. She is totally not confident of what she says, and she seems to inherit the same body language that my previous prof had, but while his body language exuded nonchalence and intelligence, hers betrayed some kinda fear or something..

Worse off..she started on some basic basic basic stuff like how to do vectors in 3D coord and she took SOO SOO long explaining it..i gave her some face, stayed for a while, but half hour into the lecture i could not take it and i started to leave the lecture room..total waste of time.

Yepp..thats my day.

The best part of the day happened 930AM in the morning, when a friend called in from Singapore! ha..Aunty Joanne! hah..totally surprised me. i saw your message in the morning, but i dun like to reply to singapore so i sorta ignored it, then you CALLED! ha..caught me off guard..i was getting off the bus somemore..ha..paisei i din talk much..ha..and yes, if you can, i will sit down with you at ben & jerrys and you can drag out all my secrets you want okay? ha..only as much as you can drag..ha..~bleah

Kinda remind me of the lyric 'and your friends will defend that silver lining'. Totally cool how when i let out that i am feeling down, i have friends and family calling in to make me feel better. Ha..totally feel loved, people..ha..thanks guys!

Stay Blessed!

Brian

Feeling Better [hopefully]

2007-01-04T23:51:00.000-05:00

Hey guys,

Hah..i may not look it, but i was better today than yesterday. 'Less bad' describes today very well..haha..i was less bad today.

First off, i received a email from a friend, can even call her an old friend le, known her since 05 august. Ha..Daph! ha..finally finally you took the time to reply my email! hah..i tot you would ignore me forever! hah..forgive me! hmmm..but somehow i wonder if you read this blog..nevermind..ha..

Another pleasant surprise came from my mail box when another 'long-lost' friend came back [to haunt me..ha..kidding..bygones] Khai! hah..was such a nice surprise, and it was such a beautiful christmas card! ha..i was wondering if i was ever going to be priviledged enuff to receive a home-made card from you! ha..but i feel so guilty now..cos i din send you one..gosh..i am one evil angel ain't i? ha..Anyway, if you DO read this blog, please tag me? cos i'm kinda feeling empty from this blog..starting to feel like no one reads them anymore despite the hit counters..ha..

Yepp, and school wasn't THAT bad off, just an awful waste of time cos term just started and there's loads of admin to do, and they naturally assume we haven't gotten our texts yet so they cannot start anything [which is kinda true..]

And i daresay today was the peak of my illness..which only means that the nasty flu bug and the stomach flu virus will go downhill from here! hah..but those people who saw me today will agree that i looked dead..to be honest, up till 8PM i was thinking that i would do a good friday performance this week..die on friday and thru saturday and sunday and resurrect on monday..my prediction may still come through, if this keeps up i may just have to wall myself in my room to recuperate and sleep loads and drink loads of water and rest up so that i can 'resurrect' on monday..ha..we'll see

But all in all, this was a good day and i just wanted to share with you guys the 2 joys that embraced me today..ha..yepps..you guys take care too! and strive to keep that silver lining shining through!

Stay Blessed!

Brian

School Starts tomorrow

2007-01-03T23:32:00.000-05:00

Hey guys..

Can guess that i'm not REALLY awfully excited about tomorrow..Aw well..school starts, a whole new semester, and past victories are forgotten. Even previous study mates drift off to seek new study mates and new 'brains' to latch on..and who knows..someone who did great last semester may very well struggle next semester, and someone who struggled may come out strong? ha..who knows? the magics of the new semester..everyone starts off on an equal footing..

Well, i'm not feeling fine and dandy..came back from vacation tired physically and emotionally, fell sick, think i ran a slight fever, had a slight flu, thankfully no slight cough, had a slight stomach flu..Ha..some kinda vacation..half of us wound up sick..

To top that off, i had this small notch of a shoulder ache that keeps bugging me..hopefully that clears up, or i'll have a bad day ahead tomorrow too..who knows? New Year is here already..

To Mom, i kinda realise that you read my blog, and i was kinda worried that you might press in and ask away how i was feeling, being lonely and all..i know you're being mom, and caring and all and i appreciate it, but i WAS feeling somewhat sick and somewhat ill at heart and somewhat lonely too just to even things out, and i really din want to talk about it, or have you worried. The only reason why i'm saying this here is by the time you read this i'll prolly be over it and fine so don't worry okay? thanks loads for caring..can feel it le.. :P

Looking on the bright side, at least i dun have to squeeze in a small room with 8 ppl again! haha..kidding..it was fun, and now i have the whole new year to look ahead! Fresh start, another chance to prove myself, and to excel at what i do, to live life the way i want to, to seek answers as i always have been seeking, and well, to keep friends close. A short list of my new year resolution.

1. To be a better person
2. To be a better musician
3. To be a better friend
4. To be reliable
5. To be healthy
6. To make Him smile [refering to God..i'm not gay..dun worry]
7. To be more fit [means gg to gym more often i hope..ha..]
8. To love and be loved [whatever that means..ha..kinda quoting from a friend here]

And before i forget, i wanna thank God for making me who i am today, someone who could give advises, someone who could tutor, someone who can find his way around strange cities with a map, someone who have a strange knack of making lil sisters along the way, someone who [hopefully] is capable of loving and being loved.

And the less selfish things i wanna thank God for; for giving me such a blessed life, for creating such a wonderful world, for creating people in His image [so we can catch a glimpse of who he is], for making tomorrow always 'less bad', or even the simple reason of making tomorrow always available.

To God who makes all things new, Cheers!

Stay blessed!

Brian

Back from Places!

2007-01-02T10:10:00.000-05:00

Haa..hey guys..i'm back! woohoo..

Tired actually..this trip has been tiring..travel to a place, squeeze in a hotel room with 8 ppl, and then rush here and there to sight-see..

Realised that i'm not THAT interested to see America after all..it's just cities after cities..maybe i should have gone UK to study instead..hah..oops..

Quick Update, on the trip, i checked my results, and i got my 4.0! hah..safe for now..yet another semester to struggle through to maintain this..but that will be for another time.

To my parents, ha..sadly, i have spent loads on this trip..i will do a quick math and see if i have enough to last me til march..ha..but SHOULD have enuff..hah..

i have not gotten the photos yet, so i will not talk too much about it..

Suffice to say that in a huge city like newyork, and traveling with 8 ppl does not make me feel crowded or any less lonely..Ha..i guess the bottom line is that i still feel very lonely..

So much so that i had to pang seh my xiao mei [XY] and some1 cos i just feel more lonely hanging around them one night..then had to burn off the sore feelings walking around newyork alone at night. So sorry for myself sometimes..I mean, if you travel with 7 frens, and still feel lonely, something's wrong right?

Yups..but i'm over that for now so dun worry..i will try to blog again about the trip once i got the photos yah?

Take care! God Bless

Leaving for New York!

2006-12-21T17:56:00.000-05:00

Hey Guys,

Yepp..i'm leaving soon..bus leaves the station at 830 PM, so here i am, signing off for a week, saying good bye and happy holidays wherever you are, and wish me good luck seeking my white christmas! i found out that i'll be in boston during christmas and it snows on sunday in boston..hope it carries on to monday, or at least i still have some snow left on monday to be happy about! haha..

Yepp..it's gonna be cool! wow..i tink i'm as excited about this as i was coming to ann arbor! hah..yepp..will tell you guys about it when i can, and rest assured while i do not have a camera with me, others do, and i'll grab hold of them and upload it! ha..so wait for it!

Merry christmas all!

The Journey

2006-12-21T14:05:00.000-05:00

Here i go..before i start, i warn you, what i say may shake your religious mind, if you start out with one. It IS going to be controversial, but i'm just having my say in this blog, and i do not ask that you believe in what i say.

First off, i must admit that i do not feel very very spiritual nowadays. Not really praying much and all, haven't been reading the bible for a while, but i'm gonna rectify that over the break [i hope..starting with good intentions here]

But i am very very confused. Very confused, and for a while i had thought that i was alone in this quest filled with questions.

Just what are we looking for in our religion?

Like i had wondered before, we all seek a kind of confirmation, a kind of God that we can relate to. When we were an agrarian society we worshiped a God who could manipulate the weather and give us a good harvest. When we were oppressed by a dominating empire, we worshiped a God who could deliver us from it, who would send a messiah of war to help bring us through it. And when we are now in a modern society, we worship a God who would give us the sense of security which we do not get from the world.

We all want to know that somewhere out there, someone cares who you are, and what you did, the sacrifices you make in life, even if no one else noticed or cared.

But that being said, as a christian, i am not very proud of the fact that people of the same faith could stand so divided over our faith. We're all christians, but we believe in different doctrines, and practices, different texts, different teachings when we all pursue the one teacher who is Jesus. Not to mention, in terms of worshiping the same God, Christians, Jews and Muslims are all in one accord. Then why is there such a divide? And how do we differentiate between what is God inspired and what is man inspired?

A text can be read in a million different ways, and that is just how our human mind works. No matter how a person claims to be objective, there is always a shade of bias and human failure that is prevalent. In fact, the presence of such 'flaws' make it even more authentic, rather than a perfect, make-believe story. Only that you can believe that no one council sat down and discussed how to create a hoax to play bluff for generations and generations.

No religion/belief that is built on lies can survive the test of time.

So in essence, what do we seek? In our faith? In our religion? In our seeking?

Oh, i seek. You cannot believe how much time i spent arguing with myself about what i believe in, what is right, what could be right and what may be wrong. And sad enough, i have come to the conclusion that i do not think any ONE way of thinking can fit mine. Ha..but i am not about to start a new faith myself..[madness] but i will continue to seek, thirst, and hopefully this need will bring me to where i need to be, where i can piece everything together and see the whole picture.

Even if i can only see the whole picture when i leave this world, it would be worth it, cos i can say that i spent part of my life seeking who God really is and how He works in our world.

but a few conclusions i came up with that i want to share, that may sound controversial to my fellow christians. Salvations do not come by faith alone! Or so i should say, faith comes with works. While salvation does not come by works alone, the same is about faith. Both need to come hand in hand.

And i had a great breakfast with my small group leader Kevin Armstrong, he mentions that through true faith, works will follow. And i agree. In the final judgement it is written

"When the son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne on his glory. All the nations will be gathered in his presence and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.

Then the King will say to those on his right, 'come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For i was hungry and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger and you invited me to your home. I was naked and you gave me clothing. I was sick and you cared for me. I was in prison and you visited me. '

'I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my borthers and sisters, you were doing it to me!'
"
So think on it. Faith was not mentioned here. Faith in Jesus gives you the right to the forgiveness that He offers. If you do not believe in that, you have no business in asking for forgiveness through Jesus. And yet, before Him, there is not mention of Faith, only of your works. Think on that. Faith alone will save no one, it allows you to be saved, but it will not save you.

Believe in Jesus, pray for forgiveness constantly when you sin and repent. Then when your faith is established, your works will come naturally. Being kind of heart, being like our heavenly Father and putting a smile on His face when you go about your business. That's what will bring us through.

Now, even if you are not a believer, i believe in hope, and i believe in the goodness of my father's heart. Even if you are not a believer, i would like you to just believe in Jesus, even if it's only for a short moment. Say this prayer with me, and even though after you say it you stop believing, it's fine. Just keep away from sin and do good deeds. This is a prayer for forgiveness.

The Lords Prayer[with minor editions i feel is appropriate. If you are uncomfortable, pls look up the original one in Matt 6:9]

Dear heavenly Father,
blessed be your name.
Your will be done, your kingdom come
In our lives as it is in heaven.
Give us today what we need,
and forgive our sins
and help us forgive others who trangress against us.
Lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.
For yours is the kingdom
and the power and the glory forever
Amen

And like Jesus says to the adulterous women in John 8,
"Neither do i [condemn you]. Go and sin no more."

Asking for forgiveness does not save you if you persist. But do your best to stay away from sin, and do good deeds. And maybe there is a chance for us all when we face judgement one day.

Be Blessed

After Finals

2006-12-20T10:22:00.000-05:00

Seems almost surreal. Finals are over, one term in michigan is over. 5 more to go[hopefully]. 2.5 years left here. The same period of time i spent in Army.

What am i doing now? Ha..When i had my violin lesson my teacher told me i should go out and do something. Funny thing, i think she could be younger or the same age as i, and she's telling me to hang loose and do something fun today. Maybe i should. What am i doing?

Ha..was actually laughing at myself..i HAD a lunch date with a guy! sounds wrong..And i got 'dumped' for a girl..ha..ain't that funny? No wonder i'm dateless..hah..kiddingz..

I'm actually dreaming of doing something phenomenal in my life right now..IF i gather the courage to do so..IF..wonder what is holding me back. Fear? Trepidation? Unknown? Doesn't that make life more worthwhile than just cruising around? Anyway, I'm in the throes of making the decision and i feel like a wimp already..Ha!

Okay okay..i WILL do it later..which means by dinner time anyway..hah..i will not tell you guys what it is, unless it works out or has no repercussions..ha..TOO BAD..:P

Yepps..this is a blog crazy entry going out to you guys out there who care, MY FINALS ARE OVER!

NewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYorkNewYork NewYork!

*cheers*

Message In A Bottle

2006-12-18T16:36:00.000-05:00

Reminiscent of a book i read, by Nicholas Sparks. Kinda different ideas tho, the book tells of a man who had lost his wife and sends letters to the sea, thinking that he could communicate his love to his wife this way, and instead the letters are picked up by another woman.

This song [according to me..DISCLAIMER] instead describes a love that a man has, but he chooses to bottle it up, and cast it to sea, hoping instead that the someone MAY get to read it. OR he could just have sent a message saying that he needs love in his life, in a bottle, hoping someone gets to read it and answer to that call..

Instead, it's been a year, and still no reply. Only hope kept him together, and while the love that he seek may mend his life, this love can also break his heart [this waitinig]

Hoping someone would see this SOS he sent out, that it would be unique, and attract someone unique, someone who could love him, and someone he could love.

But instead he finds a hundred billion bottles at the shore.

Are you one of those bottles? [I certainly am one of them..heh heh..not ashamed to say that!]

The Heart Of Life

2006-12-16T13:26:00.000-05:00

No guys, i would not be talking about the song..rather, the theme of the song is a nice idea tho..

Remember when i mentioned that life is all about love?

Wells, in life, there are times when we are loved, times when we feel lonely, and it's in these times when we find that life is routine, bleak, grey, and everything that is not bright and shiny. And we would wish that we would quickly find that silver lining in this bulk of a grey cloud that we wade through in life.

It's in these times when we need to know that the heart of life is good.

Think on it. Although there are many things that you wished that God could change this world for you, admit it! there are at least a dozen other things that you would not want changed for everything that you want changed!

You wished that someone would give you more attention, but at the same time you will not want that same person to become a jerk, a freeloader and wad nots? You wished that the next exam you have, you will have a fantastic grade, but at the same time you do not want to be seen as only exam smart..

Not exactly the best of analogies but you get the idea.

So live your life, look on the brighter side. I know sometimes there just isn't a bright side. I said brighter side. There's always a brighter side waiting for you to discover. Even when you're caught in the rain with no umbrella, you'll discover the fun of having the rain wash down over your head. Even when you came in last in a marathon, hey, you finished the marathon! Even when you feel lonely in your room, you've got my blog to read. [haha] so what are you complaining about?

As much as you'd like to say that life has been tough for you, just put a smile on your face and admit it; the heart of life is still good. No matter what you go through.

And just recently i got back my Engine 101 finals result. 106/125. Darn..i thought i had a perfect paper. Worst still, i did not get back the paper to see what was the problem! I seriously think that the grader did not understand what i wrote, which i should get full credit for having an ingenious answer [indulge me a bit]. But hey, i still got my A for the class..I should be thankful for that..Ha..so what if i did not get the full marks?

And i still remember something that happened a long while ago..It was a division marathon i ran for while i was still in 30SCE. it was a 5km marathon[not much] but i remember running and running, and when i was in the last stretch, i even made a small prayer to God, saying how much i wanted to be able to do a dash for the finishing line.

In the end, i had to slow down and clutch my sides. It was too much. And i was freakin pissed off. I came in 29th, and i walked like an idiot at the finishing line. Oh great. I prayed about it, i wanted it so much, and i walked. Fantastic. And i was sore about it for half a day.

Then it hit me. I was the 29th runner; there were about 500 other fit young men running the race and i was 29th. And i freakin walked to the finish line! ha..how many people can make THAT claim? ha..man, if i did not know better, i would realise that it was a miracle for me to be able to do that!

And it wasted half a day of being sorry for myself. I was wondering if i had a bunch of friends i could talk to about this, they would have told me that it was a great result already!

Hah..kinda unorthodoxed, but the bottom line of this entry is the line in this song
"and circle of your friends will defend that silver lining"

We cannot deny it. We are social beings. and though there are times i want to say that i do not need anyone, there are times i feel lonely, and even though i chose not to join others, there are times i wished someone would just knock on my door even if it's just a short chat. And when someone does that, i just feel good all over, even if its just returning my guitar. It feels good.

So here's to all my friends, who have knocked on my door some times in my life. If i dun answer, KNOCK HARDER! haha..kiddingz. Yepp. you guys rock my world, and rock it harder if i dun respond! haha..cranky me.. yepp..Thank you all for making my life my world. Let's all defend that silver lining!

*cheers!*

Family

2006-12-14T20:20:00.000-05:00

Kinda wierd that i would be blogging about this..

Had a really interesting conversation with a friend last night. She told me of how her family was like, or rather IS like [still is] but i'm referring to was because she was telling me how her family was when she grew up.

And i kinda felt a little weenie bit sad. Okay, i'll be honest. I am disturbed. Not because i did not have security, not because i wasn't loved enough. Just because it could have been so much more.

And I know i will sound very whiny and whimpy and everything..but hey, it IS my blog and i reserve the right to say anything on this blog without someone on the street shouting "Wimp!" to me..[and if that happens i will probably skin that person alive where he was standing..]

Anyway, I grew up in a stable family where there was always enough. I wasn't pampered too much to crave for material stuffs, i did not really need much money even though i DID spend all that i could lay my hands on, i learnt to play the piano, learnt to cycle [can't remember how tho], learnt how to fish [from dad], learnt moderation [tho i forgot about it while growing up..who doesn't?] and was provided for.

That being said, i have to admit that i'm not expressive, in the sense that i don't know how to express love very well. Love language is kinda 'in-built' and self meaningful in our family. For example, my mom loves by paying attention, and stepping in when she needs to. She loves by preparing great meals on special occasions sometimes, and occasionally just for no other reasons but to make everyone happy at meals. My Dad, i suppose, shows his love in the family by being the typical dad model, making sure everyone had their degree of freedom, everyone was well provided for, and he especially made time every saturday to take us all out on a dinner. My sisters are more enigmatic. Sometimes my elder sis shows her love by buying games that we both enjoy. My second sis would jio me to watch her favourite drama with her late in the night.

Me? I just live there..

Sometimes i wonder how i could be so selfish. Maybe it's part of being the youngest child. I kinda feel like i'm the one who is to be pampered [not that i enjoy it.] It's just that i dun feel like i'm in the position to be the pamperer. Namely cos i'm not working yet, cannot provide for anything, and i'm still the one who goes 'i want' tho not ALL that often. I spend my time in front of the computer, kill the cockroaches when they terrorize the house, fix light bulbs and try to install stuff on the computer.

Ain't that a tad sad?

I suppose, part of being a guy, it's really difficult to show emotions. Too well ingrained in the society is the idea of emotions as a sign of weakness. Well, guess what; it brought up one person who is too weak to show emotions! What this world does not lack is irony..

And when i see people who have close families i really envy them. Not because i dun have a family that loves me, but just that i have somehow shut them out while i was growing up. I really envy their closeness, the love i witness. Still remember when i saw Frank when he was leaving for NewYork for further studies. His whole family prayed for him at the airport! It was unthinkable [in the good sense] but it was done, and it does not make him a weak person, it made him strong with his family behind him.

And to you people out there who remember me ever saying that you are lucky to be so close to your family, i mean it. Treasure them.

To Dad and Mom [i know you read this sometimes] i hope you understand that i just don't express myself that easily [i tink you guys know this better than i do] and i do apologise that i do not talk to you two unless i really really needed to. I appreciate your presence in my life, the freedom you gave, and the times when you tried to teach me what is right. And i do hope that when you see me, you will find that you have done a good job of bringing me up.

To My sisters, Ha..you guys don't need to pamper me anymore..Grown up le..ha..thanks anyway..

Love you guys loads!

Love

2006-12-12T15:35:00.000-05:00

Love..

The ultimate pursuit of life itself.

Love..

The ultimate goal of life.

People love out of a need to love. We need to love our job. We need to love our family, people around us, we need to love ourselves.

People need love as much as they need to love. We seek the love and approval of our parents as a child, the love and approval of our friends as teenagers, and the love and approval of people we hold dear to us when we are adults.

People want to feel wanted, to be loved. Don't we all pursue our religion just to believe that we are not an accident? Don't we all want to know for a fact that our parents wanted us in their life and we are not an accident? Don't we all want to know that our friends want to be our friends because of who we are and not because of circumstances?

Love. Everything in life can be summed up in a simple and beautiful word.

Love, something that i am living in abundances of, and yet can never have enough.

Love..something that we all pursue in our life. For the love of people, we care. For the love of our job we toil. Or perhaps, for the love of the family we take what we take at work. For the love of God we worship and pray. For the love of friends we are always there when we are needed. For the love of ourselves we indulge ourselves a little once in a while.

Love..something that we all wished we were capable of doing, yet something that we are not ready to proclaim. How many times have you wanted to love somebody, but found that you lacked the courage to let it show forth? How many times have you pushed back that urge to love someone, saying that there is always another time?

Love..a tingly feeling that is unexplainable, or something that we have down to a science [or do we only THINK we have it down]

Love..something that cannot be explained but only experienced. Something that we all are capable of doing, something we are all made to do and feel. And when you think about it we were made in the image of God, and we are capable of love and thinking about love and desire love. That is just an image of God, doesn't that mean that God is more capable of love, more capable of thinking about love, and much much more desiring love than we do?

And love opens you up to wounds that cannot be easily closed. Even when you think all are forgiven and all are bygones it lurks in the corner of your mind when it matters most. Love can do that. Love can really hurt when it does.

But all that said and done, we still live our lives out seeking it. Like fireflies seeking the beauty of the fire even though it may destroy them, we seek a love that is everlasting, a love that is beautiful, a love that you can rely on. And at the same time don't we all seek to be capable of being that love that is everlasting, that love that is beautiful, that love that you can rely on when you are feeling weak?

Why then question the purpose of life, when we are made to feel love, seek love, and create love?

I lie not..I seek love, I seek someone who can love me wholly, forget what I have done in the past, who looks forward to the future doing things with me. I seek that someone more than whatever else i am seeking in my life now even though my time and effort spent does not reflect that. I seek someone who can understand me, who can be my port when my ship is broken, someone who can be my star when my sky is dark, someone who can be my breath when i can go no more.

And at the same time, i seek to be capable of that love i seek. Something i judge myself incapable of, or maybe even unworthy of seeking. And the funniest thing is who is there to tell me that except myself?

Life. Isn't it all about loving and being loved? When i do leave this planet and meet with my savior and final judge in heaven, i want to be reminded of all the things i have done loving people, loving myself, and loving God. I want to be able to tell Him that i have done all these when the time comes, because i believe everything falls short of this in putting a smile on His face.

I believe that i was made out of love, love of my parents, love of God, and i grew up in the love of my family, and my friends, and in the future, i will grow up loving my wife, my children, and my children's children. I believe that i was made out of love, that God loved me as He cradled me in His mind in time before eternity, and that He'd love for me to fulfill that design/thought that He had when i was made.

I believe that He loves me no matter what, but i believe that by loving and seeking love i will put a smile on His face. And that will be a slice of my life.

-Endz- Always remember the greatest commandment is not to respect, not to worship, but to love

Free

2006-12-08T17:17:00.000-05:00

Dear all,

Ohwells..in short, another song, another insight..I came across this song in church, and i almost did this song in the singaporean cell group last night except i did not prepare it enuff so i could not play it..Anyway, this song has particular meaning to me, especially after the few days of pondering about the meaning of life.

Sometimes i wonder if there is a meaning to everything. Does it matter if i acquire a nice car, a carreer, a condo, a cooking pot, a chef, a credit card , a club, a cbox..[all the Cs], would it make a better person out of the one who owned it? Or if i can make things that provided all these to people..would that make me better?

If i could earn loads of money, and have a family and lots of friends, would that make me a better person?

If i could do all the things in the world that could be done, would i be a better person?

Who tells me that i am a better person anyway?

This is where this song would kick in and tell you that you're free because only God can make you a better person, and only God can tell you that you are a better person. Only God can, so why are you working hard to make everyone else happy, but not making God and yourself happy?

Free (Hillsong)

Would you believe me if i said,
that we are the ones who can make the change in the world today

Would you believe me if i said,
that all of the dreams in your heart can come true today

Would you believe me if i said,
that life can be all that you want it to be today?

And if i had wings i would fly,
cos all that i need, you are
and if the world caved in around me
to you i'd still hold on,
cos you're all that i believe
and the one that created me
Jesus, Because of you
I'm Free!

Would you believe me if i said,
that God can make miracles happen today

Would you believe me if i said,
that you don't need to wait for the answers before
you step out in faith

Would you believe me if i said,
that nothing is ever impossible for God
(repeat chorus)

-endz-
"the truth will set you free"

Things worth living for

2006-12-06T12:15:00.000-05:00

Dear all,

Hah..wad a wierd topic..ohwells..to be honest, i have no idea how to give this entry a proper title..so i'm just going with that for now..

Anyway, just had violin lessons yesternight, which was cool..really glad that i have a background in piano and guitar so i hope it helps..and my teacher is totally cool..and pretty too..hah..wad luck! yea..just got a few more stuff i have to pick up before i can start playing songs too on the violin [and torture my neighbours]

AND my housing plans for next year seems solid now..Staying with Daryl, XiaoYan and Qianyi..ha..din figure that i would have co-ed housing, but i guess it works for me..ha..i'll clean up the dishes and do some chores here and there too okay? ha..like i'm gonna be a free loader lidat..heck, i'll even cook a couple of times until you guys complain that i CAN"T cook..hah..kiddingz

Life is good..just in case you guys are wondering why my previous 2 entries does not seem to point that out..In fact, just because life is good doesn't mean that i have found the purpose to it all..does that make sense? But i'm not rushing..God gave us 80+ years to figure that out..what we lived our lives for, and as what some people say, "life can only be understood in retrospect, but can only be lived forward".

I guess i'm just caught up with the idea of what defines all of us..so who are you?

If you're gonna tell me just your name, forget that i asked..a name does not define us..heck, there could be a million other people with the same name, so why bother? Maybe you could tell me what you do, but there could be a million other people who do that same thing you do too..Maybe you could tell me more about your character, but again, you're not the only one. OR you could tell me your life experiences, but i'll tell you one thing; that there is always another person who has gone down that exact same path that you have taken.

To tell the truth, i don't think anyone can answer that question satisfactorily. Like if google made a database of everyone in the world with their name, occupation, life story, experiences, resumes, and you tried to search for yourself, i'd bet you could not find yourself. [scary huh?]

But one thing i always remember is in the book of revelations 2:17b
"And i will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it"

Which is really the whole point. Who knows you better than God? He's the one who created you. Who knows who you are except you who lived your life? Even if you tried to explain to another person, only you would know the total truth. So when we live our lives, who are we accountable to? People don't know us. Your boss don't know you, the newspaper don't know who you are, the public will definitely not know you. But YOU know who you are, and GOD knows who you are.

So who are you living for?

Who am I living for?

-Endz-

Life

2006-12-04T00:34:00.000-05:00

Dear all,

I'm going to start off with a long quote from John Mayer, taken from JohnMayer.com where the cool cat actually posts his blog! coolness! but here it is..read it and chew on it..

"You're on an airplane, sleeping with your head against the window, your heart set on being home this time three hours from now. All of a sudden, something goes very wrong. The plane stops moving across the air and instead starts falling through it. The lights are flickering and the movie is skipping. The plane dips hundreds of feet in seconds, and the yellow cups fall from the ceiling. They're a brighter shade of yellow than you remember, because unlike the demonstration, these cups have never been handled before.

"Flight attendants take your seats now", you hear, the pilot's voice trembling over a cacophony of alert tones. You get that smell in the bridge of your nose like you've just been hit with a football. That's what the fear smells like. The plane is going down.Four more drastic drops in under a minute. People are crying.

For all the folklore about how your life flashes before your eyes, you're remarkably fixed on one vision - your parents. They're sleeping at this very moment, in a bedroom so quiet they can hear the clock in the kitchen. And you can see them, clear as can be. You wish you could see a playground or a first kiss, but all you can see is your parents sleeping. Huh. Well, that's that.Several long minutes go by.

Then, all at once, the lights come back on and the plane somehow rights itself. Some people cheer, but most people cry harder. The plane lands about an hour later, and as soon as you feel that touch down - hell, even when you were within 50 feet of the ground and could still technically survive a fall - you realize that however you brokered the deal between you and God worked; you've just been granted life in overtime.

Here's the question: what do you change? Whom do you call that you haven't spoken to in years? Whom do you realize has been toxic to your heart and drop with surprising ease? What trips do you cancel, and what trips do you book? What can't you be bothered with anymore? What's the new you like?

Think about that, and then ask one more question. Why not just change it all right now?"

and one more thing; remember in Hebrews 13:14

"For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come"

so why are we so hung up on worldly possessions, reputations, impressions and everything else that comes with it, when it is all transient? why do we not proclaim our love for sake of future working relations, or friendship, or any other matter when it is all temporary?

If life were to end in the next moment, what would you do? If you realise that nothing you work for now is going to stay with you through your afterlife, would you still tink it's worthwhile?

How is your life going to be defined? When you see God finally, are you going to have a hard copy of your life's resume to show him? what are you going to tell your Abba father, to show him that you lived? TRULY lived?

-endz-

Stop This Train

2006-12-01T11:55:00.000-05:00

Dear all,
Did i ever mention that i once used to pay specific attention to song lyrics when it caught my ear? ha..i guess everyone does at some point of time..well, here's one particular song that caught my attention, and it kinda spells out how i feel most of the time..ha..looks like i need a fresh outlook on life..here it goes..

JOHN MAYER
Stop This Train
No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an opened mind
I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I want to get out and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
But honestly will someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Come on stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
but honestly won't someone stop this train

So afraid of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
to find away to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68,
you'll renegotiate

Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute lose the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
When you're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing so you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train
I want to get out and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can
Cause now I see
I'll never stop this train

(think I got 'em now)

Great lyrics needs no more words to explain how i feel now..enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HwevhhNZnI
-Endz-

Thanks Giving Break

2006-11-26T18:05:00.000-05:00

Dear all,

So sorry for not blogging for so long, den suddenly word diahorrea again..

Been contemplating what to blog about..cos i DID mention that my blog is primarily to thank God for everything in my life, to blog about spiritual progess, to blog about successes and steps i have taken towards God, but then again, i need somewhere i can express myself, and let my friends know how i am..kinda caught in the middle..

But for now, please indulge me in some self-centred revelrie in celebrating this fantastic thanks giving break that i just had [*sobz sobz*..almost over] and let me give thanks to God in my own way. [like a kid who is showing his Dad what he had done over the weekend..hope that puts a smile on your face God]

So read on if you'd like to..my thanks giving break special..

Birch Run (II) !

2006-11-26T17:52:00.000-05:00

Dear all
Haha..this is like my lame attempt to look cooll..hah..at the insistence of my retail therapy pals Terence and Jeromy..haha..but i'm jumping the gun a bit here..

Birch Run II! haha..obviously the attraction was there, what with the 25% birch run wide sale at midnight..ha..In case you have no idea, Birch Run is like a super conglomerate factory outlet place where you actually use your car as a push cart cos the place is friggin big and the stores are kinda far apart. No where is Suntec or marina square comparable..ha..

Anyway, first off, it was a midnight sale, so we decided to drive over at 11PM..BAD CALL..we were driving along the freeway for about an hour, when we ran into a long queue to EXIT the freeway..and it was still 3 miles away from the exit! that was how bad the queue was..and it was not the only direction people came in from; there were like atleast another 2 outlet for vehicles to travel in, and it was 3 miles long queue to LEAVE the freeway..not to say we still had to drive to the outlet, and find a parking lot..which means those ppl who got there first had to LEAVE first..

Ohwells..we just followed Kianleong [darn good driver..a bit evil tho..the way we cut other ppl..hah..] and we cut the queue at the exit and managed to get in within half an hour. and started our retail therapy [never stop a buunch of college students from their de-stressing therapy! Muahahah]

And Yepp..i bought less stuff than before, but i still got that jacket i was wearing in the photo..and no, i did not buy the hat..hah..love that jacket sia..i tink i'm a jacket person now..got at least 3-4 jackets..almost more than my shoes le..ha..

Yepp..what else is there to tell..I managed to finish my shopping by 3AM, which was a long time, but not entirely my fault when the queue was like winding around the whole friggin huge shop..1 hour queue to pay up..ha..and the rest were like intending to stay until the morning..ha..literally shoe till they drop..poor drivers..

Yepp..the next day everyone was tired to the max..and we still had to prepare for the ThanksGiving Dinner we were going to do Pot Luck on..

Thanks Giving Dinner II

2006-11-26T17:51:00.000-05:00

Haha..and this is the thanksgiving dinner we had on friday evening! hah..

The picture on the right is the sphagetti sauce i was making, and the one on the left is a pic on what ever arrived early..ha..yepp..it was totally cool..except that it took us the whole day to prepare a meal..ha..

But i totally appreciate the convenience of having a kitchen and a fridge whereby you can store whatever you over estimate on buying..Like when you are planning for a single meal, you will definitely overestimate someth, then you'll need to store it..OR you dunno how much you need, so if you could store it, you could just buy more and keep for later use..ha..house husband 101..anyway, mine was easy to make..just sphagetti [make it el dente] and the sauce [which i was halfway confused whether i was making a beef stew or a sphagetti sauce..then i was asking myself 'what makes a sphagetti sauce a sphagetti sauce?'] so i took up pretty little of the stove time..

Ha..anyway, my conclusion was that it was only the tomato sauce that made it sphagetti..If i din add the tomato sauce, it would just become beef stew..ha..which pretty much means that everything is the same except for the final flavouring and touch to it..[of course stew would have to have potato so that it becomes more starchy..ha..not rocket science of course..

Yepp..so in the end it was fulfiling, enjoyable thanksgiving where we truly appreciate the skill of our moms, who could prepare a meal in an hour while we took the whole afternoon to do so..ha..Thanks Mom!

Driving II

2006-11-26T17:50:00.000-05:00

Ha..everything seems to come in twos [Hao Shi Cheng Shuang!]

Haha..lame..anyway, i managed to drive twice this break! ha..less than i expected, but since i had that scare that i wasn't going to learn at all, i'm thanking God for whatever lessons i can get here..ha..

Anyway, the second time i drove was on thursday..ha..i guess Vincent did not know..when he picked me and jinfa up he went 'who wants to drive first' and since Jinfa din know how to drive at all, it was me..ha..and dig this, we were NOT on the carpark..we were on the road..ha..so fun..

So basically, Vincentt din know what he was getting into, and i was just jumping for the chance to drive..ha..so i drove us around the campus..luckily that day there were less drivers around so it was easier to drive. Just had to have a few quick lessons on blind spots, changing lanes, traffic lights, turns..that was it..ha..the only real scare was when i was on the road at 35 mph and was required to make a turn at a traffic light..i assumed that since it was green i din need to slow, so i made the turn at 30 mph..hah..freaked Vincent and Jinfa out..ha..kena scolded for that..ha..but never made the mistake again..

then we went on to parking..which obviously went bad, cos it was my first time parking..ha..keep aiming for a lot, and the when turned, it was a different lot..ha..

The second time was just now..ha..totally cooll..learned for 2 hours..which is good..hopefully i can get it into permanent memory on how to drive..ha..yepp..this time driving on the road was no problem at all..just needed another eye to help me watchout for speed limits, stop signs, humps, hazards[pedestrians] and remind me on signalling..ha..which i always did very late, if ever at all..

And changing lanes..ha..din realise that when i check blind spots my whole body was turning with the wheel..ha..so by the time i finished checking i was halfway across the lane le..ha..

And parking was SO SO So much better now..cos got shao and Vincent simulate the cones and car so i can gauge where i need to go..rather than turn on gut feel..ha..

And since for the test we are given a generous amount of space to park, i can breathe easy and take the test soon like maybe after another 2 more driving experience..ha..cool manz..that'll be a total bonus! hah..

ENDLINE! haha..finally

2006-11-22T15:27:00.000-05:00

Dear all..

My midterm madness have finally ended..ha..makes me feel stupid that i spent so much time over it and getting all stressed over it..ha..i tink it's a bit of overkill..but never hurts to be safe than sorry right? ha..

Anyway, so far, i'm still looking forward to 3 almost perfect exam, and one quite shakey religion MCQ paper..ha..yepp..fruits of my labour..

Kinda tinking about it, i'm actually a student..as in, when people ask me what do i work as, i'm working as a student..as in, i'm in college, and i'm earning my keep while doing so..and the work i do is to maintain my GPA. ha..almost as bad as work itself, but hey, college is where it all starts right?

Haha..

Anyway, i've got my own beginners violin, and set myself up for lessons every tuesday starting 2nd december (25USD a lesson that is half hour...ouch!) at 6:30 - 7PM. Ha..kinda excited, but now i have no idea what posture is correct for a violin, and how to hold the bow..ha..but i kinda figure out how to get the notes out..ha..just need practice and proper teaching..ha..not like guitar can anyhow anyhow pia from internet..ha..

yepp..and turns out that i AM going to learn somewhat driving over the break! hah..we'll see if i can actually finish learning and get liscense while i'm here..or else when i come back i will go to driving school..ha..my aim is still to get a car when i start working! hah..

which means i will have to learn driving, and learn MANUAL driving[failing which then i will get an auto transmission car] ha..so much for my plans for the future..ha..

Yepps..so i'm really chill right now, playing diner dash..ha..trying to look for more games to play cos i'm bored..and play my guitar..ha..yepps.

*chill*

and probably i wil NOT take spring school this year..or ever..i kinda mapped everything out, i should be able to complete comfortably in 3 years or less..ha..so there..no need for a spring school [what difference will 1 module make anyway?] yepp..so Gambatte! i will just take full 16 credit load every semester! and hopefully i will have some time leftover to take a couple of religion class for fun too..ha..

Yeppz..so to all whom i have 'scared' with the 'i probably will take spring school' idea, i apologise..now i 'probably will NOT take spring school'..haha..yepp..so there..but the option is still open to take spring school in my third year so that anyone who wants to visit and see Ann Arbor can do so and bunk in with me..ha..

Yea..so there..gonna enjoy nuahing my holidaze away! hah..take care yawl!

-endz-

Insecurities

2006-11-18T23:31:00.000-05:00

Dear all,

Ha..finally..i guess now i am about to reveal something that i may have never considered admitting..

Insecurities..wonder how many people actually have that, but do not mention it to other people..

Insecurities..wonder how many things in life can I actually be insecure about..

Insecurities..wonder what i can do to get back that sense of security again..

Insecurities..i suppose it comes with growing up and being responsible for your own actions..

For most parts of my life, i haven't lived. That goes the same for everyone i suppose, but really, i wonder, how much of my life have i lived..kinda late to say that now that i've already gone maybe 1/4 of the way [wah..really ambitious! ha]

I really haven't lived..haven't made decisions for myself..everything seemed to just come by and i just pluck them right from the sky. Not trying to say that i am not thankful for them, or i should consider people who are not as lucky as i am, but that's not the point. I am thankful for all the blessings in my life, my friends, my confidantes and my 'achievements'.

But i still haven't lived..

Come to think about it, what are some of my ambitions? To be a role model[far from it], to mature [old liao..not yet there..haiz], to be popular[not really...ha..]..still remember when i was a kid when i wanted to be a lawyer for no better reason than because Atticus Finch [from 'To Kill A Mocking Bird] was one], and to be a good father [because Atticus was one too], to be a SNAG [Sensitive New Age Guy, cos i watched the drama..], to be a hero in our age [role model..making sacrifices for other's sake]..to be who i can be..

And lately i've added to these 'goals': to care for people, to share what i have [my blessings] with people, and be spiritual[way far far from it] and to know Him more and to truly be a son of God. To learn the guitar [far from it too..but the passion is dying down], and now to learn violin, to drive, to complete my studies, to visit my friends, to be back home where i can sweat profusedly, to start working and buy my own car, to live a jap/korean drama-like life where i get to work, knock off, go for drinks with a close friend, have romantique experience with some nice girl in my life, then later get married, have children, teach them to grow up living their lives, and complete my life at a ripe old age surrounded by loved ones..

Kinda scary to list out my life goals in one paragraph. kinda empty too..wonder how those people who have pages upon pages of autobiography written about their lives managed to do that..what wonderful people they must have been to have been written about. and my life is just going to sparkle for a few moments and die off. Just like that..

Then i will finally find out who God is and how is God like. Wonder if i can get to know him while i'm still here..

Frankly, i've been doing loads of thinking about my own religion. wonder if i HAD made a wrong choice doing this religion class..In a basic sense, i find that the knowledge i glean is meaningful, that i learn a lot, in fact, got to know who Jesus really was like, what He did and what he DID NOT do..but at the same time, i got to know how people can write about him and pervert how he lived his life to fulfill their own goals and agendas. and how later people can read the same literature and text and derive totally different meanings from it. and honestly, while it is all fascinating, it starts to build a seed of doubt, where i truly reconsider what i know to be true. Or what we all consider to be truth.

I for one, cannot bring myself to blindly believe. I cannot bring myself to 'unlearn' what i have now, and i believe the truth will not be diminished with what i have learnt, even though it casts a different light on it. So God, if you are reading this right now, i will admit that i may be a little more bit unteachable, but i also know that you are patient and that both you and I have all eternity to learn about each other. So i dun believe you are pestering me to rush in my belief. Or IF you ARE, then you'd know what it takes to convince me too. Maybe that is really what i need..

Insecurities..like i said, i haven't really lived most of my life. People made decisions for me, or influenced me enough to do so. The only major decision i made is where i am for my future studies. Even the fact that i am going abroad for studies seem to be decided for me by someone else. Ha..so much for making THAT decision. I only got to choose where to go..big deal..

Insecurities..who i am? why am i doing things? Why sometimes i believe God for a change for almost a year now and i still am not changed? Why sometimes i believed that one powerful service was going to be the turning point in my life where i get rid of something vile in my life, but it still lurks around? Why even when i tot i came half-way around the world 'fleeing' from that, it still follows me here?! ha..sounds scary? maybe it is..what kind of person am i really?

Insecurities..why do i procrastinate so? i have 2 midterms coming, 1 on monday evening, 1 on tuesday morning..and i am blogging now, and have wasted the whole saturady watching Jap drama[not regretting that tho..ha]..why do i disdain making the effort to plan out my studies for the next 3 years so that i will know what i have to do? why do i freakin don't want to make my academic advising appointment? [luckily i dun need that one to register for classes tho..ha..]

Insecurities..why do i tink about girls ? [muahahaha] why do i tink about playing my NWN games, only to tire of it after an hour? why do i hermit in my room for a whole day, decline to watch the 'game of the century' [michigan vs ohio in football], decline to go Stucchi's for icecream, and keep imagining that some1 knocked on my door?

Haha..guess that is enuff to confuse you guys what i am talking about..ha..kinda raving about everything and nothing there..indulge me for a moment kay? you guys take care too!

-end-
and the purpose to life is?

Too Long never blog le..ha..paisei

2006-11-15T15:11:00.000-05:00

Dear all,

This is kinda an updating entry, so that you ppl actually see something new when you hit my blog..ha..and not just check whether got juicy news on the cbox or not..[where there ISN'T any juicy news of course]

Yepp..like i mentioned before, i'm in the middle of my midterms, just had one on monday, today is wednesday, and Mech Engine on friday, and Computing on coming monday, and Religion on coming tuesday..so it really does not let up, so i'll be trying to squeeeeze in little patches of prayer time to make sure that He is with me now..ha..

Actually kinda felt empowered last night as i was studying this mech engine chapter that i was originally qt blurr over..ha..and then in the afternoon i managed to breakthrough and grab the answer and the winning program [figuratively speaking] that managed to complete the project i was working on! ha..but it is a miracle by itself manz..

The project was originally due on monday, so i worked on it on sunday, and was satisfied with the program that i made, so i just left it as it is..then i heard a news that there was a amendment to the project so i was like cursing and swearing [again, figuratively speaking] and had to make my way to work on it again on tuesday evening, cos there was a time extension of a measly day to work on it. Turns out that my program was NOT PERFECT!!!! ha..in fact it had such a huge error in it that it took me another hour to model my program to output exactly what the prof's one did. Ha..so the time extension that i was cursing/pissed about turned out to be a miracle from God..ha..Thank God..and after that, i got my breakthrough in understanding the ridiculously 'riddle-like' question that was attached to the project, which if i had not gotten it, our group of 'Singapore-allied-coalition against Falk' [Falk is the prof] would have taken another hour figuring it out..ha..

yepp..so all in all, this is a pretty trying period, but God is still with me, He has granted me another victory in Math 216, and several other minor victory through other people around me whom i helped in math [like i helped them study math, then i hear about their paper and i get the feeling of satisfaction..hmmm..maybe i should consider being a tuition teacher..hah..]

But i tell you guys, God is seriously working through many people around us. For example, i can just look and XiaoYan and just be impressed at her learning rate; she only took 3 days of cramming and i was able to bring her up to step with the rest of the class, and Lynn who basically gritted her teeth and tahan through the harsh study hours with us, and fought a un-ending battle against her stomach flu which is a terrible experience if you haven't ever had one before. Man..just look at these 2 powerful girls i just feel that 1 -i'm so lucky that i'm not in their shoes and 2- that i wonder if i would have done as well if i WERE in their shoes..seriously, having them near is good in the sense that i can see and learn from them sia..ha..must gambatte for my mech engine le..ha..can't lose to them can i? ha..or else they can go look for another math Shi Fu le..ha..kidding..you 2 rawk!

and of course my dear small group, all cool dudes who basically make my life here a more 'american' experience, or else i would just be hanging around the singaporean bunch..ha..yepp..you guys rock too! and the sharing you guys are prepared to do..man..i just feel so insignificant and uncontributive in small group! ha..all i can do is to contribute some insights i have about the bible..which comes to a little problem i realised recently..

I've come to a realization that my faith have been built completely on my knowledge of what happened. For example, I can confess truthfully that Jesus was crucified around 30-40 CE by Pontius Pilate, that he taught the coming of the Kingdom of heaven, and he DID perform several acts of miracles that people find difficult to explain [healings] and he was a social liberator of women and kids, and he loved people. Theologically, i believe that He bore our sins on the cross, that he actually called his disciples not only to join him, follow him, but to participate in the cup of bitterness that he was partaking. That we are not only to respect/worship him for bearing our sins on that cross at Calvary, that we were INVITED to join him on the cross, that we were meant to be there too, all for the salvation of the common good.

But believing does not translate to doing, and while i can preach, i can give insights to the bible better than most people [i guess] i'm not all that hot about doing it myself..like several stuff i can point out to people but once they look at me, i seriously dun think that they can see a role model in me..which is what bugs me..does that make me hypocritical? so that's what i admire when i see someone preaching, not because i don't have their insights/knowledge, but because of their courage to put their lives out in view and scrutiny of people, and risk being criticised when they meet their moments of weakness. It is scary, and even scarier if people brand you as hypocritical when you are doing the good of pointing out what is righteous to their eyes. Whether they believe it or follow it is up to their sense of what is righteous anyway. Why should the life of the one to point it out be a concern?

For example, if a criminal told you to love one another, but he is guilty of a devious crime of hate, would you just throw away his words as hypocritical words, or would you just absorb what he says, cos it is true and righteous to love one another? Maybe we should consider everything we see and hear, and absorb it according as how it applies to ourselves, rather than be outward looking for justifications.

hah..guess that is a rather long update too..ha..hope you guys are still reading this blog! hah..love you guys..what would i do with this blog?! ha..Praise God! Whoever you are!

-endz- God does not care who you are or what you did; When you meet Him in heaven, He will give you a secret name and a new identity in Him! (go read Revelations!) God forgives and forgets all!

Being the servant

2006-11-07T20:15:00.000-05:00

Dear all,

This is kinda a followup to someth i blogged about before..

Anyway, we had a great small group discussing about Jesus's act of washing the disciple's feet. Which is a fantastic thing that would just blow your mind if you tink about it.

Just think about it..Symbolically, washing of the feet is like washing you off of your sins that you have incurred on a day to day basis [because we are still human and prone to sins] so we still need the forgiving grace of God and Jesus to mediate on our behalf and wash us clean again. We do not need to be washed all over again [as Peter wanted] simply because that had been done for already by Jesus dying on the cross. But we will still need to continually allow Christ to cleanse us off our subsequent 'smaller' sins, just as the disciples' feet may still get dirty from walking outside despite their baths.

But on the other hand, although we need Christ to wash our feet for us[or we will have no part in Him] the act in itself is mind boggling because here you see the Master humbling himself, stripping himself down to servant-cloth [as in the gospel story] and kneeling before a seated disciple to wash his feet. What makes it possible for Christ to do that for us, Christ, who is the messiah of peace and of the Kingdom of God, the son of God to bend before you to wash you off your filth?

Spirit of servitude.

To Jesus, He knew what needed to be done, and that need outweighed whatever that his flesh may complain about, his dignity or pride. Be not fooled, because Jesus still had his bearing and grace and everything about him as he did so; he was not acting like a servant - he merely did what the servant needed to do. So to Jesus, his motivation was to do what needed to be done. Not for the gratitude of the disciples, not to a self-serving mindset of having people depend on him, but He saw what had to be done [in God's eyes/plan] and He did it.

So i guess that sheds a new light on my philosophy of helping people. I guess now it's more of seeing what needed to be done, and doing it, and thinking less of how my pride or dignity or need while doing so.

Hope you guys learnt as much as i have from this little small group meeting as I did. = P

Photos (snowy snow!)

2006-11-02T17:19:00.000-05:00

Haha...dear all..i just realised that i can connect my handphone to my laptop like my camera! ahha..so here it is..my first failed attempt to make a mini-snowman..ha..
it's smaller than my palm..you could do it at home with a ice kachang machine too..ha..i guess it has to be huge to look nice..ha..

And it isn't nearly as cold as last time..this time the snow falls slowly like in Korean drama..ha..MY GIRL! haha..exactly like that..so there..glad i could share this miracle of God with you ppl..Take care!

_Endz_

Snowing!!! Whee!!

2006-11-02T12:02:00.000-05:00

Dear all,

Once again, i apologise for having to tantalise you ppl with words that really cannot describe the bliss i am feeling right now..hah..cos my camera was thirsty for cola it went ahead without my permission and is now out of commission so there will be little or no photo updates on my blog..haha..

Anyway, just a quick update so you ppl know what i am up to nowadays since i hardly replied emails, or blogged, or went on MSN either..ha..like i disappeared from the internet..

Yepp..i HAVE been rather busied by the computing projects that came up..rather difficult projects that demanded several hours of my time for a few days..haiz..shan't talk bout that..but rest assured that i managed to complete them satisfactorily that i still can expect an A for my computing class..hah..hopefully..getting back a paper later and a project grading too..wish me luck!

AND midterms are coming again in 2 weeks..right now i start with an awareness of when it is, then hopefully procrastination dun sink in and i start to ignore that awareness..ha..pray that i will study for it..

AND dear jojomama had to blog about this fantastic korean drama, and i HAD to watch it on youtube cos Bleach 101 have not come out yet..and now i'm stuck on the korean drama..ha..'My Girl' is FANTASTIQUE! go watch on youtube! i wun spoil the joy of watching it by giving it a review..but it is great! hah..really feel like adopting a little sister and taking care of her lo..hah..hmmm..budden i already have a lil sis..haha..yepps..will take care of you when i get the chance to! ha..

Yes yes..that's like my passion nowadays..to rush back from a crazy class, then chill in my room watching the drama..ha..and the main character happen to have her birthday on snowy days..which leads me to the topic of this entry..

It SNOWED! IS SNOWING! haha..been looking forward to it for very long le..since 2 weeks ago it snowed, it hadn't snowed at all..then last 2 days was warm [like 20 degrees i say it's warm le..my body thermometer is spoiled le..] and then was totally caught unaware yesterday as temperature plunged, and today it's (-3) to (5) degrees celsius..ha..and precipitation!

It's still totally cool..like i was telling Jinfa, i could just stand in the cold and stare at the snow coming down..this time it was floating down to the surface..and i was seriously trying to catch a snowflake now and then with my hands, then marvel at it melting in my hands..or just looking at the shape of the snowflake..always tot they were lying when they said that snowflakes had a very unique crystalline structure..IT"S TRUEE! haha..

Yepp..and even now when i was waiting for the bus in the cold with many people around, i was like facing the biting cold wind and staring at the snow..i actually wonder if people were staring at me watching the snow, cos i must've got my jaw dropped while watching or someth..hah..i am really THAT marvelled by snow..like a child seeing a miracle..

And Jinfa said someth that kinda made sense, when i mentioned that i could watch snow fall down forever.

'people here will see you watching snow like we see some dude in singapore watching rain and marveling at it'

which brings the question how much we actually take things for granted. Like how someth that can be so sacred, be sullied by the fact that it became routine and 'normal'..If you think about it, even rain is freakin difficult to simulate using human means, like some pilot had to fly up there, look for a rain cloud, and then seed it with chemicals..you get the idea..and God can just make it rain at His command. Or how it is impossible to survive on earth if there were no sun..how rain can mean life to people possibly living in the desert where it rains once a year during the 'rain season'[duh], and of course, how marvellous snow can mean to someone like me who never saw snow in his life before..

How easily we can take things around us for granted. How easily God's blessing can be ignored and treated as commonplace when it could be very coveted by another person. How about peace in politics, food on the table, warmth in your living place, internet connection, phone connection, clothing..etc..

And do you know how much it'll mean to me to actually feel really warm? like right now, when i drink a cup of warm tea or coffee it's like us drinking a cold milk shake in Singapore? and the fact that you never really feel warm in a place like this even with heating in your room [the temp is like forever 20+ max lo..like airconditioning back at home] ha..whining about stuff here abit..

But my point is not the whining..dear all, please, at least for today, make a mental note of what things are really commonplace to you, and think about how it could mean to someone else who isn't in your shoes..pray about it..give thanks and be thankful. For it will definitely mean someth to God to acknowledge the blessings that He is trying to bring into your life, except you don't recognise it..It will please His heart and give Him a warmy lovey dovey feeling to know that His efforts are appreciated..Wouldn't you want to make your Heavenly Father feel that? Take a moment now, just a second of the whole day that He has given you, reflect back, and give thanks for this day, that He has given to you.

-endz- Snow WHEE day! haha..thank God

Helping Spirit

2006-10-27T15:15:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Ha..i have someth to confess..

It's like some kinda 'flaw' or defect in me..somehow when i CAN help some1, i usually feel rather obliged to do so, and failure to do so would result in me feeling guilty when i go thinking 'Man, i coulda done someth about that..'

I tink it first started when i had this close friend, and when i felt like i was starting to know her pretty well, then at the end of the sec 3 year she suddenly told me that she was dropping Chemistry for her O level.

That was a shock..for me..i mean, i knew she wasn't doing fantastic for it, but i din know it was THAT bad..i started to wonder if i had been more concerned with her results and asked about it, if i had found out that she was struggling with academic studies, i could have offered help and allowed her to tide over the exams or someth..it was like a stark reminder that i should be more concerned about people around me..I took it literally as MY FAULT for allowing that to happen to a friend when i could've done something about it..

Now, dun go and tell me what i should be thinking, cos i KNOW all that..It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out tt eventually, all of us have to be responsible for our own choices in life, and I AM not responsible for what someone did not do..but then again, i know that, but i just don't operate that way.

So anyway, i've made adjustments to my tinking since then..so now, it is customary for me to be offering my service to almost everyone whom i can reach to, in ways that i can help, and if they don't take advantage of that, i'll start to think that 'hey, i offered, you just did not take it up..' so that justifies me when anyth happens. Pretty self centred/serving in a way, but i guess i AM offering my services in assistance anyway possible [i preety much go out of my way to do so..almost..unless it's ridiculous]..yea..so that's how i justify myself sometimes..and you cannot really expect me to jump into anyone's life and start changing stuff..it just ain't happening that way..

The second best way to help someone is to help when help is requested, and of course the best way is to help until no help is required [teaching them to learn instead of relying on me]

So to ppl out there who are wondering if you should take advantage of whatever i offer you, pls DO SO! or else i will feel guilty if someth happen to you that i could have prevented..ha..yepps..hah..all part of accepting grace..

-endz

SIGNIFICANT COOLNESS!

2006-10-23T18:29:00.000-04:00

Dear all

Haha..i am very very contented and happy right now! ha..just got back the last of my papers and it was awesome! ha..as i expected it, a perfect paper..But not only that, i have a lecture buddy whom i helped out with his work and understanding for the lecture, after the paper he was sick worried about it and he had several mistakes in it, but turned out that he had scored 97 % for the paper too! hah..so that places the 2 of us in the top 10 students in the lecture group of 100+, definitely in the A+ grade..hah..and we were scared silly about the grading cos everyone around were getting full marks for their homework..The statistics for the lecture was as follows: highest-100(5 other ppl got that), lowest - 11(1 sad dude) and the median sits at 76%. ha..so we did pretty good! coolness!

AND i was so worried about another project i did on my engine 101 class(computing) cos i got it back and it was a lousy 25/50 which was shocking cos i am very very certain that my code worked..so i submitted it for regrading, tried several ways to have my GSI look at it and finally, just moments ago, it was corrected and now i got 49/50 for it instead!! Woo HOO! double whammy for a great day! ha..so my computing class is back on track for an A!

Ha.. I know..all these may seem insignificant to you guys out there who are not studying, but when i spent like tens of hours preparing myself for my midterms, and almost 18 hours on my previous project, you'd better think that it is significant to me and my world. And God knows that, and He gives the victory to me! Praise be to God, for He knows of our innermost needs and desires!

And i thank God that He made events fall in such a sequence that i 'woke' up from my complacency regarding my school work in time for me to work hard and get the result i needed so badly..ha..and i am glad that i recognized that timing too..ha..yepp..short update..

-Endz

Significance

2006-10-23T14:58:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Okay..one of the issues that came up in my mind is the issue of significance of events, which i believe is the cause of the whole fiasco that was the c box topic..ha..but once again, i want to stress that i am not miffed, angry, or disturbed by the whole issue..i just feel that it should be directed to my mailbox so i can address it more properly than the c box cos it cuts off into really small paragraphs..ha..So Yunling, if you are still reading this, send me a mail, and we can have an enlightening convo on email about the issues. I would love to learn from you as much as you will be willing to share, and hopefully you can get a view of what i see as well..that sounds good? ha..and i promise if the discussion is fruitful i WILL publish a post here and maybe change my profile if need be so that no one would be mistaken about what i blog in here..

For starters, i would like to inform everyone out there, that all things come from God. He is the creator of everything and nothing is exclusive of that.. SO even if you had the worst day of your life, you can't go ard saying that Satan was responsible for that..cos that is essentially saying that Satan managed to do someth against God's will and supervision [which is WRONG!]

Take Job for an example. God specifically gave Satan the 'go ahead' to do all the terrible stuff to Job. but the key issue is that Satan had to get permission from God to do that! he is powerless by himself! that spells a major victory on our side manz..and in Luke 22:31-32, Jesus said to Peter

"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat. But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers"

Here, Jesus Himself warned Peter that Satan had been granted the permission to test Peter and the rest of the disciples! So if you guys think that Peter's denial of Jesus 3 times is just because he was a weak-willed believer, you better think again, cos i think a large majority of us would do worse than denying Him if Satan had the free hand with us. On top of that, the Gospel downplayed the denial of the other disciples and believers because Peter was taken to be a shining example of them all; if Peter had denied Jesus, so had the others. But the point i want to make is that Satan had to have permission to do his evil job..

So all things come from God, even the really tough days..so what do we do about it?

In Luke, after Jesus warned Peter and the disciples about the upcoming testing of their faith in Him, Jesus went back and prayed for them; but he did not pray for their strength and endurance against Satan, Jesus prayed that his faith should not fail, which is the key to surviving and doing well in spite of adversity.

All in all, we will still need to understand why God allows these things to happen. Obviously He does not do it out of perverse pleasure of seeing us struggle, so if you think back on who God really is, and you read back the Old testaments for patterns, you will realize that God has a tendency to test those who profess faith in Him! It is all a test! so how you do in it, really depends on how you rely on God, and even if you fail, you will have a chance to redeem! [read the end of Luke, where the 3 denial of Peter was returned with 3 proclaimations of love] and the best part is, whether you pass or fail, you will still have someth to learn from it, for our God is a God of learning and progression!

That being said, the ways God tests us differs from person to person; a test may seem impossible to some1, but may be ridiculously simple to another. So it's all a case of SIGNIFICANCE to that person. So many of the trials that we all go through, have a personal significance to that person such that if he would find it difficult to tell another person and expect that person to relate to him.

Which is exactly the case about my blog..so here is the major DISCLAIMER NOTE! ha..all/most of the things that i blog about here has personal significance! In no way i have declared that my personal life and Godly behavior should be separate; they are 1 and the same, but the testimonies and the 'downs' i share here has personal significance because that is the primary purpose of it. I do admit that i should once in a while consider the audience i am addressing here too, but unless they shout in my c-box, i have no idea who is reading my blog except my friends or people who understand me.

And the point is, when i glorify God with my own testimony, or i write a blog that shows my distress and disturbance or disappointment with God[or what He has caused to happen in my life], it has personal significance and if you dun understand that, you should keep it as that..LIFE GOES ON! and after that event, life is good once more as i slide back into God's grace. yea..so there..

-Endz-

A quick update

2006-10-22T02:49:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

And now i am about to update and share some of the testimony i have..my MIDTERMS! hah..a more complete update of it..my engine 101(computing) midterm was perfect, my math 216(Differential equations) was 145/150, my religion 280 class(Jesus and the Gospel) was 43/50 (which is a B and i'm not all that glad for that)

All in all, it wasn't a bad midterm, not fantastic either, but i'm really glad that God took me through it and made me realise someth about myself through it..Like learning what my mugging stamina was, wad's the longest i can mug, and the effect of that..ha..like the longest i did was 11 hours straight, but the next day i could only do 6, and after that i pretty much zoned out for the week and fell sick..

I DO admit that at times i felt like i was running on my own strength and it really felt bad and tiring and everyth..ha..so i really should try to squeeze in time with God even with the studying i'm doing..yea..i'm really guilty for not spending time with Him..

All's done and gone, i have another mini-midterm next week for computing, and hopefully i can squeeze it for another perfect paper..cos else i'll have trouble getting my A for it cos of a couple a mistakes i've made in some projects already..but so far, i've been doing pretty well, enough to be recognised by my friends and being a contribution to the group i'm working with on Projects..really glad for God empowering me with the skills for me to shine in my way.

Ha..and i remember tagging that i spent time in the computer lab on one particular project on wednesday night through to thursday morning, from 11PM to 530AM the next day(6.5hrs) and subsequently on thursday i spent another 2 hrs after school, and office hours from 7 - 9 (4 hrs) and on friday i spent time at the com lab with them again from 10PM thru to 2AM (4 hrs). That's a total of 14.5 hours spent on that programme..which is less than what some of the others put in..

AND i'm proud to say that the final part of the project was MY BRAIN CHILD! haha..i admit that the first part of the project i was totally lost and relied on their input and basically they did everyth, but in the final stretch of the programming, i came up with the algorithm(thinking/conceptualization) and worked with Jinfa to comeup with the actual coding and debugging for the program to work..hah..it was (mainly) MY BRAIN CHILD! hah.just when i was feeling so useless and 'copying' their work for the first part of it..hah..thank God for that..

And that is the main reason why i haven't been blogging..cos this project gave me much stress..ha..gave me a sleep debt of 6 hours yesterday which i only repaid halfway..ha..and tomorrow with church in the morning so i cannot really sleep in..haiz..but i'll squeeze in time for my prayers soon(hopefully) and try to rely on His strength instead..and hopefully that will work out for me and i'll tell you about it! ha..Thanks for reading so far guys..ha..it's kinda a personal acchievement and really a minor one if you look at it, but it is significant to me and i thank God for that.

-Endz-

RE: Darnest day

2006-10-22T02:40:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Oh wells..since some1 commented on my last entry, i tot i should prolly address that issue..anyway, that WAS my way of saying that i had a really bad day, and i'd like to record that day down, so that i can in turn, remember to be really grateful for the really nice days that i encounter. In a sense, that would be glorifying Him for what He gives me..

But on the other note, would it be right then to ignore the feelings that i felt on that day and not enter it? Would it be right then, to not blog about that day, since it WAS also a day that God gave me? It may be a tee bit whiney [actually a whole lot..hah..so i was feeling whiney that day..so sue me..]

and i still feel thankful for that day..cos the birthday girl DID have a great time and she felt loved by all her friends around her. and although the flowers i got her eventually rotted while waiting for her at the front desk, i'd like to think that she was surprised by it and the parcel and everyth and the card that i got everyone to write for her..i mean, it's not fantastic, but at least it was SOMETHING and she was thankful for it.

AND the argument i had with my friend was settled the next day. so right now everything is fine and dandy. and to make a short note of it, it was a minor victory against what could have made me feel much worse.

And here i really must make a disclaimer. Here i am blogging about my life and how God has acted and blessed me in my life, and i will blog about the days that God allowed to be tough and difficult on me emotionally and personally, and i'm really glad that i have this blog to express that. That being said, this blog has PERSONAL significance. and i do apologise if sometimes i do not express that well enough for you readers out there, but I know how i felt, and God knows how I felt back then, and i guess that's really enough for me..

But i'm glad for the reminder tho..keep me on my toes and remind me what i'm supposed to blog about..hah..so much i should be updating on my blog which i have not done..

Oh ya..and this blog also blogs my life..ha..i only have this 1 blog, and although glorifying God is one of my themes, this blog also have my own personal life as a theme, so maybe that explains why some of it does not seem to do it's purpose..ha..yepp..hope you guys understand and please allow me to indulge myself sometimes..ha..as long as i am not shaming God i guess..ha..God glory never depended on me alone anyway..ha..yepps..so there..

Darndest day ever

2006-10-18T00:19:00.000-04:00

Man, today is the pits..

Had a bad argument/discourse/argument/differing view with one of my good friend, suddenly felt like i was being forced to placate her, treat her with kiddy gloves when she's already all grown up and an adult with a mind of her own

Then i tried to organise someth for a friends birthday, only to find that something else happened that dampened everyone's mood for it..still went ahead with it, downplayed it a bit, and in the end got overplayed by someone else..i tink everyone like forgot that i was the one who put together the initial party/surprise..

Ended up soaking my camera in coca cola cos i put the leaking bottle of coke and my camera in the same plastic bag..and now my camera is screwed up and i cannot post the only photo that made my day today..the one of a shocked Jean opening her room door..manz..

But i guess i can live with that..the argument with my friend is prolly my fault anyway cos she MAY be right too..maybe i'm just picking on some of her words [but i still tink i'm right..so if you're reading this, you've got a lot of convincing to do if i'm wrong..]

And the party? shucks..i never thought to 'claim credit' for it anyway..what did i do? make a couple of phone calls, spend a sunday with a dreadful headache shopping for some stuff, spend another dreadful monday shopping for the gifts itself? heck, i was even watching anime all the way so it's not like i out my heart and soul into it..ha..so i got wad i deserve anyway..non-existant recognition for almost negligible effort..woopie for me! ha..

but the camera..ohwells..i'm not taking THAT much photos anyway..and since i've been complaining about the lousy camera that i paid 500+ sing dollars for..i guess i got my just deserts..now i have to spend more to get another one..haiz..not even sure where that money is gonna come from...so in the future i'll try to get into other people's photo and get them to post on web and i link it to my blog lo..ha..more troublesome, but they always take better photo than me anyway..

ANYWAY, bummer day..and school starts tomorrow..haiz..wad a fall break..

-Endz-

Final part of birthday

2006-10-15T18:21:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

First and foremost, i'd like to thank Momma for having me 21 years ago, and the 9 months she went through, and for picking my birthday on a popular examination day..[kidding la..haha] and for God/Jesus to have 'picked me up' before anyth seriously went wrong in my life and showed me the light and the way to Him, and for being so real in my life since last year i was saved on the same day.

This year will be marked as one of the very great birthdays i've ever had..ha..truly..in the past, i'm so used to ppl forgetting my birthdays, or only my dear reliable penpal Jun would remember and remind me..and after that, it'll be Jun and her best friend my lil sis Huiling to come surprise me..and of cos Christine who would make my birthday special in those times..but understand that i knew these great people in my life pretty late in my life, [only Jun, who is my bestest, oldest friend..haha] yea, so most of my life i'm used to only a old friend Jinlin[who's all about disappeared from my life? ha] who would exchange b-day cards with me cos i still remembered hers..ha..that is the story of my birthdays..on top of that, my family did not particularly celebrate too..only order take-aways from KFC which is rather rare..ha..used to be special, but when we grew up these little priviledges became more common and started to be commonplace..so birthday was usually not very popular with me..

Well, this year, i'm really surprised..cos it seems that i've really met so many people in this last year, or that suddenly all of them realise they missed me now that i'm not in Singapore [haha..so ego of me..] yea..this year is like the most number of wellwishes i've ever received, and gifts as well, as well as cards and a freakin expensive call [jun, i feel your pain..thanx manz..] yea..

Really feel blessed to have so many people in my life who love me dearly as a good friend..shall not lose that manner of love..ha..but truly, it's been a great year, and it's my priviledge to get to know all of you, and it's my priviledge that you guys are actually reading this blog of mine and getting to know me better..[seems to be getting more hits nowadays..haha..yay!]

Yepp.anyway, today should be my last package of birthday wishes already..It's from my dear little sis, Huiling, who gave me a hand-knitted scarf and a letter..ha..really very very touched even tho i knew what it was gonna be already..ha..but still cannot believe that you love me enuff to spend so much time and effort doing someth like this..and i only gave you a lousy sweater..haiz..reflection time for korr..ha..

Yea..and i'm really lookin forward to the end of my winter term here..so i can fastly go over to Poland and drop in on you! Dear lil sis..haha..then will do my best to make you so sick of me then you wun miss me so much next year..hah..really glad that i'll have a chance to spend time with you alone there..haha..so romantic..hah..too bad you only my lil sis horr..kidding la..

yeapp..and here is the photo i promised you when i get photo trigger happy..ha..you take care horr..dun fall sick!

Thank you all for this great year..hope that i will spend another great year with you guys!

More Pics!

2006-10-14T19:58:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Well, to start off, it's friday, and midterms are finally over, so as i was walking back from my test room, i was holding my camera and apparently took a pic of a nice red tree [tree where leaves turned red la.ha.] yea..here it is

Apparently i was very bored and i took a pic of myself and the backdrop was like somewhere in the central campus where most of the art/science/languages courses had their classes

Haha..here i am with a wierd face cos i tink ppl were staring at me..a bit paiseh cos not used to being tourist here..ahh..but MIDTERMS ARE OVER! RAAWWRRS!

Anyway, further down this day, like most of the stuff i went through qt blur cos today like most ppl planning for their chicago trip and i'm not part of it..but i managed to catch one more pic that made today worthwhile..hah..

Ohwells..not that i'm desperate or wad..but ain't it just great to be able to take pictures with beauties? hah...not gonna tread into the trap of discussing what is my perception of beauty here..hah..yeap..dangerous topic..anyway, i'll be adding to my bounty/bootys so hah..gonna have more fun with my cam..ha..

And, btw before i forget, this is Qianyi..yepp..really smart girl who's got the A*star scholarship and sold her life for a longer period than i..hah..no la..yea, she really nice, easy to talk to..hah..or else i wun take photo with her wad..hah..yeaps..one of the nice girls in the Singapore freshis bunch..ha..and we share loads of childhood memories watching all the good old tv dramas when we were kids [albeit different houses and tv sets..i din know her when i was growing up..hah..]

Oh..and later i went around to a certain store known as China Mercs [china Merchants..duhh..] yea..and got some foodstuf that i din tink i would have gotten..i got a 3-in-1 coffee and some ginger tea and breakfast cereal mix [not corn flakes kind but the 3 -in-1 kind and some cup noodles..and here it is..

And the worse part is that it costs $$$ to get these! like each package you see here is 5USD [qt reasonable here..but compare that with singapore..haiz] and wad's more it's all from SINGAPORE! [dun say the cup noodle la..hah.from korea] yea..hah..so i've got some stuff from Singapore that my family and frens did not ship over..hah..but notbad..at least i wun wake up gg for some classes hungry cos the cafeteria have not opened yet...hah..well, that's that for picture shows today..kinda doing someth in the dark now so i'll update you guys after it's done..hah..don't i always? ya guyz..take care!

AND since i'm giving a camera show anyway..

2006-10-12T14:55:00.000-04:00

Okay guys..here's 2 more photo i tot would be kinda interesting to show..ha..din realise i did someth like this too..ha..

Spot the difference? [no.i'm not refering to the cars..not the clouds either..]the trees! hah..this is the view from my dorm window..and sadly enuff, the trees here are qt resilient so haven't shed or all turn colours la..but the maple trees already did, and it's really cool to be standing under them with a strong breeze..apart from the obvious coldness factor [cool..geddit?] when the leaves float through the air, pushed by the gentle breeze ..really like those japanese comics where it's so romantic to stand under the trees and leaves blow around..

And HERE IS SNOW! haha..sorry guys..i tried to capture it with the fastest shutter speed le..but it all just turns out hazy..yep..but THAT IS SNOW!! haha..just captured it, this is real time as when i post this..ha..yea manz..and it really comes down floating this time! ha..reminds me of bubbles, and then again, of the snow globe where you shake and the bits of whitish stuff floats down in the liquid..but the bulk of it comes pretty quickly and harshly..then when it's dying off then it'll float down nicely..yea..again, reminds me of the japanese comics where the characters look into the sky and breathes out the words 'it's snowing...' and stop to marvel at the beauty of it..and here i am, still alone [my roommate dun count..he's a guy..] and yea..enjoying myself here watching the snow come down..yepps...today's pretty cold, from -2 to 3 degrees..no surprise it snowed actually..ha..but my water bottle did not freeze up..hmmmmz..haha..nevermind..yea manz..so this is my 2nd episode of picture show [with sporadic word diahorrea too, if you dun mind me.]pls take time to read thru the multiple entries i made cos i took the time to write them, but then again, if you don't i'll still love you guys for trying anyway..ha..yea..take care guyz..ha..visit me while i'm here..i'll put you up in my room..ha..no air ticket endorsed..

-Endz- Ahh..beauty of snow..

posting some pics..these are memories from MAF and beyond

2006-10-12T14:33:00.000-04:00

Dear all..

Just in case my viewership will fall cos i've been like words diahorrea so far, i'll entertain you guys with some pics

Oh wells, believe it or not, that is the bell tower in North Campus..not awfully meaningful to me, but it's there..ha..and i have my camera...ha..okay..i suppose it's NOT very entertaining..i try..

And here we have the 3 girls![left to right: Xiaoyan, Jean and Lora] ha..and i'm not inside..[cos i'm taking the photo..duh..] but still, i've been part of the gang, and still haven't taken a photo with them..wierd right? ha..maybe i should try that one day..but for now, here them working! [and me disturbing] yea..Poor Jean and Lora stood in the cold at the table giving out the door gifts and prizes for the participants for the MAF event..and had to wait there until all the teams finished their 'amazing MAF race'..ha..yea..was fun..but they were all complaining of cold hands afterwards..

And here i am priviledged to have one of the beauties on campus [freshmen too!..ahem..] yea..ha..one of the rare photos i actually take WITH any girl..ha..yea man..lucky for this..or else i woulda have nothing to show for my life here..ha..you ppl woulda thought i became a monk or someth awful like that..ha..Oh..i forgot..this is Annie..kinda knew her much later than the rest, cos she had her parents with her and din hang out with us at that time [tsk tsk] but when she joined us she hadn't had a chance to walk around campus..so i walked her around campus..haha..poor annie had a stinko me [smelly from playing some sports i cannot remember what]..ha..walked her around central, pointed out main attractions [or non-attractions], brought her to the flag shop borders stall where she was amazingly engrossed in the japanese comics there [and borders allow you to read there!] and brought her to a cheap 2nd hand book store too..and got her started reading romance novels [got her 'message in a bottle' by Nicholas Sparks] and left her at coffee bean/or amos [really can't remember] to enjoy her book while i headed back to change and wash-up for the dinner later [not with her alone mind you..ha..with loads of ppl] yea..ha..so that was my 'date' in Michigan..hah..so sad..not even real one..haha..*grinz*

Yepp..so i included the element of pictures with short stories of what happened then [kinda backdated..paisei] yea..so enjoy, hope to do so some time again..hopefully i can capture some pictures of nice snow falls? ha..wait and see..

-Endz- thank God for the miracle of image capturing technology! hah..

SNOW!!!!

2006-10-12T12:12:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

First of all, i will have to apologise for having need to tantalize all of you with my description of what i saw this day with no photo proofs about it..haha..yea manz..but how can i keep the urge to describe it on my blog? ha..cannot! so here i go..

Anyway, it was like at the end of the stupid math lab where i almost finished my assignment but time had to run out on me..haiz..anyway, was walking outta the building then when i glanced out of the window i saw it.

Not exactly the picture of snow i've always pictured, like of those snowflakes falling slowly down..it was like a swirling whirlwind of dust which is actually ice..it's exactly like living under a large ice kachang machine that is very very far away, but a powerful fan blowing beneath it unto you..ha..

Not exactly the most romantic description for it, cos i had one of the lest romantic company with me..hah..like Jingfa lo..imagine 2 guys walking in the snow..haha..that's us man..and here he was saying it's fun for the first few seconds, then it started to get into his ears and irritated him..haha..for me cos i wasn't wearing my glasses it was getting into my eye and blowing into my face..hah..not exactly what i tot i would feel when i first saw snow in my life too..

Yea..but that was the initial downpour of snow..like a small snowstorm..it cleared up pretty fast..but after my religion lecture [i dozed off again] it was clear, for a while, then it snowed very very lightly..like you only notices bits of snowflakes floating down in your face, or else you wouldn't notice it at all! ha..then i was like a child staining my eyes out to look for them! hah..

Right now it still feels alright..but sometimes would feel a bit lonely when i look at the snow..ha..like it's a moment that i wanna share with some1 special..but here i am alone..and there's no one that special i can share it with as of now anyway..haiz..*gloomz* but when you see flakes of snow floating down [minus the wind effect of cos..otherwise you get a blizzard and irritation of having it blown into your face] you really feel a kinda lovey dovey feeling that you can only express when you are in the right company..ha..

Yea manz..first sighting of snow..but like Jingfa mentioned, there'll be no lack of that in Michigan..so dun worry, i will definitely get photos of snow to you guys..but meanwhile, i try to get photos of autumn/fall to you all..that is if i actually get my camera out, and actually use it, and actually get good photos..hah..chances are slim..but pray hard and you just MAY get it! haha.. yea..now back to study..haiz..take care guyz!

-Endz- like a child seeing the wonders of the world

Found reasons to Love again

2006-10-10T12:00:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Corny as it may sound, on the 1st day of my second year in Christ, I may have just re-discovered my reason to love again.

And i mean it in two-fashions: both to love another individual, and to love Jesus again.

And now i will tell the tale of how i felt His love today, and i'll leave the reason i have found to love to another day..i'm just so excited and i simply have to unload this from within myself before i forget it..and i dare not dilute it with another account..So here goes.

Just this morning, i was thinking out to myself some stuff, like wondering out of nowhere, who exactly wrote the gospels, and as i read my required readings for my religion class, i came over that answer..Wow..it was the first indication that God was guiding my readings to my answers..but that was a trivial matter..what mattered more was that we discussed about Peter's denial of Jesus 3 times and how he would have felt when Jesus told him that he[Peter] would deny him 3 times..and later how we read that Jesus later gave him a chance to 'redeem' himself by acknowledging that he loves Jesus 3 times at the closure of the gospel.

But generally, most people know Peter to be a unreliable person, who denied Jesus, who went back to his previous living of a fisherman once Jesus was gone from His life. He was the epitome of the saying 'without a vision, man will perish' as mentioned in the famous Proverbs.

How many of you know that the gospel of Mark, the first gospel ever written, was written by Peter's disciple? John Mark was Peter's disciple who followed him around as Peter went about Jesus's work in Rome. In fact, Peter did Jesus's work knowing fully the prophecy that Jesus left him with, that 'people will take him to where he does not want to be', that he would suffer persecution and eventually a difficult death if he should take up Jesus's cross and do his will on earth.

How many of you knew about Peter when he was fleeing the burning Rome, when he asked Jesus 'Wherest is thou gone, Lord?' and Jesus replied to him, 'if you should flee my people, i will return to Rome and die on the cross a second time'

And Peter, the same Peter who denied Jesus 3 times, who went back to his fishermanship after Jesus's crucifixion, who was fore-warned of a difficult death of being brought to where he does not want to go, returned to Rome to his people [the christians] and was eventualy crucified upside down, in place of Jesus; His love for Jesus demanded that of him that he cannot let Jesus go on the cross again if He could prevent it. [Remember in the gopels that Peter told Jesus that if it was in his power, it would not come to pass; it was out of love for Jesus that prompted Peter to say that! not Satan!] and Peter went to the cross willingly for the love of Jesus.

And today at lecture we were shown 3 silent films on early portrayal of Jesus in 'popular' silent films. Of especial note is the 'king of kings', in which the film showed scenes of which people crowded Jesus seeking healing. Of which there was a blind young girl who was seeking and asking everyone whom she touched 'Please sir, please take me to Him..I cannot find Him!' and the film went on to show how she approached everyone and how everyone could not help her. Then she chanced on a boy who was healed of his lame leg, and he proclaimed, 'take my hand, i will guide you to Him..'

How many of us have already received healing from Him in one way or another? but how many of us then decides to keep that miracle to ourselves, thinking that it is enough if we have our own righteousness and keep His faith in us, that it is enough for God that we continue to believe in Him even if we do not tell others about Him?

While it is true that God loves us and accepts us even if we do keep silent, but how much more is our lives worth if we use it to glorify his name, and guide others to him as this boy did to the blind girl? Taken into context, there are many people seeking a higher power in life, and i was one of them, and all it took for me is some1 who knew me and was willing to share what she knew about Jesus. That was all it took..is it that difficult for you, who have received His love and grace so freely to do?

So dear friends, if you have the chance and opportunity to do so, do not fear to proclaim His greatness and be a witness to His glory. I'm not asking of you to create opportunities to do so, just that you look out and see how the Holy Spirit is working in people and how the opportunities manifest itself before you; when you see that God has placed you in such a position to reach out, don't HOLD BACK!

And throughout the film i was busy holding back my tears man..i tell you, i never cried like that in any romance flicks. Testament to what i hold dear within me right now..I've found in this day, the reason i have to love Jesus again after 1 year of know Him. How about you?

-End

Depressing day..but not without it's share of ups

2006-10-09T21:40:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

I'm afraid this is gonna another word diahorrea entry..a bit gloomy, but i realise when i took stock, that there are more things to be cheerful about today rather than what i have to be depressed about..ha..yepp..but it's gonna be a bit gloomy now..paisei..ha..

Yepp first off, i must say today is my 21st birthday! hah..yeah manz..finally can drink alcohol legally again [in USA] but since i'm not an alcoholic so that doesn't impact me too much..and as i always say, i place so very little importance on my own birthday so i dun really care either way, but sometimes when i see other people have their birthday celebrated well, i kinda wonder what mine would be like..silly comparison ya..ha..

Anyway, to start off, i was reminded of my own birthday by princess Xiao Yan, who called me at 1230 AM in the middle of the night..when i was trying to sleep early from a hard day of mugging on sunday..yea..and i was sick with cough and flu and desperately needed rest..slept for 1 hour+ then was pleasantly awoken by Xiaoyan's call, wishing me a happy 21st birthday..then subsequently i got a missed call from Jean and 2 messages from Lynn and Jean..got a pretty nice wish and prayer from Lynn but Jean's was like 'haha..happy birthday'..hmmm..kinda half hearted now that i think about it, but a birthday wish is a birthday wish, and i ain't complaining about it..ha..wondered what she woulda told me if i did pick up the phone..ha..*wonders*

Anyway, when the day started, i tot i was on a good start, but then the runny nose and cough took over and i started being gloomy and tired throughout the day..was doing last minute mugging for the math through my lectures, and cun concentrate when the lecturer was going through review for the midterm through the math and Mech Engin lectures. Simply phase out for the whole day..tot i could conserve energy through till the test itself then i will pick up and heighten my senses..not true manz..

When it was time for the paper, i rushed down from north campus to central, with only half hour to spare, and no time to grab dinner..was hungry, gastric working a bit, but mainly tired from my flu and cough..so was retching and coughing and runny nosing..haiz..

The paper went on well enough, finished the first round in half an hour, but when i went over again, i realise there was like stupid mistakes in everyone of the questions..took a while to 'debug' each question..until i am fairly confident in all my answers except one stupid question where i keep getting an undefined answer [1/0] which doesn't make sense..i tried to make sense of it as far as i could, then i turned it in just like 15mins before time cos i was getting tired and sick of staring at the same question which i re-did 4-5 times.

Then when i got out and compared answer with everyone else, i realised that i copied the question wrongly..and i didn't compare my written question to the question itself..there goes the whole question..sigh..very pissed with myself..that's like 1/12 question that is totally wrong..and everyone else [singaporean bunch] seems to be doing better than me..and since this class is a curved graph class, i feel very down..like dragging even to now..

But now that i think about it again, i realise that i'm really thanking God that these bunch of 'careful' singaporeans are not in my lecture group, so i'm not really comparing to them, and hopefully the rest of my class did not fare that well, and the paper IS tough, so i guess 1 / 12 isn't all that bad..and 1/12 is like 8 pts of 100, and i dun think that question is weighed that much either so hopefully it ain't gonna impact too much..yeah manz..trying damn hard to look on the bright side now..

Anyway, apart from tt, i got another message from Christine wishing me birthday again, then i read several emails from my dear E240 members wishing me a good day, and see one from Daph..ha..realise that is kinda rare cos she don't have easy access to internet? haha..was qt heartwarming to know that so many ppl actually remembered..

The highest pt of this day was when Junlin actually called me from Denmark! ha..especially when i almost tot i lost touch with this old friend again..ha..cos i dun have her addy, and she doesn't have mine. i dun have her MSN, and she din reply my email [long time before] and i remember our letter writing ended pretty badly cos i had the impression that she din want to continue writing to me so i din reply..hah..Jun, if you are reading, i know now that what i tot is wrong..forgive me okay? i will continue to write to you and everything now..ha..thanks so much for calling me today ya? it is really my highlight of the day, and frankly, without that, i tink i cannot pull myself out of this gloom..really feel damn depressed if not for your call! You are truly a great friend, you dun even know how much that meant to me..ha

AND when i came back, i saw a nice note on my table from my small group leader here which went
" HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY! Also, read Acts 17:26-28. This is you! Praise God for saving you 1 year ago today! Jesus Rocks! - Kevin"
I mean, my small group leader came straight to my room and placed that note and gift [a sneakers bar] on my table! wow..ha..manz, that is a hallmark of a great man, who is willing to accept a new friends like me, and do stuffs like that for me which is extremely out of his way..well, this is the guy/mentor i look up to right now, and i guess it's qt uplifting to receive this grace from him..

And from the message that kevin left on my desk, this is officially the day i turn 1 year old in CHRIST! ha..dunno how many of you actually know that or remember that..but it is true, i am a one year old baby now, and i'm proud of where i am now..really want to take the opportunity to thank God for bringing me from where i was, to where i am now.. really have been blessed in many ways, and even now i am living out a dream that God gave me so long ago even before i knew Him. Even for the small favours of increasing my influence on people around me, and having so many people aware of my existence and my birthday..ha..really so much much more than before i knew Him..ha..thank you God for remembering my birthday too..and for your saving grace that touched me last year..Pray that you will never forsake me, and that i will never feel forsaken, but forever be comforted by your consistent, incomprehensible, unconditional love that is agape..Blessed be your name!

And so i conclude my evaluation of this day, with a quote from what Happiness IS by Dr A.R Bernard "Happiness is a CHOICE" so right now, i have all the reasons before me, and i CHOOSE to be happy! ha..yeah man, it's my 21st birthday so there..ha..so what if i din get a perfect paper for math? so what if it's a stupid mistake i can knock my head against the wall for? so what if i'm sick enough that i probably will miss the wall when i try to do that? haha..yeah man..today is my day, even if it's almost ending..yeah..

-Endz-

Thank God once again!

2006-10-05T17:07:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Wellps, i guess that title is gonna be a common title for most of my entries so i wun even go to say how unoriginal that its..ha..but is true..so much to give thanks for, so little time to do so..Like the saying goes: God gave you this day - 24 hours, 1440 minutes, 86400 seconds. Have you taken a second to thank Him for it?

Yepp..so i'm thanking God for giving me so many blog entries, and i'm gonna spend most of it thanking Him for it..haha..so sue me..i din use a gun and force you to hit my counter did i? ha..you get what you look for..and here is my entry..

First of all, i really wanna thank God for giving a relatively simple Eng101 midterm..ha..esp when i made so many stupid mistake i want to kill myself for [figuratively speaking of cos]in my previous projects. And a simple midterm will not hurt anyone cos this is not a curved scale class! ha..so if everyone get good pts then everyone gets good grades! not like the sucky A-level curved system where people fight tooth and nail for every single pts..ha..yepp..so till now, i've detected no errors in my paper, so i assume that it'll be a perfect paper..ha..unless i filled in the name wrongly..haha..yepp..so 1 down, 3 more to go..

And on top of that, just when i was getting complacent with where i was, God showed me how inadequate i was..with enough lead time before midterms so i can rectify the problem! ha..like for a while i was telling you guys that i was handling well, but i forgot that time moves on and by the time i realised it, i was lagging in a couple of stuff..ha..so bottom line is to never rest on your laurels..always some reading to do, so more work to handle, and blah blah yadayada..yepp..so right now i really should be studying, making notes and doing more practice on my mech-engine and math problems..ha..then i can really relax for my fall break..

Which is another thing that is bothering me..For a while i was qt settled on the idea of going Chicago for the fall break, but when we were trying to settle the adminstrative issues like settling transport and housing, i realised that we were spending much much for so little little..ha..maybe it's just me, but i find that if i spend so much i'd rather be spending much money when i'm there, not just to get there..so there..besides, i've really overstretched myself when i bought a couple of stuffs, so i really should cut down on expenses..Besides, i'll get to have ShaoNing teach me driving so hopefully i can get my license before winter comes, then top that off with a start with my car fund savings! ha..and besides, there's always winter break where we'd be forced to move out of our hostel so it'll be better to plan a trip there instead..[of cos, winter colder, less interesting to travel..haiz..but we'll see..maybe next year..1st year spend too much le..]

Yepp..and top that off with a NEW FRIEND I'VE MADE THROUGH THIS BLOG! haha..kinda a sabo which i dun understand, but somehow this fren kena and then kena MSNing me for 2 hours after..ha..total we clocked 4 hours MSNing le, and i really only know her for 3 days and we're already penpals..ha..not started yet..but i hope she started writing le? haha..yepps..so i'd like to give thanks for this friend that i've made in Singapore, even though i'm no longer in Singapore! haha.. so farny..and to you guys who are still lost as to who this is, she's JOANNA[MeiSi..haha..i'm so gonna call you that lo..] ha..E240..remember when Jaz always make mistake calling Joanne 'Joanna'? haha..i've found a Joanna le..haha..so funny..

Yepp..so far 'uncle' me have been 'uncle' to many many ppl le..ha..banking on my jokes rather than my 'uncle'y wisdom..haha..yepp..so here is Uncle saying Thanks to God, and signing off here on a rather nice day! Take care Yawl!

-Endz- old already..haiz..21 soon..

Sliding (Part II)

2006-10-01T17:53:00.000-04:00

Dear all..here is part II..hope you guys aren't bored already, and pls read in order..i will try to frame it to be in sequence..dun blame me if it doesn't come out well..ha..

Sliding Part II

John 6:22-43
In this passage, we see Jesus who have just walked on water, and have feed thousands with the miracle. In this time, there are multitudes of people who came to Jesus seeking Him, but Jesus rebuked them, stating that they seeked Him not because He was the messiah, but that He fed them once, and they were looking to him for food.

Can you imagine, if you traveled back in time to see Jesus, what would you ask Him for? Healing? Success? to forgive your sins? but over here the people asked Jesus for bread. They were convinced that they knew what they needed, which they thought was bread to eat.

1st seed to spiritual slide - unmet expectations/prayers
And sometimes in our lives when we pray to Jesus, we come up with selfish requests that if you confess to someone else, they would think it's rather trivial..Students would pray really hard for success in examinations and tests, adults pray for bonuses to come their way, some even pray for a win for the team they support in sports. But all in all, when God doesn't come through with it, we become disillusioned and bitter and upset. How many of us have never been through that? and having been through that, how many more of us have ever made a subsequent request and truly believed that God will come through with it? When you have been let down before, chances are you will begin to doubt, and the next time you pray you will find it obstructing your faith.

2nd seed to Spiritual Slide - unaccepted teachings
Know this: Jesus could have easily satisfied the multitudes by performing another miracle and give them bread to eat. Instead, Jesus boldly wanted to teach them about Himself and His messianic nature, for which the miracle was meant to convey. He taught them that He was the bread of life. But once the people realised that they weren't going to be fed, their response quickly jumped and they rejected their original faith. They thought that perhaps this man was not capable of giving them what they wanted, and then they started rejecting everything he was trying to teach.

Remember that in obediance and faith, there are no such thing as halfway marks. you cannot say that you believe 75% of something..it's either yes or no. You could pretend that you believe, but in the long run you will tire and it will all boil down to a yes or no answer.

In this case, when the people rejected Jesus teaching [because of the unmet expectation], the seed took root and they started to undermine his authority.

"Isn't this Jesus, the son of Joseph? We knoe his father and mother. How can he say 'i came down from heaven'"

You cannot continue to believe in Christ if there are a certain doctrine practiced that you do not believe in. For example, there's no point gg on if you do not believe in the power of prayer, or communion with God, or that you do not believe in the Holy Spirit. You simply cannot go on ignoring that.

3rd seed to Spiritual Slide - unresolved doubts and questions

John 6:52 "How can this man give us his flesh to eat?"

It was a LEGITIMATE question! If Jesus was in front of you today and say that He is the bread of life, and that anyone who eats this bread will live forever, you would be wondering the same thing. Don't think of the usual church communion sunday, but think of a breathing man in front of you.

And one thing about our christian walk is that it is filled with loads of questions, some of which is not easy to answer and understand. But the key is that unresolved questions and doubts will sow a seed through which Satan will gain a foothold. Do not believe for a moment that questions and doubts reflect spiritual immaturity and disbelief! It does not reflect shakeness in faith, but in fact it tells of the exact opposite! If you are questioning about certain belief, it proves that there is a hunger for knowledge, and a hunger to know God more intimately and have a better understanding of who He is! Only with faith can there be doubt; without faith there is no doubt, but there is also nothing..

Better to resolve your doubts, clear your disbelief so that when you come before God in prayer or worship, it will not hinder your entrance to the Holy of Holies.

John 6:66-69
Because of these unresolved doubts, these multitudes of men and women couldn't believe in Jesus and his Messianic message, but the 12 disciples believed Him, despite all the 3 'trials' .
When you become a unreluctant bearer of these seeds, pls, i pray that you will lift it straight to God, for only through His strength can you overcome this test. Ask Him to help you clear your doubts and disbelief, Ask Him to help you accept His teachings, and above all, tell Him of your bitterness and disillussionment/disappointment.
"To Whom will we go to? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe and we know you are the Holy One of God."

The disciples are right to stick to the fact that He was the Messiah and used that to justify the 'disbelief' they had. Understanding that He was the Messiah makes other teachings and doctrines easier to accept. Do it the otherway around and you will begin to doubt the core of your belief.

Remember that one of the core beliefs of being a Christian as apart from the Jew and the Muslim is that we believe that Jesus was the Messiah, and He is the embodiment/manifestation of God's mind into our world. What tells us apart from Gnostics is that we believe that Jesus went to the cross not merely to give His disciples a model of sacrifice and matyrdom, but to die for our sins and redeem once and for all, all our sins. Always fall back to the basic core beliefs that the Bible is God's word and that other sources can be read but with care, and always always remember the way you came into Christ. For that is your justification and your reason for being, and nothing you learn along the way should ever interfere with THAT initial communion you had with Christ when you were born again.

Here I want to pray for anyone who accepts this prayer, that you will always remember the manner in which you came into Christ, the many reasons you may have had, what He did for you, what God spoke to you. In times of doubt and disbelief, or when you have unmet expectation, always remember who God is to you, and try to understand God from His point of view. Never let any circumstance/event shade or colour your perception of God. And always fall back to the core of your belief. [And pls at least find out what that is before you call yourself a christian..It will help you in the future if you ever meet with confusion.] And above all, i pray that you will be able to remember to turn to God whenever these situations happen to you, and not let the situation turn you away from God. Stay strong, pray loads, and seek to have a fresh revelation from Him EVERYDAY! [if not frequently..ha..] yepp..

-Endz- [dear all..thanks for reading so far..hah..congratulations for reading all the way! thumbs up!]

Sliding (part I)

2006-10-01T17:15:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

I am about to share with you a 2 part sermon from New-Life Church. Ha..in part to refresh my memory and cast into record the lesson learnt, and also in part to share with E240 what i'm learning over here, and reassure you guys that God is moving here and teaching me new things as well.

Sliding (Part I)

It is a difficult topic, often painful to talk about especially in churches where everyone is assumed to stay strong and lasting in Christ. But the first step to stemming the phenomenon i will describe later is to confess that there is a problem in the first place. The sermon serves to force us to take a reality check on the situation of people losing faith in God.

Statistically, 61% of the young adults in America used to be christians before. Only 20% of them are still christians since their youth, the rest of them used to be christians in their youth, but later their passion and fire died down and they slided back.

A popular example in the bible is the character Judas Iscariot the one who betrayed Jesus.

"Then Judas Iscariot, one of the 12 disciples went to the leading priests to arrange to betray Jesus to them. They were delighted when they heard why he had come, and they promised to give him money. So he began looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus" - Mark 14:10-11

The key issue is that Judas was one of the 12; in other words, he was a direct disciple of Jesus. Even one of the 12 could harbour such thoughts and in fact INITIATED the betrayal is simply shocking. Jesus was not turned in by the Pharisees to the Jewish community and Romans, but was betrayed by his disciple. And no one co-erced Judas to betray him; he initiated the betrayal. But to understand the betrayal, we must look at the events before the betrayal

"Meanwhile, Jesus was in Bethany at the home of Simon, a man who had previously had leprosy. While he was eating, a woman came in with a beautiful alabaster jar of expensive perfume made from essence of nard. She broke open the jar and poured the perfume over his head. Some of those at the table were indignant. 'why waste suc expensive perfume? it could have been sold for a year's wages and the money given to the poor!' But Jesus replied, 'leave her alone. Why cirticize her for doing such a good thing to me?' " Mark 14:3-6

And in John 12:4-5, the disciple who berated the women and made comparison to the wages was named as Judas Iscariot. The path to falling away begins with DISILLUSIONMENT in God's purpose. Judas was disillusioned to Jesus's purpose and he saw only the waste of resources that was made, and that Jesus saw the waste of resources as a good thing to do for His sake.

2 ways to disillusionment
-UNANSWERED PRAYER
"why does my suffering continue? why is my wound so incurable? Your help seems as uncertain as a seasonal brook, like a spring that has gone dry" - Jeremiah 15:18
- TRIALS IN LIFE
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because i have overcomed the world" John 16:33
"Your unfailing love is beter than life itself; how I praise you! I wil praise you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer. You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise you with songs of joy." Psalms 63:3-5, regarding a time when David was in the wilderness of Judah fleeing for his life.

Therefore we must understand that there are times when prayers will be unanswered, and trials will happen to our lives. but let us go back to Jesus's lesson regarding the anointing at Bethany

"You will always have the poor among you, and you can help them whenever you want to. But you will not always have me. She has done what she could and has anointed my body for burial ahead of time. I tell you the truth, where the good news is preached throughout the world, this woman's deed will be remembered and discussed." Mark 14:7-9

Jesus was teaching them to recognise that He was the Messiah, and was giving them a prophetic word of what is to come. But Judas, blinded by his disillusionment, missed the big picture of Jesus's teaching. He instead, focused on the waste of resources, hidden behind the moralistic mask of caring for the poor. But Judas's real motive is revealed in John 14:6

"Not that he cared for the poor - he was a thief, and since he was incharge of the disciples' money, he often stole some for himself"

Judas had a secret sin; both his disillusionment and sin led him to betray Jesus to satisfy that greed. He was feeling a lost from the money that could have gone his way, and instead used that to justify the betrayal for that trivial amount of money that the Pharisees gave him.

So what is that sin that you could be forced to trade your faith for? Many people fall away from Christ simply because they were harbouring that secret sin, and that events manifested in such a way that you become faced with a question of choosing between that sin and Jesus. Which will be your decision when the time comes? I pray for those believers amongst the readers today that you will confess your sins to God right now, and bring it to light and eradicate that sin. Find some1 you are accountable to and seek that person's help in overcoming the world. Fight that sin before situations change and you are forced to choose before you are ready to make that choice. Learn humilty, to admit that you are human and fallible and have sins to account for. Learn shame to know that it is wrong to persist in the sin, and most of all, learn His love, and understand that He is the one who forgives all sin with grace, and not by deed. You do not need to prove yourself to God; He knows well enough who you are and the condition of your heart. Come to Him with brokeness and He will restore you according to the covenant that He has given to us. Keep your sin from becoming a greater sin.

-continued by part II

Accepting Grace

2006-09-27T18:02:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

I started this day really well, woke up on time, had my usual Nora Roberts book [hidden riches] and was enjoying a sumptious breakfast at Markley cafeteria alone [chocolate pancakes, potato bits, scrambled eggs, orange juice..yumm..]

And i met my friend Nick who's is also with me in the New Life Church small group that gathers on thursdays. Now, last thursday we received a 'challenge' or 'homework', to give a complete stranger 1USD. The catch was that the person had to be a complete stranger, and we were supposed to do that, and then remember/journal down his/her reaction, and then give a report on it on thursday..

Okay..so what was that about? hah..i had no idea..but when the two of us sat down together, i brought up the topic and we were going "are yoOU gonna do it now?" ..then we came to a conclusion that now's as good a time as any, and if we din do it, we'd end up not doing it and tomorrow's thursday. So we plucked up our feathers and spotted our targets..ha..

Anyway, my target was a nice pretty blonde who just sat down with breakfast alone. [my focus was on the point that she was having breakfast alone, and that she JUST came for breakfast..not that she was a pretty blonde] and i went up to her, said hi, good morning..introduced myself, and went straight to the point..i left a dollar bill on her textbook and said, "i would like you to have this."

Her immediate reaction was "why?" and gave me a persplexed look.

"I just want you to have it" i replied, remembering what Kevin [the small group leader] told us.

She went like a very tough deliberation that lasted 10 seconds, wondering if i had ulterior motives, then she concluded that i couldn't have any, and said a simple "thank you."

And i seriously cannot remember what i said then, but i remembered going back to my table, feeling awesome and cool and everything..ha..and i din nontice if she was staring at me after that cos my back was to her, but Nick's guy was staring his way for a while..hah..it was great, but i still did not understand the whole point to it, except maybe to start some kinda blessing thing going around [what goes round comes around..]

It isn't until a short while ago that i got my answer..I saw a pink slip in my mailbox, meaning to say i had a big package to pick-up at the front desk. I checked it, half hoping that it was my mom, cos i really need my contact lenses right now, but no..it was from Christine..and for what reason i had no idea, cos i had just received a mail package from her, and i wondered why she had to send mail in such quick succession.

Found out in my room that it was my 21st birthday package, complete with 21 various stuff to occupy my time with, keep me partially warm, and accessorise myself..not gonna tell you wad exactly was in there, but that pretty much summarised it.

The main point is that while i was rifling through the stuff, the thoughts that were going through my head was that why had she gone to the expense to do all these stuff? [why all romance serials? ok..ok..i get it..i love romance serials anyway..ha..gd of you to remember that] but the point is i was quickly and negatively 'rejecting' the gift..like wondering what wierd thing was going through her mind, and what she was thinking, what kind of reaction she was trying to get me to give..then i went to the toilet..

I tell you, God always talks to me in the toilet. ha..anyway, it dawned upon me that it's all part of the bigger lesson that God wanted me to learn. "To accept Grace"

Just like i was wondering this morning when i prepared to give that 1USD. How would the person take it? would it be a 'what the hell are you trying to say? that i'm hard up for a dollar?' or some other kind of nasty rejection that would humiliate me. and the truth is that there is some kinda rejection displayed on her face when i gave that dollar bill..things went through her mind about what i was trying to do, what other motives i could possibly have, when all i had was to give her the dollar.

Similarly, here dear Christine was just trying her best to give me a good 21st birthday present and here i am wondering the same things, rejecting her gift with bad thoughts and resentments. [i confess it all..guilty as charged].

How many times have God given us grace in so many ways, and all we did was to reject it, cos we deemed ourselves undeserving of it? I tell you, if some1 on the streets was giving 1million dollars to strangers, most people would not take it cos they would wonder if there was a catch to it, or that it was too good to be true. But sometimes it isn't; God, in his infinite grace, has offered us a gift that is so precious that nothing in the world can equal it; His fellowship and love. And several fringe blessings that comes along the way. And He gives it to us freely; not by our deeds or worth, but by His grace. Isn't that what we learnt when we first received our salvation?

And i tell you, dear readers, that God is ready/willing to bless you today with whatever that you need. All you have to do it to thank Him for it, have faith and receive that gift! Learn to accept grace, learn to have faith in Him who always loves you and means well, and believe in His strength. Accepting grace is a difficult thing to do, in this world where everything is valued by worth and effort; people cannot believe in free lunches. But we must all learn that it is always more blessed to give than to receive, but in receiving you are allowing the giver to give! if you reject every attempt at blessing you, you are in fact denying that generous soul from reaping his reward!! so i hope that everyone reading this can start now to develop an attitude of accepting grace when it is offered, and say 'thank you' to it.

-Endz- sermon 1 on accepting grace..haha..lousy sermon with no bible reference..sorrie lorr..it's really off the hook i came up with this..hee..hope you enjoy this entry..

Reintroducing myself

2006-09-27T00:13:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Ha..i realise that with more new subscribers i'd better re-iterate the purpose of this blog..as well as to re-initialise or re-pledge myself to the original purpose of this blog.

If i still remember it correctly, this blog is meant to act as my online diary (Duhh..) ha..but it's a diary in which i dedicate the entries to God, giving thanks for all the grace that He has given me, the revelations he has given, the love that he shower upon me through people around me, as well as the events that transpire in my life. The sole purpose of this blog is to give thanks to Him for all the great things that he has put in my life, as well as to entrust unto him any disappointment that i have encountered [even if the disappointments are due to Him..oops..]

Yepp..with that out of the way, perhaps i will be able to blog with more heart and purpose right now..

First of all, i do not recall that i have thanked God for all the blessings that i received when i arrived here..so here goes..i really wanna thank God for so many blessings that He have given me.

Internally, this shift in location signifies a new start for myself; i confess that i do have hidden sins that i am not privy to reveal..haha..so there..but this is a fresh start that i am thankful for, especially when God has been so graceful, forgiving me 77 x 7 times when i was unfaithful with His will. so over here i hoped to find a new start where i can wipe clean the slate i have and start over, and bask in His love and forget the old sins. And i really wanna thank God for empowering me through my interaction with people around, through the presence of Godly people around me especially, and of course for His promise that He would still be with me even if i left my spiritual powerbase [E240]. He has fulfilled his end of the deal so far, so right now i really wanna pray for that i will be able to stay strong and keep my end of the deal..lest i lapse into darkness again..haha..[fall to the darkside..hee..playing KOTOR now..ha..gamers joke]

Speaking of which, i really wanna thank God for the people He has placed me in, or people he has placed with me..either way..Just when i felt that i was having a shrinking circle of close friends in Singapore, even more so when i had to leave the group of friends i've grown closer to [once again, E240], God has given me another bunch of companions to be crazy with, crazy mugging with, crazy having fun with, crazy eating with, crazy laughing with..i have never really been popular with people, only merely accepted wherever i was, but not well-liked ..here i believe i am accepted as well..ahha..but i really wanna thank God for this bunch of bananas i hang around! [haha.banana grow in bunches wad..haha.] NUAH BANANAs !! haha..

Yupp..on top of that, i believe that God has not placed me in this group of people by chance. That i was worried about the lack of christian fellowship when i came over here is no secret; and He had to emplace me with a group of 3 girls who are all christians..ha..and that God opened up several churches over here for me to CHOOSE FROM ! haha spoiled for choice..then God introduced me to great people like Michelle [cell leader for H20 small group] and Kevin [cell leader for NewLife small group]. People of God who are realy committed to doing his work in the campus ministry. totally awesome God we serve. and He has even given me chance to share my views and thoughts and revelations to people! ha..so i really feel challenged over here, no problems there..Only one more thing i'm believing God for, and that's for a quiet time slot amidst the crazy time schedule i have that is bound to change in the next half hour..ha..yepp..that's the only problem i have right now..

Haha..i'm really a prooouud member of the Nuah Bananaz haha..ha..shall not divulge who we are..but i tink we're pretty obvious le..hee..

meanwhile, i'm really having a blast here..ha..minor setbacks like broken specs frame, aching back, and lousy Project1 & Project0 grades ain't fazing me, cos i'm living off the book that Dr. A R Bernard wrote..ha..dun let things in life get you down..you have the choice whether it affects your demeanor or not..as long as i believe in God and His purpose and will i will be fine..ha..staying strong here..

And of course i wanna thank God for Christine and YeHui, and Daphne and Joanne and Hanzhong..for keeping me in your minds, that i still occupy a bit of space in the back of your minds so i will be able to be remembered when i return to Singapore..haha..yepp..thanx for keeping me still plugged into E240! ha..grow strong together and SHINE! take care yawl!

-Endz- Thank God constantly and give Him praise!

Finally..my laptop..

2006-09-16T23:54:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

I know it's been so long since..but i had to stop..or else i woulda bored you all to tears with only words..haha..anyway, since this is back dated, let me indulge myself in re-describing what i remember of my first day in Michigan..

hAHA..And i realise i have mentioned that before..haha..but i juz could not resist being 'tourist' and taking photos on the way..haha..then wenjie was bringing me around the place cos he came here a few days earlier..then i tried to take a photo of myself and the tower [can't remember who it's named after] and managed to catch Wenjie unwittingly in the background..heehee..yepp..tourist indeed..

The next shot was taken when we went to Meijers, which is a very very large super market that boast of the best prices for almost everything..haha..yess..super cheap compared to everywhere else..haa..which means only here the stuff are reasonable priced..except for some things like the photo pictures are ex..which i bought..sigh.and i bought my comforter [blanket] and bed sheets and necessities [which included 2 large pillows, 1 main pillow, and a fan..ha..haven't been back since..ha..anyway, back to the shot, it's taken at the super large carpark that is outside the super large super market and i just happened to see this beautiful sunset and i tried to capture it..

Basically you can see my lousy photog. skills, and the nice sunset glow, the fact that street lights everywhere in the world destroy the picture, and a candid shot of a dear friend of the clique of girls i happen to be in now..haha..so this is Xiao Yan talking to some1 i cannot immediately imagine..ha...yepp..that was the first day i met Xiao Yan and Lora..haha..didn't even talk much..i just knew that she stayed in my hall, and Lora stayed near our hall..then we decided to share cab back..haha..after the shopping actually they were trying to catch bus back..budden i bought too many stuff le..and i cannot imagine them fitting in the bus with their stuffs too..so i convinced them to take the cab..haha..so that's the beginning of this great friendship/fellowship/muggership..haha..yepp..so this is xiao yan who commented on my blog one week ago..[gosh..so long since i updated? paisei..]

yepp..the third photo is something i'm proud of..haha..not that i made it..but STARBUCKS COFFEE!!!! haha..and you know the sizes of the coffee in singapore goes up to Grande, here they go up to Venti! haha..coffee galore for me! and it's cheaper than in Singapore! haha..value for money i mean..haha..yepp..and this was a venti vanilla latte i bought from the first starbucks store i found here..hee..and i drank it within an hour..haha..RAAWWRRSS..GGREEEEAAATT..In case i haven't already mentioned in my blog, i've become some sort of a coffee addict here already..like i go through the day with very low energy level if i dun have my morning coffee..haha..and last night i drank decaf at night and i really nearly KOed..haha..coffee addicted me..

The next shot is of the law quad hall..sigh..so sad it ain't my hall..it's very beautiful!!! I promise the next time i blog again i will feature the law library..which is very HARRY POTTER! which is very cool..haha..they even have the garden where Harry potter fought with the tree with the dangling limbs..haha..yepp..very very nice..funny..esp when Christine was asking me about the housings here whether they look like harry potter buildings or not..well, the answer is that most of the buildings here are newer looking, some modern buildings, but some retain their history and look..like this one..haha..will show more next time..

and the last pic is of my table..haha..wanted to show my bed, but next time la..can only have 5 pictures per entry..hee..anyway, this is my table, E240 can see your picture there on my table? haha..tink about you guys sometimes man..and daph's poster..and can even see the cookie jar of cookies that Christine made for me [the cookie jar that had me stopped at the customs twice..but the cookies are great..haha..i tink you improved a lot since the last time you made these stuffs..hah..very good..hee..i'm still keeping one in my jar so i remember what was inside..haa..like a 'sacred cookie' lidat..ho ho..

Yepp..that's it for the photo updates so far..hopefully i will be able to get candid shots of the girls i hang around so you ppl can drool and envy me..haha..kidding la..actually i jealous lei..i hang around them so much i never got a nice photo with them, but some other guys already had a photo with the whole bunch of them lo..haha..lol..kidding kidding..yepp..now that i have my laptop i will strive to become more camera-trigger-happy..so watch out! world!

-Endz- Haha..kinda pointless entry but hope you guys enjoy the update!

God i need strength

2006-09-10T14:09:00.000-04:00

Hi guys!

Gosh..it's been awhile since i updated this..well, for starters, my laptop ain't coming anytime soon cos of some credit card problems, so i'll probably still not be on MSN unless i just so happen to be on my friend's computer.

I guess that things are starting to cool off a bit..hah..not having as much fun sessions as i have mugging sessions, and later today i'm gonna be a hermit for a while and 'pia' my homeworks, then go on to practice more math problems..i figure if i get back to the feel of doing math problems i should have an easier time with both my math and Mech-engine classes..not to mention in the future when i take more technical courses..

Just had another session at H20 campus ministry, and the pastor is talking about communities in China! haha..felt really wierd cos he was commenting that the meals people have in China is very community based and close knitted and he was saying that's how the church should be too..He was touching on a bit of the hippie culture that America went through, and how while the church rejected them, God didn't and in fact the Spirit of God moved so strongly through them that hundreds and thousands of them came to Christ and made a difference! yup..definitely so many things that we could learn..And i talked to the pastor Neno, who is a young thirty-ish man with a loving wife and several kids and he was talking to me how God has moved him to reach out to China, and that he firmly believes that China and asia is the next place that the Spirit of God is going to move. Which is totally in line with what Pastor Kong and everyone has been talking about..And Neno really share's his testimony on the pulpit..last week he shared about his family-love, now he shared his testimony of how he was back before he came to Christ and we can all see who he is after knowing Him. I guess this is a really great place for me to take root and grow so people, you can stop worrying about me now..hee..i'm glad i kept coming back to this campus ministry and find out how it was really like.

One thing that bothered me was that last night i had a 'fierce' discussion about how a christian life should be..i guess it was my fault and i probably misrepresented City Harvest Church a bit by painting us out to be perfectionist and high achievers which led to a misconception that we believe that people could only serve God's will by being successful in your selected field of profession..

Anyway, if you are reading in on this, i hope i can have a chance to elaborate on what i really meant.

God has a purpose for everyone of us. Given the fact that God is our creator and we are His handicraft, and the fact that God never creates without a purpose in mind, we can take for granted that God has a destiny and a purpose in mind for us all. And success in life [as a christian] is really all about how you measure according to the plan that He gave. If you truly believe and let God guide you through your life, you WILL be successful and you WILL be 10x more greater than the next person who isn't a believer. [spelt out in Daniel 1:20] but the thing is, the other point is that sometimes people undergo through difficulty in life too, like going through broken families, becoming a teenage delinquent, or going through a phase in life that's filled with drugs, partying, orgies..that is true. But if you go through it and stop believing that God will take you out of it, or that God has a purpose for you to go through that, you will be stuck there, and not be able to be a testimony for Him..

People go through tough times, but God intends to take us out of it too, so that we may encourage others who are going through the same. But the key is that you have to get through it! If God ever let anything bad happen to you, do not take it as a fact that God intends for it to stay that way! In Job, when God was 'tricked' to bring disaster to Job, God never intended for it to stay that way! He intended to test Job's faith and courage and trust in His strength! Job is supposed to continue to profess his faith in the Lord and salvation from Him! but imagine if he had stayed in that slump and never got out of it..He'd be just a poor bloke that happened to get on the wrong side of God's favor. Does this make sense?

And God is always faithful even when we are not...He never lets a temptation come by that we cannot handle, and nothing we meet in life we cannot handle..Cos He knows what will come and God has faith in us that we can overcome it [with His strength!] God has faith in US! so what's stopping us from having faith in God that whatever happens, God will turn it around in our favour? Take strength from this and dwell on it..and i'll always be happy to tell you how God wills for us to do well in this lifetime and be a testimony and influence other people to come to know Him better..Being a christian is not about being successful in life, or just about being pure of heart and righteous. It's about having a relationship with God, recognising that He has done great things in your life, and finding out in your own way how you can return that love [for He first loved us]

But i just wanna pray to God for strength now..Last night when i had this 'argument/discussion' i was afraid for a moment..cos i realise where my friend was coming from and i cannot readily identify with that..i try, but some part of me actually fear that some part of what she says may stay with me sub-consciously. and i shivered for the first time since coming to ann arbor and since i felt cold..like the protection of God has lifted from me and that i'm left on my own [or it's just that weather is turning for the colder] But i just wanna pray for strength from the Lord..I admit i have not been doing quiet time for a while, but i know for a fact that sometimes i grow closer to Him by seeing how He's working in this part of the world, learning more about His life and praying to Him short prayers when my mind is idle. But most of all, i need strength; i need conviction and confidence and i need the Holy Spirit to be with me when i need you, because right here sometimes i find that i need to give mini-sermons to share what City Harvest Church is doing in Singapore and Asia; our values and our belief of how Christian life should be..Even though i never profess that all christians should identify with us, but i seek that people understand us and agree that it's a good cause/goal..just as i believe that Catholics are doing a great thing keeping tradition and reaching out to the conservative groups in the world. I seek to be a man of peace, and i do not seek to create dissent or discord. So Holy Spirit, guide me and give me words in my mouth and mind that i may be able to guide people to a better understanding of who You are to me.

Amen.

-Endz-

Aftermath..of 3 straight lectures..

2006-09-06T17:50:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Firstly i would like to apologise for not updating this blog for so long..seems to me that i have gained web-hits for not doing any work, so i'd better be updating something or else i will lose subscribers! haha..no..kidding..

Originally i intended to update only after i got my laptop so that i could upload pictures too, but apparently my laptop decides to come in only on the sept 11th, so i'd better do something now..

ANYWAY, i'm still not under stress yet..ha..perhaps being away too long from studying actually did me some good in making me feel like i'm just absorbing information, and not really under stress to excel in studies..of course, i still have to maintain a 3.8 GPA which means i absolutely cannot get a B in any courses..ha..and i dun intend to do so this semester..ohwells..stress will come later..

But luckily enough i seem to have sufficient prior knowledge in most of my classes to be able to slide myself back into schooling again..so no worries there..and i have no idea why i am typing in perfect spoken english here..aargh...RAAWWWRSS<<>><<>>

Yess..this feels so much better..haha..anyway, people [singaporeans] are trying very hard with the accent here..think it's pretty funny that we really try to fit in so much and then we have americans so interested to know how to speak singlish..haha..yup, but i still speak singlish over here with my pals so no worries..i can switch easily..tink i developed a accent that both americans can understand but singaporeans would not be unfamiliar to..haha..lol

ANYWAY..i've just checked my assignments [homework] and i am truly shocked..to you guys back home who are trying to finish the new testament by the end of the year, i tell you that I have to finish the 4 gospels by next tuesday, along with some readings that i have to do on some other text that portrays Jesus..Ha..thank God i've already finished one round of the Bible, but imagine if i hadn't..and pretty soon i'll have to go on to the apocrypha which includes the book of Tobi and everything..then got other texts..and THIS IS ONLY RELIGION 280! aarrgh! haha..

But i guess i'm knowledge hungry so i should be fine..but the killer is in mechanical engineering lecture! the professor speaks with a funny pattern! it's not the accent but his mannerism and speech pattern! cannot understand what he is talking about! and the math! aargh..lucky i already know what he is talking about so i can figure out..but wait til he moves to something i haven't already learnt..ha..

And also, i'm having cell group meeting later on in my hall..ha..the leader is one year younger i tink..hah..but we'll see how it goes..i've found a comfortable 'assembly of God' church which is actually a campus outreach called H20 which i mentioned before..Prior to that, on sundays i think i will ALSO attend another methodist church[esp if my friends are going too] cos it's rather interesting and i kinda like the stuff they talk about - the preaching..ha..the last time i went the pastor was talking about the song of solomons..something we hardly mention back in City Harvest Church. It seems to be a rather sensual/romantic book in the bible and i had a lot of questions when i read through it..but according to the pastor, that book describes what God had in mind when He created mankind and a heart that seeks after companionship..it describes healthy love relationships that we could all learn from..

You guys all know me..always interested to know more about the bible and God's will and word..ha..never mind i have a heavy day on sunday of another round of lectures [haha..christianity 101] hee..but to E240, there is a very strong christian culture in ann arbor michigan as well as in the Singaporean community here..so really, God is with me here too, dun worry about me..just dun hang up my calls when i get back to singapore yah? i probably got a few friends i wanna bring to 'check out' out church too..hee..dun worry..city harvest church has a good representative in me..i'll be building our reputation amongst my friends here..i tink got several of them already commented that we are very forthcoming with our mission work and ministry..so great job, keep it up, and please do Sister Jaz a favour and try to organize some mission trips together [as in go together] yup..will definitely do you good too! ha..

Well, so far i'm still hanging out with a bunch of girls..haah..sounds so wrong..but i'm taking care of them so that they get back to their dorms safely [their all in the same estate area] and in return they take care of me and provide me breakfast in their dorm, and lend me their laptops when i need it..AND make sure i dun become a social hermit..haha..yup..even got dragged to a dance class with them..so ha..i'm really well taken care of..ha..symboitic relationship..it's a bunch of 4 girls and myself..[Jean, Lora, Xiao Yan and WenXin] all of them christian except WenXin but we talk about church stuff anyway..haha..and i'm initiating these kinda conversations cos i need inspirations to answer some people who asked me questions! haha..so i'm really in good company..dun ask me to switch to a more guyish community cos i probably operate better when i'm surrounded by girls in this sense..ha..and i wun be picking up drinking habits from them too right? haha..

Yup..guess that's pretty much for now..hope you guys are doing fine back there, and God bless you all!

-Endz- tired day..readings to do, assignments to rush..but still loving it! ha

Enrolled!

2006-08-29T12:47:00.000-04:00

Haha..Dear all,

I'm just so excited..haha..i've finally enrolled in my classes, and everything was as i planned it out to be..things i was prepared to compromise, things that i wanted it that way..it all added up to a preety nice schedule that will mean half days on tuesdays and thursdays, full days on mon, wed and fri with lots breaks between the lectures on those days..

Really wanna thank God for watching over me..i've walked through cold rains several times already and i'm still as fit as a bull..did another 40 min jog this morning after i woke up at 6 am [miracle] and managed to buy an umbrella before i REALLY catch a cold for walking in the rain too much..[God will help me if i got through it unwittingly but will not help me if i stupidly refuse to buy the umbrella that He chanced me to find..haha..lol]

Yepp..but mainly i wanna thank God for really answering my prayer and give me the classes that i wanted to take. Cos this morning i heard several bad news about the class i wanted being snapped up, in which case i would have to re-plan my whole schedule and do several humanities classes this semester instead [remember i'm an engineering student] which will screw up my degree and GPA and stuff like that. Yes..and when i finally got to apply, there were 2 batchs of 30ish international students who already enrolled, and lotsa people still trying, but i just logged in, enrolled the classes one by one and it ALL WENT THROUGH! it was as if God was holding the places for me to enroll..haha..really COOL and understanding God that we worship and serve! He always knows what we wants and never fails to give us what we NEED..haha..but not always what we want but anyways..heehee..

Yepp..going for lunch soon..ha..thank God!

-Endz- Praise God for He is good ALL the TIME!

Updates updates

2006-08-28T20:22:00.001-04:00

Haha..dear all,

wonder how many of you are actually bored with what i'm updating about myself now..aha..yepp..but this blog is actually keeping MY diary and of how God is helping me throughout my life so i would like to keep details here! haha..so be forewarned..

Yepp..just did a round of planning on the courses i'm taking, and my class schedules..wow..hha..kinda difficult cos most people have already enrolled in their classes, so it's just the freshies [more specifically the international freshies] fighting for the last few spaces in the courses that we want. Anyway, i have signed up for an interesting class which is the Religion 280 class, which is 'Jesus and the Gospel'..and next semester i'll probably take 'history of the Eastern christianity' and then i'll go on to Religion and politics..if i'm REALLy interested in the subject..haha..yeppp..like what i tot i would do if i got the chance..haha..think Daphne knows about this one..but whether i AM actually gonna take it is a question, cos it would clash with another class unless i leave like 10 mins earlier from this lecture to get to the next discussion..undercutting myself..sigh..but really wanna take this course..yeppp..so will be praying that i actually get what i want.

Yup..i've set up my bank account [FINALLY] and i'll take several working days to cash in the bank draft so i'll be living on that 3 $20 bills in my wallet..haha..yepp..gonna save as far as possible..

Yepp, and poor me is being too well fed here..Gosh..hall food is like a buffet style and their servings are super! i tink this is the 2nd time i'm mentioning this..but did i mention that they have free flow of PePSI? haha..great news to a pepsi fan..haha..lol..

Yup..i've found my guitar of choice! haha..prolly will get a good price for it online, but if i get it at the shop, it'll build a nice start to a relationship to who could be teaching me guitar! and start me off on Violin too! haha..and i found out that my dorms have a music room where i can probably do my quiet time, and re-learn my piano! haha..totally gonna be fun..so i'll probably not watch the TV or go online that much already..haha..yepp..you guys may just have a music genius here by the time i return! haha..Yeah man..Jazyln, i haven't forgotten about my dream and vision: to be able to play for the cell group when i get back! i'll probably be practicing playing for christ over here before i lose face in front of Hanzhong..haha..or maybe i take over? haha..or maybe i play violin in the cell group when i return..who knows? Only God knows and He have plans for me that i cannot fathom..Ha..yes...so guyz, mom, i'm really doing fine here..so dun worry at all yah?

And accent wise i realise that everyone's really trying hard to fit in..even myself..haha..i guess i'll always be halfway american accent and halfway singaporean when i return..haha..part of me don't wanna change that much, but i still gotta be understood well over here right? yepp..but i can always use singlish so dun worry people..i wun be all american in 1 year when i return..

Oh..one bad news is i may have to eventually do a summer school term..cos i figured i have to complete 128 credits for my degree, and i have 29 advance credits, so i'll need 16.5 credits a term to satisfy that requirement..unless i manage to do like 17 or 18 credits once in a while [18 is the max, 16 is normal for singaporeans..12 is the minimum to be a full-time student] it will spill over and i will have to do another term..so it's better i do a summer than another fall or winter term..right? haha..so it'll probably be a spring or summer half term [2 month thingey] haha..so if i dun come back next year april you know why..haha..yepp..

That's all the updates i have, i have not gotten my laptop yet, gonna take some time but still doing fine..to all who wanna make a more private enquiry to how i'm doing, pls feel free to mail me? although i will update the blog, i feel an email is a better way i can feel your love..haha..lol..yepp..but it's true..dun feel obligated to just because i say so tho..dun wan THAT kinda email..haha..yepp..Take care all! God Bless!

-Endz- Doing real fine here..gotten used to things here already..lotsa friends..chill

Where's my laptop!!!

2006-08-27T02:47:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Whew..haha..wells, i've just been to a service, a campus outreach church called H2O. Yepp, pretty small at this time, but that's because most of the students ain't here yet. And today was more of the leader's meeting than a service. Yepp, so much to find out about them before i make a decision.

But i like what they are doing. They are mostly leaders [cell group leaders] and they were running through like the things they intend to do when term begins, like the cell group, the 6 values they believe in. Yepp, and i pretty much agree with what they are doing. They are prepared to go door to door, introduce themselves, make people feel welcomed without being a nuisance.. they believe in discipleship..they believe in beig sincere and building a relationship within the cell group..they believe in God..Hha..which church don't? but problems about the church denomination, the word..i guess they will come later as i return next week to see how their service is like..so that's all i can say for now..yepp..but i'm pretty much decided to come back and see how they're like..

Haha..and we can definitely learn much from them? for example, they were giving examples of how they went to strange places and went to the local church there, and sat around, was there early, but no one talked to them, or made them feel welcome..And as i quote from them, 'it felt like THEY needed to take the initiative to be friendly and adear themselves to the church members there.' And i think that is very much true..Sigh..even in City harvest? Like if daphne did not bring me into the church and cell group, and i sat around the cell group alone, do you think anyone of you would come up to me and talk to me and make me feel welcome? Well, bottom line is, everyone's a great and friendly person when you get to know them..but people who walk-in don't know anyone! so basically i guess we should stop making the cellgroup a g-mail prototype whereby people get in only by invitations..try to be more assertive and take initiative to reach out to people who are sitting near! make the environment more friendly! haha..Challenge Daph..haha..yepp..it's not in our culture to do so, but we can make it our city harvest /E240 culture! yepp!

Yepp..anyway, i've got a English Advance Placement appointment later on..haha..and most people who came from Singapore did not need to take the exam..hha..don't ask me why..but because of that, i cannot go down to Briarwood mall, and cannot get my laptop..ha..but i've got wenjie to scout out for me any laptop that's below 1K and has nice stats..haha..thank God for friends in my life..yepp..and cash is running tight which is why i'm not going ice skating with the gang and staying behind here at a computer terminal blogging..haha..yepp..

Anyway, i've gotta choose my classes and courses and schedule later, and actually enrol for them tomorrow after i meet my academic advisor, but i've heard that most of the common courses are already snapped up..haha..sadz..wonder what i will actually get to study instead..but thinking of taking up Latin OR theology since i gotta fulfill some humanities requirement for my degree..haha..then i'll come back and tell you guys all about the apocrylic [did i spell that correct? it's greek to me..] and it IS greek for 'secret books' of the bible..haa..i read briefly what was in there, and it included the song/prayer of Shadrach, Meshach and Abinigral [i'm not typing with my bible in front of me so i tink i got the names spelt wrongly..] the song/prayer they made to God when the king of babylon threw them into the furnace. And stuff like that which is not in the bible..haha..

yepp..To add on to that, i've been to the flagshop of Borders which is in Michigan, Ann Arbor [flagshop means it's the first shop ever] yepp, and they have a great selection of bible, bible guides, commentaries, and all the secret books, Gnostic bible, and an interesting book known as the 'who wrote the bible wrong?' which mentions that the story of the forgiven adulterer in the gospels DID NOT HAPPEN..i have no idea how true it is, or whether the author is credible..haha..but i guess if it isn't real, it's still a great moral and great word that God probably wanted included in the bible anyway. Yepp..haha..so i'm NOT in good hands here..haha..too much information for the God-hungry person i am..haha..thirst for knowledge comes as a double edged sword..but that's where i'm gonna test my innocence to find my virtue AMEN! haha..yepp..dun worry, i'll stay true to the word and the bible..anything else is just head knowledge..doesn't change who God is to me at all..haha..

AND there is a big number of christian fellowship among the singaporeans here! haha..and they are all eager to find a church/campus church to be in, which is great..not at all unenthusiastic. But i guess i wonder actual spiritualty i will have to find out through time..Cannot tell at a glance..yepp..but i'm in good hands here in regards to the fellowship i guess..

Yepp..the food here's great? haha..i've never actually lived to eat so i'm not so picky about food..but the serving's great here, and meals at Dorms are like buffet style? and i have to really watch my diet here and exercise lots or else the prophecy of the freshmen 15 will come true! Argh! haha..yepp..prolly gonna go jogging before i shower and change and go for the counseling session i have later..haha..yepp..

I STIL CANNOT FIND MY LAUNDRY AREA IN MY DORM! haha..but i found a couple of pretty nifty stuff..woke up at 0630 cos i just did..haha..i'm really sleeping qt little, but already used to it [like in engineers days] haha..which is really great, cos 3 weeks ago i would be wondering if i can drag myself out of bed at 1030 in the morning..haha..yepp..and i can get like cafe AMERICANO at starbucks for only 1.95 so i can get cheap coffee too? [not as cheap as kopitiam, but there ism't any kopitiam anyway..haha..] yepp..and i can get a couple of bibles and guide books for you guys if you wanna..haha..just wonder how i can actually get it to Singapore..

Yepp..they sell post stamps at my dorm so i can send mails back too, so that'll happen if i get the time to do so..

AND i can only set up my bank account on monday..sigh..add the time it takes to process my bank draft..so i can prolly only get my guitar on wednesday? haha..then it gives me time to go shop for one and see if i actually wanna settle for a cheap one first then buy a nice one next year..but then again, i'll be looking for a nice one NEXT year Next year again..[you get what i mean?] and then i'll never get around to buying one..sigh..haha..

Yepp..guess that's pretty much already..hope to get my I-net connection up soon..and since i wake early and it's 12 hour difference i'll be able to MSN you guys in the evening! haha..evening YOUR time horr..haha..yepp..take care

Oh..i'm sorry i did not get to watch the online service on the marriage seminar..but i got an essay question about Marriage culture back home tho..haha..so i got to see many marriage views from differing cultures..and conclusion is that Pastor Kong is really doing us a great favour by letting us in on the secrets! like i was reading reading and i was a bit disgusted at some of the quotes that i read..haha..yepp..so feel blessed!

To Dad, mom, sis, now that i know you guys are reading this..I know i probably mailed you that i'm fine, but i guess i still gotta tell you here..yepp..doing really fine here, have friends that look out for me, and growing fat already so you guys better recognise me when i come back! haha..yepp..too well fed here already, no sinus problem at all, it's not cold yet so i'm realy doing fine..just that my wardrobe is gonna repeat soon..haha..yepp..and i probably cannot get a car in the first year i'm here [cos not enough $$] so you guys can take a breather..

Dear all, take care, God Bless!

-Endz- God really do take care and give providence! WAKE UP! and be aware of how He loves you! Happiness is the awareness of the great power of love shown around you! [day 2 of the book i tink.]

Detriot Metro airport @ 1045PM!

2006-08-25T10:45:00.000-04:00

Aaargh! first the flight delay for 50mins, then delayed further for 40 mins because waiting for the baggage to come to our flight..then when we arrived it was too late to make for the hostel, and moreover my baggage did not arrive! aargh! came in 1 hr later! sigh..thank god i met christopher at the chicago airport and the rest of the entouage from Singapore and then meeting Shao Ning who has a friend in Ann Arbour to put us up! haha..so not so uch disruption from our original plan anyway..hah..yepp..God given opportunity starting with me meeting christopher at the UMSSA outing so long ago! haha..His ways are always higher than our ways! haha..God Bless!

Chicago..0500 sing, 1600chicago

2006-08-25T05:09:00.000-04:00

Man, the security proceduresisn't as stringent as back in singapore..but it takes soooo long to clear! and the aiurport is very confusing..guess probably i'm not used to their sustem..and the service! whew! totally sucks..First they told me it's at Departure gate C2, so i happily took the train to go to terminal 1, then there happily looked around, called home, then they changed to gate F5 which was in another terminal. which then took me 20 mins walk there..and there when i got to a guy to check my ticket, the idiot told me that the flight have already left! when i saw that the billboard wrote nicely the flight number for my flight and it is scheduled for delay! not early take off! sigh..then i went to the customer service counter and checked and found that it has notleft yet, so i went back..sigh..heart attach for nothing..but on the side note i got my first starbucks vanilla latte here in Chicago! and they have Venti size for warm drinks! haha..found a total of 4 starbucks outlets in chicago airport itself, so i figured i will not miss coffee..haha..did a quick scout; generally meals can be bought for USD5 for a fast food so it ain't as expensive as i tot it would be ..haha..
Called home to a very tired momma and papa at 0500am..haha..den got cut off cos not enough quaters to keep the line..then manling's number is invalid..haha..RAAWRR!

HK airport Transiting..24th Aug 1145(Sing Time)

2006-08-24T11:45:00.000-04:00

Dear all..

Hiaks hiaks.. Transiting in Hongkong now..gotta wait for 1hr + before my flight leaves..haha

I must admit, when i saw the big package that christine wanted to give me, i was going like 'OMG..she's totally not thinking when she's giving the present!' cos it could not fit into my luggage, and even had glassware and was wrapped up..so many times i was called up and given wierd looks about it..even stopped at security too! Not that i am ungrateful..really thank God for such a sister who would spend so much time and effort doing this gift..but the cookies was e thing..haha..i was qt touched by the journal and the scarf..but then the cookies like spoiled it..hahah..no horr..thankful for your kind care and concern!

Well, the 1st leg of the flight is down. touched down safely in HK..had qt a fun time in the airplane toilet cabin, crapping there, using up the toilet paper because of my sinus..haha..but got to know my flight companion, Adela Garcia cos she offered me pills that would dry up my fluids so it's a more comfortable flight, less ear popping and runny nose..Thank God..And she's really friendly and have a big heart. Haha..No, she's no foxy lady..she has a younger son who is older than me..but managed to find out about her..got her number..woohoo! first number from a stranger-lady! haha..lol..She's in the military medicine reserve team, Hispanic, lives in San Antonio, texas, has 2 sons and a daughter, christian too, does relief work and is a women with a great heart!

Also found out that my spoken english is understandable! haha..but i guess local touches is still there! haha..i tink i noticed some la, lorr..haha..hiaks..but she din notice, or pretended that she din notice..haha..yepp..morale up! too bad now she's in a different flight leaving alreaedy for San Francisco. .Yepp..and me with a dysfunctional phone without reception, lotsa rest already, bad body odour which will only get worse..My departure gate is open already, just that the queue is super long..haha..

And i missed breakfast while i was in the toilet..then too KOed to ask the flight attendent for food..hope lunch is soon..ha..but gotta exercise soon..prolly update about my first exercise in Annarbour..haha..prolly turn into a gym dude and work out..hah..gosh..landsick now..but the medicine works wonders! haha..Daph, Christine and Mom woulda known about the ear-popping experience i had when i went to Thailand.haha..so now i flew 4.5 hours already..haha..gain air time pretty fast! Whee! ha..wonder if i wll puke later..now i am only left with this journal, 'Happiness is' , 'man of God', and my bible to entertain me ..oh! i did a quick prayer in the lavatory on the plane too! ahha..now a part of the mile high club except in terms of prayer rather than sex..haha..communion with God better than flesh! Amen!

Believe i just had a revelation..

2006-08-24T04:30:00.000-04:00

Matthew 20:34 "Jesus felt sorry for them and touched their eyes. Instantly they could see! then they followed Him"

- We learnt that restoring the sight is synonamous to restoring vision in the man's life.
- Hence we see that only Jesus [God] may grant a vision that truly empowers, or it will take a close encounter with God to grant that vision. A close relationship with God..
- "then they followed him" meant much more than following out of gratitude, or following just because they could see..
- In everyone there is a 'Jesus'. to a doctor, Jesus is a great doctor who is successful healing everyone, with great heart/reputation..'Jesus' in out hearts is who we eventuallly strive to become: the vision that He gave the 2 men..Hence the true meaning of 'then they followed him' So are you following the Jesus as he reveals himself to be in your heart?

On Flight..1230 noon..

2006-08-24T00:40:00.000-04:00

Dear all..

OMG..the flight is gonna take 14hrs and 22 mins..and it'll only be to chicago airport! RAAWWRS! OMG! haha..qt daunting to think about it..gonna be stuck on this seat and now without my new friends. .pray that my sinus dun act up..

Man, i'm gonna reach at 2330 hrs Singapore time, then i gotta be relatively awake cos then i'll get drilled through the USA airport securtity! GASP! how to survive? gottan cure my jet lag with this flight! i'm arriving at 1330 hrs chicago time, afternoon..let's say i wake up at a sane hour 1000, 3.5 hours before, 2030 hrs..hiaks hiaks..did some math then realise that the info i got was worng..ohwells..can't tell the security that the airlines are confusing the terrorists with wrong timings and estimations can i ? haha..

Yup..just KOed again on the plane cos i was reading the 'manhood' book again cos i din really catch the gist..wonder if it's cos i'm unteachable for this topic? ha..like cannot say i agree to some of the concepts..hiaks..it's suddenly 1345 now, so i koed for about an hour..ohwells..13+ hours to go..

Ha..just saw a short news clip about bloggers..that about 77% of employee candidates are rejected because of the info that was posted on the web about themselves; like seeing the propective acocuntant streaking or a business secretary getting wasted on alcohol/drugs..caption went 'don't post anything you don't want your co-op employer or your mother to see..' all the time we wanted to live like big stars? how about a bad image problem? hha..

haiks haiks..zonked out again..when i awoke i felt the pushcart [lunce] pushing against my foot that was straying on the aisle..note: united airlines is expensive, long flights, okay food, no inflight entertainment[krisworld!] and no leg space! and odd hours! haha..ban united airlines le..haha..

starting to feel like i'm hibernating..just now it was around 1345, when i ate it was 1430? haha..and now it's 1500..8 hours to go..or 10 hours..whichever infor was correct: arrival time or duration of flight..Just having a cuppa coffe..black..cos i have no idea how i could have it..order it kopi-bing? or vanilla latte? haha..so black cos i dun tink they give me that much time to tell them what i want anyway..

Right now i'm having mild jittery spells on and off..like wonder how i am gonna actually get to my hostel without my family helping or just living without my friends close emotional support..but somehow i know these problems will be settled as soon as they com..except i kinda feel like the dude Brian is gonna do everything..i'm just looking from a 1st person's view? haha..dun fell like myself..wonder if you got what i'm trying to say..haha..

Wow whee! 3rd page le! haha..in my flight journal i mean..haha..think you guys gonna complain my entry this time so long and smelly..haha..

Oh! OH! pepsi! freeflow pepsi! haha..i'm in heaven..haha..remember me and my fellow coke addicts always order so much coke to drink! haha..so i muz be more specific about myself..i'm a caffeine addict..haha..and they served me starbucks coffee! haha..din realise cos 1 side of the cup went 'united' then the other side went 'we proudly rew starbucks coffee!' haha..but still don;t hink they have vanilla latte anyway..sigh..but right now tt looks qt odd..cos i got a cuppa black coffee and a cup of pepsi on my table..haha..

Think i gonna do a bit of quiet time now..since got time..haha..

Leaving tomorrow/ Cry out to people i know

2006-08-23T04:36:00.000-04:00

Dear all..

This is gonna be another colourless entry, cos i'm pretty much feeling colourless too..sigh..haiz..haix..haiks..hhaha..self entertaining myself..

Just had a quick lunch with Florentine at Fish and Co at Novena square where she's working right now. really qt fun to do so, cos i usually get stuck at home and then mold starts to grow on my head then i start to stink and rot..haha..yepp..so you dun feel bad you made me come out alright? thank God for you for dragging me outta my house! haha..

Yepp..then last night had dinner and pool with JianHu and Katherine..Ate at Crystal Jade suntec city..really fantastic food there, full of flavours and enjoyed talking to these 2 good friends of mine. Then we went on to talk about some parables and conundrums and how to apply God's word to ourselves and real life..haha..think i freaked them out..cos i neva talked to them about these kinda stuff before..haikz..so you 2 dun know me THAT well right? *grinz* yepp..just ask Weng/Wayne and Christine and Daph and you know how i give them headaches wondering about those questions! haa..but qt cooll..so now i know 2 more people i can share about God and my views to..haha..qt an informative time, and really take my hats off JianHu who could actually give me an answer i can relate to! haha..u guyz ask around again, and you realise i get answers i dun really say amen to..haha..yepp..so JianHu! you're v outstanding!

Haha..to Flo and whoever's interested..in the last entry, i mentioned that i was PUSHED TO DAPHNE! not she push me to any other mystery girl..next time open eyes big big and read horr! haha..yepp..and i tot the photo v self explanatory le.. but i got a revelation from Sharon yesterday about that..apparently she [the culprit] together with Belle, was supposed to push us to each other during the shot [cos Joanne say we too far apart..sigh] then Belle tot Sharon said to 'Fei1' (fly in chinese) instead of 'Tui1' (push in chinese) then when Joanne took the photo she jumped from the left side of the photo trying to be captured in the camera..haha..totally miscom! so farny!

Yepp..but today my focus is mainly on my luggage! a heavy, sleek, maroon hard cased luggage which i only just realised is not enough to fit my clothes, and my books, my cds..thank God for a hand carry luggage, or else i gotta go run and spend $ on another hard case luggage..haha..instead i can bring an extra bag to use over there! haha..

But mainly, i really feel like i'm writing a will here..haha..feels like my life will end on this night..so morbid..but haha..you'd tink that since i knew that i would be leaving for studies for such a long time, there'd be an anticipation to leave? instead, i really have a very limited vision of where i'm headed to, feels like it's no longer me who is going, but some1 else, and i will look through his eyes instead..haha..so wierd..

But truly, i believe in His provision. Even if i am not mentally prepared and emotionally prepared, i believe that He has spiritually prepared me and paved my way with people who are ready to help me when i'm down. People to point the way and guide me when i reach there. I believe that His love will carry me through when i depart from the people who love me here, when i leave for a place where no one knows me or loves me. God is there waiting for me to join him! haha

yepp..meaning which i know what i need to do, don't feel like doing it, but doing it anyway. You ever experienced that before? like what i read from the book Dennis lent me, to see enough to take the next step..kinda like that..God gave me enough vision to see the next step..really forcing me to believe God that the next few steps are there for me when i get there. yepp..

Feel a sense of loss..like so many friends i did not meet up with, did not get together with. People like Khai Qing..to whom i have corresponded letters to for since JC days. The next time i see her will be in 2008 unless i managed to save up enough to pop for a solo holiday trip to Canberra to visit her..haha..then rent a car and sleep in it while parking outside her place..haha..so farny..but sounds really fun..probably will plan for it and see if anyone else wants to come along too. haha..dun worry..probably God will find a way to get me there too.

Friends like Weiling to whom i passed notes to during class and lectures in JC. Too bad there ain't anyone like you there..or else i will pass notes again..haha..but wonder if you still remember who am i..

Old friends like Junlin, to whom i withhold my letter because of certain things you wrote to me that kinda hurt me..made me feel so lost where this friendship is going..probably gonna write you again when i reach there, but if you dun feel like continuing pls just say so alright? i oso dun want to disturb when i'm not wanted.

Good friends like Christine..think i will still contact you through email or through your blog so no worries. Really sorry that you had to feel my cold shoulder for so long..it was totally unintentional. But i trust you know me enough to know that i never meant things that way. Just like now i know you and will not misunderstand you that way again. Thanks for pushing through in this friendship.

Lil Sistas like Huiling..Think i am the worst big bro in the world..really like ignored you for so long, then ask you out, then ignore you again. scold me the next time i see you okay? i deserve it..but i hope i am still your korr kay? haha..if you got any other xin1 shi4 email me lorr..i promise i will not judge, will not give 'constructive comments' unless you want to hear it. I'll always be a open ear to my lil sis.

To possibly the youngest person i know, Joanne..haha..really sorry that i had to disappoint you so many times with the CD..haha..i got it in my bag le..so unless i even forget to bring that bag to USA with me [impossible] you will get it alright? haah..and you start to save money! [haha..i should listen to some of the advice I give out..] me not around to take care of you le..haha..no more free lunch and dinners! but i want to encourage you to spend more time with the cell group so you grow with people of good spiritual standing, that you pick up their good traits and discard your bad. Always remember not to place your trust in people; for people will fail you, and even gold will lose their value when times change. Put your trust in God, who will never fail you, who is the same before, now, and will never change even far in the future! God is good all the time!

To the cell group, i really love you guys..think you already know that le..Dun worry about me..dun even worry that your lives WILL go back to normalcy even without me around, cos it's God working when i asked Him to bless you guys that my lack of presence will not affect you people much. Please continue to love God, love each other and do His work! for you people are my 'powerbase', a source of energy especially if you could share good testimonies to me about how God is working for you there, so that i can stay strong. Do this for me? haha..and i promise i will update you guys about my testimonies over here. Thank God for technology! hha..Stay close to my heart..

Daph..words cannot express my heartfelt thanks to you..And i believe i have already said this to you so many times over, but i just gotta do this again. Thank you so much for sharing who God is to you, for sharing this fantastic family in God with me. It's built so much of my life and me already, and i believe will continue to do so. Man, i really thank God for the day we met at NDP 05 where we were put to work together. It was really great times i wished i could re-live, but i believe greater times are to come, and we will share greater testimonies together! Amen! Yes we shall shine together! haha..i still remember the first little thing you gave me [do you remember?] It's been such an encouragement to me for ever since i received it, even though it's just a small card and a small star..but i have carried it with me when i am most in need of encouragement, when i was in Thailand doing something i had no confidence in, when i was at work in Jurong Camp. It carried me through as though you were beside me speaking to me. Haha..like the bible is to me on smaller scale. haha..yess. thank you so much for that blessing, i will bring it over with me to USA too.

To everyone else i missed out or did not mention, thank you for sowing into my life, it's not goodbye, not even farewell cos you'll probably hear from me soon again..haha..if there's a i-net terminal at the Chicago transit i will probably blog or MSN too..haha..so there..It's never goodbye unless God takes me up with Him. So i'll be back, don't miss me at all, move on with your life and be a great blessing to anyone you can be! Amen!

Cell Group 'Farewell' Dinner!

2006-08-20T23:30:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Whee! just had my 'farewell' dinner with my beloved cell group! haha..totally fantastic..but feel a bit odd and paiseh that i arrived so late..haa..couldn't have expected that..cos I had my last Bible Study with Hanzhong that evening, and we shared about the importance of discipleship, and as always, being a problem child..haha..i shot a lot of difficult questions to him..haha..but he was shocked! budden it was a great time when we talked about the bible, lifstyle, and our interpretation of the gospel.. exchanging of ideas..so we forgot about the time, and when i could actually go, i would actually reach earlier if i waited for them to close shop and hitch a ride wif them! haha..so guys, dun begrudge me my chance to spend time with them yah?

Yepp..felt kinda wierd cos i did not arrange this meeting, and i did not have to ask things like who else is not there, who else eating? haha..i was just there for the ride. heehee..then the table so big, so many ppl oso qt difficult to talk to people..then people like christine look like she got someth to say..haha..but she always look like she got something to say. hehe..

Yepp..the dinner was fantastic. Thanks guyz! although i've already binged so much on seafood..haha..but the crab was great..only i felt paiseh cos i ate so much! haha..*grinz*..then Dennis and Weng kena my crab sauce all flying around..haha..actually din have much chance to have a dinner with most of the cellgroup together so it was rather fun. but i guess several people wanted to talk to me 1 - 1..haha.dun worry k? guyz, i'll be back in 8 months..going there to study only..not living there for good..haha..

Yepp..was totally cooll..think you guys are out to make me cry..but i'm not such a people's person? haha..felt qt odd at times during the dinner cos i was the limelight..not used to the limelight..haha..always felt better when i was doing stuff for people or someth..not used to having people do such stuff for me. haha..but appreciate all of you guyz!

Then you guys did the meaningful thing: which was to have everyone say one good thing about me. WOW!!! haha..ego food max out le..haha..make my head so big; cannot fit in the bus! haha..but was really touched..cos normally i wouldn't think that people can get a good grasp of who i am..haha..prolly you guys hit about 60% correct le! haha..not bad not bad..hee..but i dun tink i'm that good/fantastic too..haha..yepp, so thanx thanx for all your kind words! haha..wished i had taken down notes tho..but yes, i will keep my fire burning..and Hanzhong will still get my emails if i forget or if i get stuck with anything in the bible! haha..but most of all, i really hope that i am now strong enough, that i know enough of who God is and how He works in order to interpret the scripture fairly well enough to improve my understanding.

Yepp..but tink it's so funny when i took a photo with Daph then they pushed me towards her..[hey hey..wad are you guys tinking?] naturally i avoided her, put my hands up so nothing gets anywhere unintended [so you guyz muz agree i'm not lecher horr..haha..noone said that..heez] yepp. but the outcome is so wrong! in the end i looked like i was some old lecher preying on a young lady! haha..so funny..heehee..but luck i saw the push in the corner of my eye..so i managed to avoid..otherwise worse..haha..aiya..you guyz should push the girl wad..haha..then you get the effect you wan..totally wrong man..haha..

You guyz are really gonna be brought over there with me in my heart..this is truly like my family where i grew up, where i am loved, and where i had fun, where i came to know God, my creator, my provider, my lover, my all. really thank God for all of you, and thanks so much for the photo that you people made for me and framed up for me. yess..we'll all keep in contact ya? haha..then we'll have another farewell next year when i leave again..haha..

Yepp..love you all, God Bless!

-Endz- had a great time with you guys! God be the centre of this family always!

Updates..updates..II

2006-08-20T21:40:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Haha..juz wanna change the entry cos i going on to another topic le..haha..

Which is my CellGroup! E240! haha..totally have been itching to feature something about them but always wanted to wait until someth happened on sunday then i talk about them..budden nothing happened yet..haha..lol..but received a lot of well wishes already and feel blessed already so i wanna bless them back..

Which is the point of my little project that kept me from blogging late nights! cos i have been rushing a little personalised card for EACH AND EVERYONE OF THEM! haha..feel so wrong..cos i made them each write a page for me in my journal, then i go ahead and write 1 page + for each and everyone of them..so guyz..you write 1 page while i must have written like 20 + pages and busted 2 pens almost dry..betta appreciate it..haha..RAAAWWWRS

Yepp..in each card includes who you are to me, or what i see, as well as a little prayer to show you that you have been on my mind too..really felt that the whole cell group has been a great blessing to me, but i really want to be a blessing to you all too, so i wanted to pray a little prayer for everyone of you! yepp..so i hope you will all read it, and open your hearts to it; for no help/blessing can come into your life unless you let it come in..let God minister to you. If God had indeed used me to give you that prayer, then you will hear more of it from other people/sources too..if not then it's just my well wishes anyway..haha..dun reject it! lol

haha..i think i'm really qt proud of myself with this..even with this little exercise of writing prayers for friends, i had ran dry before..like during the first few days..like can only rush 3 cards a night cos i went dry..but i kept at it, prayed to God, and slowly opened up my engines and managed to do more with the prayers i had to write! haha..most of the prayers centred a certain theme [cos i'm writing it] but you can be sure there's no cut and paste or copying at all! haha..so proud of myself and so proud of God/Holy Spirit helping me and empowering me to accomplish it..Glory to Him!

yes..to E240, you guyz rawk my house and my world! haha..continue to shine, to grow and to develop yourself into who you can be, because God created you in His image! never limit your potential cos then you are placing a cap on God's potential too! NEVER LIMIT GOD! glory to God always! Amen!

Updates..updates..

2006-08-20T21:25:00.000-04:00

Haha..Dear all,

Gotta confess..starting to feel a bit of a drag to blog..haha..been itching to do so when i'm outside, then when i reach home i just wanna sleep..haha..have no idea why..Wells..

Yepp..so somethings that still remain is that i'm still tired..even with my coffee regime..haha..like almost 3 cuppa coffee everyday..but still non perky and tired..mayheps coffee has no effect on me already..haha..but i still dun mind..i love the smell of coffee..really perks me up even if the caffeine doesn't..haha..lol..spending mega bucks on Starbucks..haha..

Oh..and i really spent megabucks on myself.haha..last time when i was in a relationship, my other half really took up my attention and cashflow! haha..even tho we tried to control and restrict it le..budden if i get $1k a month and save nothing, i really gotta conclude that she's the source of outflow..haha..budden ever since i joined the corps of single and unavailables [actually unwanted..haha..lol.] my savings still did not pick up! so i conclude that it's ME!

But i really got to pamper myself more, and be a blessing to others..ha..but i really gotta start to have a savings attitude once i go over to Michigan. It's gonna be a new start for me..haha..but just for the kicks of it, i wanna list the items and costs of my most prized possessions! haha..note: costs were as to when i bought it, not including inflation and devaluation..haha..

1. $240 Zara Man 100% polyester jacket [brown leathery feel..really proud of it..wanna wear it more to justify the cost..haha]
2. $140 Creative Muvo Slim 1Gb. Totally worth it cost it doesn't hang and has a battery life span of 3 days! haha..
3. $640 Motorola PEBL phone. Black..Stylish phone with little outstanding functions. But style will hardly go out of fashion, but technology will fade faster..haha.so there..
4. $30 synthetic leather sling bag..qt big sized, dunno if can hold weight or not..but really nice..
5. $90 white Nike basketball shoe..haha..this one kinda feel bad for it cos i never take care of it..got black spots over the white skin
6. $550 Nikon coolpix 5200. Only recently got to use it frequently as the cell group camera men.haha..but fun! and the pictures i get to develop it at home with a printer! cool!
7.$430 Zen Micro 5Gb.totally worth the buy cos i managed to do a 1-1 exchange cos of structural damage during the warrenty period..but then again, i'd rather have someth that doesn't spoil..totally cui now..sigh..cannot use except for a mp3 player stationary..plug in to power source..sigh..wasted..

So considering that, i've spent a total of $2120 on stuff that i still carry and use on myself when i go out! haha..not bad, not bad..budden it include a cui zen micro so maybe should reduce the number by 430..budden it's all for self gratification right? lol..

Wake-up Call

2006-08-16T11:30:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Dear all..dear all..i'm feeling qt tired lately..think i'm becoming a better student le..hah..sleeping late hours and waking late too..like my frens in university hall already..except i'm not studying yet..lol..Haha..rushing my secret project..but kinda over awed at the number of stuff i have to do for that! haha..like i'm supposed to have little time left in Singapore and still i spend so much time doing that? haha..

I love a cuppa of warm coffee in the cold morning..haha..or cold 'before afternoon' more like it..cos i wake up at 10am? haha..budden i slept at 0130 am last morning so it ain't that bad..onli i'm starting to stock up a spare tire le..sigh..but i already ran twice this week! like super above average for me le! haha..still remember when i wanted a whiteboard so i can record the number of kms i ran each week..haha..lucky i didn't do it..or i woulda been so demoralized..haha..lol..but it's a good idea..

Still remember when i would run for 2 hrs straight in the cool night..now i just run 30mins in the afternoon and almost punk chek le..haha..super unfit..but should be becos of the sun la..haha..really, heat will sap your energy real fast..and cold will too..so i figured out the optimal environment to run is in a cool environment that's not raining..pretty difficult in Singapore except in the night time, or in an air-con room and on a treadmill! haha..lol..so it's running in the night for me then..heehee..

Yepp..still gotta give credit to Daph for influencing me to go jogging..haha..it never came across my mind as a hobby before..sorta like the kinda things that people make you do, but you never enjoy doing..until she came along and told me about it..then i started to jog with my Mp3 and voila! i cannot stop at half hour! muz go at least 1 hour then shiok! haha..that was back then in Jurong Camp..i tink the furthest i jogged was 21km in 1hr 54 mins..haha..not that fantastic..but it was my replacement run cos that time i missed the sheares bridge army half marathon! haha..then this year din wanna go too..like sianz of joining cos no body going with me anyway..haha..so jog on my own lo..free wad..heez..

Hmm..wonder if over at Mich will have a jogging buddy? haha..budden have to be a girl..cos i tink 2 guyz jog a bit funny..if 1 guy 1 girl at least can say the gurl wanna lose weight and drag the guy..haha..save face..hee..or else go jog myself again lo..haha..but lidat got less motivation to do so..but how to jog in the winter?!! 6 mnths snow! haha..and me never see snow before somemore..haha..

So conclusion: i gotta get a car! and i'm already making progress! haha..like if i get my computer loan and dun use up all, then i can start my 'car fund', plus i've already got 2 contributions to that amounting up to $2.6K sing dollars le! haha..so cool..like i din even work for these money and they just fall into my lap.haha..imagine if i worked for it..then it'll be super abundance! haha..thank God! All the while i tot money blessings cannot come my way cos i'm not working and got no bonuses to look forward to..haha..you proved me wrong! God is good!

Haha..wah! today is like totally musings and crapping..sorry guys.if you were waiting to see someth interesting on my blog today like wad happened then you would be sorry you tuned in..but tune in on monday!!! haha..confirm got someth nice to read! i promise! haha..or nice for those ppl involved anyway..ha..if i dun see you on sunday then you prolly go slam the keyboard and say 'ohwells' loudly..haha..lol..Raaawwrrs

One thing tho..i realise our cell group E240 has been ard for qt long le..like E240 has been E240 for 1 year le..and most cell group multiply in less than that..Sister Jaz is prolly gonna kill me for saying this, but thank God that the cell group has not multiplied yet..haha..cos i tink i will become super gloomy and moody and sianz and wad not if it happened and i'm around..cos i really like this family..it's really close, good frens all around, and i've gotten used to these people! and really thank God for the 1 year that i joined CHC, E240 has been with me all the way! these are the people who changed me, changed my life, and loved me as Christ Jesus does. Love you guys deep deep!

But i have a fren, who's been in this church for qt a long while already, and she's a bit disheartened about the cell group multiplication thing. like keep on spliting her and her frens until she finds no point in making new good friends. Which i feel is wrong..something's wrong man..like all the time church teaches us to have good friends who are in Christ too..then all just to split them up when it comes to cell group multiplication..i guess things should be like the cell group leader should be spliting them up by their bond to each other, and if the CGL cannot tell these bonds then i guess someth's even more wrong! haha..yepp..but i would be severely disheartened too if it happened to me..i mean, i would fight to keep that friendship, but i would be cross at the church and i wouldn't know if i can carry on in this kinda place..so thank God that i have not come across this situation yet, and that i got a forewarning about what is to come, so that next time if it happens again, i would be able to handle it cos i got a few more years maturity under my belt and would be more grown up..haha..

-Endz- Friends are meant to be friends no matter what..

RAAAAWWWRRRRS!

2006-08-15T11:30:00.000-04:00

Raawwrs..this looks wierd italic..haha

Anyways, Dear all:

Realise that i haven't been blogging for some time le..haha..actually i missed 2 days between the last-last and the last entry, and 1 day in the last entry to this entry..wonder if i should back date this entry then..budden yesterday was another 'nothings' day so i dun feel like doing that..haha..anyways, gotta entertain subscribers, gotta entertain subscribers...

Yay! i finally got the correct photo paper for my printer! haha..to those out there to whom i owe photos [i tink jian hu only tho..haha..lol] i will print out for you! haha..so glad..esp when i was settling for really lousy photo paper that almost killed my joy of printing out photos at home..hee..

Embarking on a 4 day project now..trying to rush stuff..but still having fun at it..haha..what is it? stay tuned..i will keep it under wraps coz it's a surprise! a SURPRISE! haha..wun even tell you who it's for so there..stay tuned..

But pretty soon it'll be my turn to leave le..sighz..dun even know what i'm doing nowadays..like people like Manling can be so busy in the last 2 weeks, and wenjie already tried to look for his books, and lawrence is leaving today..WAD AM I DOIN! probably playing X-Box and jamming on my guitar, checking my blog hits [wow! 269!] and my emails, bugging nerissa for my flight allowance to come in..then getting my sis to do up a bank draft for me so i can bring wad money i have in my PosB Bank to U.S.A safely..gg to doctors and see if i need additional vaccination to go U.S.A which i conveniently forgot..even when i saw Manz walking ard with a plaster to her 'BCG' spot..haha..WAD AM I DOING! like nothing really productive/effective to the issue of me leaving Singapore in 7 days time..wow..one week left..

Oh OH! not to mention i still wan to take photo at Yio Chu Kang Reservior..and tell Singtel to save my line while i'm not ard for $5 a month..man, i should make a list of things i need to do before leaving..haha..rawrs..

I tink God is starting to give me vision of what is to come next in my life le..sort of can picture myself sitting in lecture, praying 'Holy Spirit..i need your help now..' everytime i cannot understand a lecturer or when my energy level down and feelin kinda sleepy..haha..yepps..totally student mode now..the slacker student mode..haven't start studying yet..

Yepps, so i guess in the end i still ended up back dating this entry..haha..then ignorez my first para then..Good bye for yesterday! Tata..

-Endz- EndEndEndEndEndEndEndEndEndEndEnd...wow..tink i super cranky today..

Best Quiet time I ever Had

2006-08-13T23:46:00.000-04:00

Dear all..

-Disclaimer-
Pls do not comment to this. If you feel the urge to comment to this entry, pls just email me cos i tink the comment log not enuff space for what you have to say anyway..haa.
This entry is also dedicated to Manz cos i did not get a chance to teach her to do quiet time properly [maybe she is doing it proper now le..hah..i'm trying to say i din get the chance to teach properly.haha..]
-end of disclaimer-

Wow..i've just had the best quiet time i've had for a long while..can't tell the difference from previous quiet times in the things i did, but this time the presence of God was really felt and i could feel Him listening in over my shoulders at what i send up to Him in prayer..even now i still feel a little tingle from coming out of His presence. Hope i can dwell in His presence wherever i go!

Anyway, today at 1100 was when i am supposed to do a prayer to God for Singapore's growth and well-being in all aspects. But since i hardly ever dwell on one topic for one hour, i added some songs in and prayed for my dear lil sis too..but this time i guess maybe it's the anticipation of doing what the church assigned us to do [got some novelty to it still] or that i actually prepared for it..more than my usual quiet time anyway..that made it come off different.

As usual i started with a simple praise song to get myself started..then i started to cycle through Brian Littrell's songs like 'Over My head', 'My answer is You' [all on my guitar mind you..anyone wants the chords to them can ask me..i chored 'over my head' and 'Wish' le] and by the time i reached 'In Christ Alone', my voice started to croak out and tears were starting to form and a tingling feeling came over me..qt difficult to carry on singing but i did so anyway..Man..didn't know that it was so difficult for musicians..But i jus felt like God was really there, all 3 of them, listening in on what i had to say..

So i just carried on the chord progression of the song i was on, and i started my prayer, sort of slow rapping the prayer according to the rhythm of the song as well..and it allowed my prayer to sustain for through 15 mins each request. Which isn't bad at all considering my track record of completing all my prayer requests in 15 mins..hah..but speed and length is not the answer..but the sincerity and the presence..

I'm not usually so patriotic, but i prayed and gave thanks for this island city that He has given us Singaporeans, a place where natural disasters do not strike, and haven where the sun shines throughout the year, where tsunamis are blocked off by other land masses..and that by His grace and mercy and provision are we able to send disaster relief teams out to places that aren't so blessed as we [in the sense of safety..they will be blessed in other ways] and for Singapore's leadership to come truly into power, with the Holy Spirit coming upon them to guide them and give them wisdom that was granted Soloman when he reigned, but with the heart with which David ruled.

And i prayed for my lil sis..even though by now she woulda reached Illinois, i prayed for her journey mercy, that she reach safely and that administrations are smooth and speedy. That people she meet will be friendly and kind to her and welcome her in the land that is strange to her. That she would go on in faith in the land that God has sent her, and find her destiny and strength there so that she may one day fulfill God's calling for her. That she continue to stay grounded in the word and in God and someone would take over as her spiritual guide.

Yepp..So lil sis, if you're reading, that's wad Korr do in his quiet time. In simplistic notes:
1. Praise 2. worship 3.continue to play some tune 4. send prayer requests
And some people include bible reading and study in quiet times. I personally don't do that, cos i do my bible reading traveling and i cover qt a lot like that. [even tho i admit it woulda be much faster if i did it in quiet time too..haha..maybe one day i will]
But most importantly is the fifth step
5. Linger in God's presence
Provided of course He is there..but it also never hurts to keep waiting until He does..keep praising and worshipping until He does and you feel Him. Always remember, the degree by which you feel Him is determined by your faith level..If you take your quiet time as a practice session, you will not feel anything. but if you truly believe He will be there, He will be there. And even if 2 people are in the same room, if 1 believes that He will be there, and 1 just be there for the sake of praying, only 1 will truly feel the presence and the other will just complain that God wasn't there..but GOD IS THERE! ALWAYS! He's omnipresent and i'm only talking about the degree YOU feel His presence, i'm not doubting that His presence is always there..Faith Level counts..

Remember the parable of the talents? the conclusion i taught you was that to him who has more, he will be given more. But to him who has little, even what little will be taken away from him [disclaimer note...i'm typing this w/o my bible so dun quote me..go read yourself..paraphrased] Jesus is talking about Faith too! To him who has a lot of faith, he will be able to sense God's presence, God becomes so much more real to him and thus his faith will grow. But to him who has little faith, who dun believe God will be there, he will not be able to feel God's presence and what little faith he had will be taken away..So take faith, believe and grow! Will take a while, to develop that [even i am not that good at it] but this is the short cut to growing in God! Chew on it a while, let this message sink in..and try it out..tell me if it works..anything just email me lo..haha.

Amen!

-Endz- Faith comes by hearing and hearing of God's words!

Something's missing le! haha..Manling..another one gone to studies le..countdown starts

2006-08-13T11:30:00.000-04:00

Dear all

Think it's a while since i featured my lil sis on my blog le..haha..prolly the last time for a while since i'm not gonna see her for a while le..haha..and since she just left Singapore today so i tink i'm perfectly justified to feature one entry to her right? [hope there's no other jealous frens who wan me to feature too..haha..if so then comment la..i try to accede to requests..haha]

Anyway, today is a lot of mixed feelings le..haha..one thing cos i know that i woke up at 0545 to get to changi airport at 0700 to send Huimin off..then another thing is that i kinda knew that Manlings gonna act like she always does when we're with the DSTA bunch of dudes..haha..then i'll be one of the guys, she'll be one of the girls and dun talk much one..haha..dun worry manz, i understand..

Then i was so excited the day before cos i made a nice card for Manz, and a notebook that we both liked the cover of, but were both disapointed when we saw that it was checkered boxes inside! But when i was shopping ard artfriends for the card material, i saw the book! haha..really nice cover..then i made the bookmark with a cross attached to the end, with 2 magnetic clasps so that the cross would stick snugly to the metal wire so it doesn't hang ard and get caught in something else..really nice..dun usually do little things like that for people..then the 1st 2 pages i decorated with what little pictures i have of my lil sis and myself, and i wrote a page full of stuff to her..including the nice card so that's 2 pages of nice stuff i wrote for her! haha..[you betta appreciate it..haha..kidding..]

But then when we arrived, we realised that we hadta get cards for the 3 of them leaving, so like i bought 2 cards for CK and Wanjing, and i relented letting them use the book as a farewell card too..tot She might appreciate it cos the card may be misplaced but how can you misplace a notebook?! haha..so she'll be able to reflect and remember what great friends she has back here in Singapore! haha..yepp..but now kinda regret cos it's supposed to be MY gift to her..now like everyone's got a hand in it..wonder if she stil remember it's something her Korr gave her..sigh..budden she'll be reading this right? haha..Gd Gd..haha..

Haha..budden i tink the objective's been met le..i guess not by my efforts la..haha..hopefully i had a small part to play in it, but i guess most of the job's done by Xiufie and CLara and her frens..sigh..Oh..anyway, the objective[or my objective] was to make her moved to tears..haha..so chek arr..haha..anyway, i tink she really felt LOVED and that really is the point of seeing her off..or else it's just hi, bye, check in..wads the point in that?

Yepp..As usual, after she's gone me feel like half gone too..haha..even the coffee i had in the morning was not enuff to keep my spirits up..only the novelty of wearing a blazer in smart casual wear and Xiufie and Christine talking to me then my flagging spirits remained up and running for Pastor Kong's powerful sermon about the role of a husband in a marraige..haha..nothing much that i haven't heard already, but it's always joy to praise and worship the Lord, singing new songs that He has given our song writers, and new inspirations and revelations that He gave His servant Ps Kong to speak out to us.

But that ain't my focus for today..

Yepp..in total, i drank 3 cuppa coffees to keep my energy level up..thank God for Daphne talking to me much more than usual sundays and let me siphon off her 'solar energy' haha..you still remember? still very important to me horr..even tho i try to have other source of power le..haha..diversify energy source..

Back to my lil sis..wonder how's she doin now..tink she got super a lot of people to get back to that she promised, including me..if you reading this now, you take care of yourself, and dun really have to get back to me so fast ya? you promised Xiufie le, so you better msg her first, and then whoever you promised too..i understand if you take a few days to get back to me..korr always understands one..just dun wait till i misunderstand..hahah..then disaster! Hohohho..

ANYWAY..just feels like something's missing..and for now i daresay it's Manling that's missing..Ohwell..few days later when she starts to contact me then thing's will prolly get better..then it'll be something else missing..something is always missing..that's why life's worth living..so many things to grab hold of and to treasure..if you really get everything in your life, then it'll be so boring and you'll just take everything for granted won't we? haha..kinda SM to think this way, but that's how people work..we only miss the water when the well runs dry..

Yupp..Manz..really wish you coulda been here for so many thing's that's going on..like i'm gonna have another lesson with Katherine to teach her guitar [finally], and the marraige seminar thingey..really fun and informative and spiritual lesson to learn wad God has in mind for people's marraiges..and the pool..man, the pool is so fun today! almost won Brother Chris!! haha..then took so many photo at pool junction today..bet you woulda have so much fun here..budden again i hope that you wished i was there too! haha..like you're gonna see so many new stuff and fun happenings over there too..ahh..wish i was there too..haha..well, i will be there soon enough le..haha..going over soonn..stopover at Chicago somemore..haha..so farny..sigh..

Wonder if my next 2 weeks will be as crazy as Manz last 2 week when she had a crazy time catching up with old frens..budden again i'm not like her got SO many CLOOSE frens..haha..eh! your korr really not kidding when I say that i was too late in the 'best friends race' and that my good friends are really rare and few between..haha..so i guess to Katherine's question as to what i have left to do in Singapore..Without my Xiao Mei ard le i prolly only wanna go Yio Chu Kang to take photo of the satellite dishes in the evening..no movie to watch..ate enuff seafood for a long while le..[i dun live to eat anyway..] got the music i wan, got camera le, got MP3 le, got running shoes le, got Basketball shoes le..hmmm...really got little much i really wan..only to meet up with my other frens and have them write in my autograph book too! haha..too bad it's still with Deanna til tuesday..sorry to those who cannot get to write in it..pls just write in a construction paper B5 size and pass to me? i paste it on kay? haha..

Yepp..so guys, if you are reading this and haven't sen me for qt awhile le, pls comment or just msg me or someth.i try to figure out something! haha..but dun tink so cos like people who reading my blog are those MSN frens and cell group frens and Xiao Mei and lil sis Manz..haha..so there..yepp..but i really have missed you out, pls drop a msg and catch me! hah..

Yup..to round off, to Manz, your korr misses you..To everybody else, i hope i will miss you..haha..but got ppl like Jian Hu say that life will be so hectic and adventurous that i prolly will be too caught up in it to feel the hurt and missing so much..then before we know it, it'll be summer already! then i can bug my parents to pop for flight back to Singapore! haha..so i can save more for my 'car fund'..haha..have fun go mad! haha..thank God for all the blessings He has given me, for a lil sis Manz and Xiao Mei Huiling who loves and takes care of Korr, for all the family member who has given me such a warm loving home, and my relatives who have surprised me with such a great blessing..Today is a great day of thanksgiving and praise the Lord for all He has already given me, and for the things that He is preparing to Bless me with. Amen!

-Endz- have fun go mad, lil sis Manz!

Dry Dry..something' missing

2006-08-11T10:34:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

I guess something's missing now..not really sure why, but i have been listening to John Mayer's 'something's missing' and it kinda sounds relevant in my life right now..

Feels like it's back to those days after ORD when i would laze around at home doing nothing, playing my X-Box and computer. Today i tried out the game that my sis had downplayed it's fun by saying it's so difficult..which influenced me enough to not even try..haha..so here's a lesson to be learnt..gotta try things out for yourself before you come down on it with a impression. haaha..

But stil feel a bit blue from yesterday..tho the thing itself cleared, but what remains is still a tragedy..kinda like wondering what kinda person am i really..qt lost now..cos i'm still in shock as to why i did what i did..totally not me at all..and hence today, you guys as you read you might realise that i'm not my usual me writing this entry..

OR it could be that today really is that uneventful that i dun feel like saying much..

Well, onething productive i did today is that i actually finally went jogging after several days of inactivity! haha..been out cycling once every week, so people are saying my legs look fitter already..but this week dun have activity so gotta go jogging..haha..after jogging i brought my doggie out walking..

So proud of COLA! haha..that's my golden retriever..the last time i brought him out, he could not hold his bladder and faeces..he crapped in the middle of the pavement! haha..luckily that time there was a MacDonalds takeaway bag so i could clear it..or else i woulda been so paiseh..and inconsiderate..

I tink this time he learnt le..like see him piss at the side of the road, and crap nicely in the grass patch..haha..so much better le..so there..

Yepp..something's really missing here..hope i find out what it is before i go crazy wondering about it..have you ever wondered the same thing? like somedays, the same things happen to you, but you just feel different? it's like something so intangible that you cannot name it, but you will notice it so clearly that you know when it's not there? sigh..God! Be with me!

-Endz- Come back..missing thing..whatever you are i miss..

The Sun has Broken Through

2006-08-09T23:29:00.000-04:00

Gosh! that was fast. Dear all, i've learnt something about myself today..i'm definitely a worry-wart..for things that are close to heart, i am a worry wart..haha..so if i dun worry for you...heehee..yepp..

Anyway i realise this morning is a morning of bad miscommunication. 1 with my fren, another with my fren Christine. haha..Guys guy..i tell you things here so that you can be more sensitive about me! like if i say if dun like some1 for wad reason, then you should be doing the background work and avoid placing me with that some1, not come up to me and ask me why!!! haha..sensitivity! i dun need people to offer advices when i'm not ready to take them, and when i'm ready, i will ask for them..haha..that's just me, and i ain;t gonna change for no one, so try to work with me alright? Really sorry for the miscommunication Christine, din mean to say that i din appreciate you.

Yepp..jus wanna thank God that it's only a case of over-frayed nerves and a disturbed mind..and really thankful that the ultimatum did not turn out to be what i feared would come to pass. God is trying to tell me to have more faith in people, and believe them to do what they need to do, and their intentions to be Good. and i only just heard him.

Now that this thing is more-or-less over, i've got a few more issues to tackle..being over-suspicious of people, being hung up on old impressions, and a over-raging emotional side of me that i thought i had long conquered. I dun usually see myself as an emotional person..normally i'm more the observer/thinker than the rush on the spur of the moment kinda guy..but kinda feel that i haven't tamed myself yet..like can PMS sometimes and piss people off and dun care wad i'm doing sometimes..manz..gotta change this somehow..people, if i PMS again and dun realise it, pls tell me? haha..then i will quarantine myself and let me calm down first..at least i wun piss people off..haha..

Events for today..

-Cell Group Meeting[meeting Hanzhong and Sharon for once since last week! haha..they have been on holiday at HongKong..dunno got gifts for me?
-nothing else..haha..prolly gonna praise and worship God for a while later after lunch, den do up a card for a fren's b-dae..pretty boring day..so this prolly is my entry for the day le..haha..so there..take care guys, God Bless!

-Endz- And God hasn't let me down yet! Praise God Always!

Thursday Blues..really blue morning

2006-08-09T20:19:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Not really feeling 100% now..cos i just sent a friend an ultimatum of some sorts..If there's nothing wrong bet us then she'll just be confused, but if there's anything wrong then i hope the e-mail will rectify what's wrong, or end it all cos it's confusing me too. So if you're reading this, pls check your mail for any from me..If you did not receive anything, then breathe a sigh of relief and carry on reading, cos by now it should be sitting in the Inbox le..

I tink i contracted this from Daphne..I really love honesty in a person [even though i appreciate tact even more] and i really dun like to second guess things too much..no point getting all riled and crazy just to find that things aren't like that. So i just get riled and crazy and send the mail, so that i can be normal for the rest of my life. Really wanna 'chop-chop' settle this problem, and if it's meant to go on, the friendship will last. But if the expiry date suddenly appeared, then i muz be prepared to let go too..I never overstay my welcomes.

Yepp..cun sleep late this morning even tho it's a cold morning, cold from the early morning rain, and cold from this sick clammy feeling in my stomach since last night [no, it's not a stomachache] yepp..actually have already went through this problem with a friend before, and it killed a beautiful friendship already. Haha..Is Satan going to win again this time? I have no idea..it's suddenly Deja Vu..My guess is that the mail is prolly going to get ignored and i lose a friend without knowing why again.

Why? Why? In both cases i admit that my emotions went a bit overboard [in previous case extremely overboard] but in both cases i'm really very sincere about the friendship and about finding a best friend in my life. What's wrong with that? Gender Issues? haha..dun make me laugh..really dun understand people sometimes even when i pride myself with being sensitive and understanding.. i guess i cannot expect everyone to be honest with me all the time.

But well, actually qt enjoying this morning cos it's really qt poetic and melancholic in the sense that i'm feeling physically what i'm going through emotionally right now..really cold..haha..enjoying it, but cannot wait for the sun to break through, cos i know that God and His angels are just waiting beyond the dark skies to rescue me or to cover me with the warm white linen that is their love for me. God has to be using this event to teach me something. I only hope that the Holy Ghost will be guiding me to observe it and learn it fast fast so i can break through..Oh well..probably tonight's cell group meeting will have a word for my life now? Can only pray

Keepin it short cos i hope the reply would come fast fast and i can add another entry to lighten up this day soon!

-Endz- People have always disappointed me..but not God..so i place my trust in where i will not be disappointed. As always..

Bye Bye Frankie, E240 @ Kster, @ Marina South

2006-08-09T11:13:00.000-04:00

Dear all,

Here is my entry today! haha..

Yepp..first order of today..is that i slept at 130am, and had to wake up at 0630 am to be in time for sending frank off today at changi airport. Sigh..had to drag myself outta bed, have myself a warm cuppa coffee to start my day, and tried to read some newspaper, then hear about some MORE natural disaster den oso dun wanna read on le.haha..anyway, i pushed myself onto the bus, only to find out that i forgot my handphone and it was starting to drizzle..haha.din wanna go back in the rain for the handphone le so just headed toward airport without handphone..[felt a bit naked without it..haha..]

Ya..Dear Frankie..haha..have to say i'm not really that that close to him, but he's one of the few friends i had before i joined the DSTA orientation who was there too, so he's rather significant to me..haha..but apart from that, cos we were in different groups during the award ceremony preparations and during OBS so we cun grow closer as friends. ha..but he's a really cool dude and really can take jokes one so people like to poke fun at him..but new: people only poke fun at people they love! haha..people like me they cun care less..much less bother to poke fun at me..haha.that's the sad truth..

Yepp..but one thing that struck me was when his whole family unit came out to see him off..wonder if my family would do the same for me..haha..budden my flight is in 645 in the morning so a bit difficult..and i oso dun wanna disturb them too..haha..yepp..but the main thing is that the family actually prayed together for Frank's safety and studies over in New York! like totally cooll..it's one thing to have the family saved and loving God, and to have the family praying together! like a gigantic cell group that really puts forth what Jesus died on the cross to show us..our worth and our love! was really touched by his family, and was proud that i caught on enough to realise that his family actually expected us [his friends] to surround him and pray for him too..haha..in the end i tink i was the lone ranger close to him and laying a hand [finger actually..haha..] on him and praying for him..only i wasn't feeling spiritually strong that morning so i hope i din affect him..

Yeah..but truly, a family that prays together, will stay together..haha..can imagine if i am the head of my family in the future and all of them are in Christ, i would make sure we even did quiet time together and praise and worship God together! totally cool concept, and that;s how we should build our families! can really feel the warmth and love in that family..Frank is really blessed..

But, therein marks the departure of 2 of our brethren in study.haha..feel a bit loss cos i know it'll be manling's turn, then CK and Lawrence, then my turn too..then gotta get used to life there and realise that life in SIngapore has ended for a short while..sigh..But God will take me through it all..at least that is how much He revealed to me..so i'll just trust in His provision and love and make it through! yepp..

Woo Hoo! Cell group outing to Kster @ chinatown! haha..actually been talking about it for qt a while le..only now then actually put it into action and find a day when most of us are free to go for it..hah..really cooll..this time i actually enjoyed it from the start rather than last time..like din dare to sing last time..this time i was determined to do advertisement for LeeHom and Jay chou..haha..but i was surprised at my vocal range too..cos usually both their songs are too high for me..but today was alrighto! haha..sang Wa Jie, An Jing, San Hu Hai by Jay CHou, and Kiss Goodbye, Ni bu Zai, Liang Ge Ren Bu Deng Yu Wo Men, Mei Yi miao li dou xiang jian dao ni, and many more by LeeHom! haha..tink i established myself as an avid fan of Leehom and Jay le..haha..

Totally cool man..never enjoyed singing so much before..and now some more start to feel good about my voice too..used to think i cannot sing well..then wonder how come praise and worship i like singing too..ha..maybe it's all in my head..i tink i sing well but everyone out there is suffering..haha..anyway..

Yepp..then we proceeded to have dinner at Marina South..haha..there was like me, Christine, Joanne, Chris, and Sky..budden Sky looked like he had something to talk to Chris about, so in the end it was the 3 of us cooking and eating and talking and crapping so much..hah..but really had a great time of fellowship as we mentioned about attitudes towards God, how people we know react to God and their relationship with God, and our perception of what should be..haha..then after dinner we carried on to walk to MRT and got lost on the way and talked more..haha..just reach home actually so typing real fast so i can go sleep soonn..haha..yepps. gonna upload the photos to yesterday's entry tomorrow..hah..2 day lag le..tink this is the laggest entry i had..kinda tired now, gianing for another can of coca cola tho..haha..yepp..nitez everybody!

-Endz- As Manz alwayz goes: Thanks Guys! You Made It Happen! [Thanks Chris!]